Just hello! I just started reading the posts again, it has been a long time! Nice to see some friends still here! I am experiencing big life changes! I am happy to be back! Hope everyone is doing well!!! MJ
Posts: 1393 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
Originally posted by MaryJo: First to Sheri.... Your words are a huge comfort for me. My daughter is 21, one son is 13 and one is 10. I see the horrible impact he has had on our daughter and this past year the enormous emotional breakdown my 13 year old was having. I did think that I couldn't do it on my own. I have never worked, been with him over 21 years. I had left my parents home and right into a home with him.
My mother was in very much the same situation. She married my father right out of high school and he was much older--in his 30s--and he already had a small son from his first wife, who died of cancer. By the time my mother was 19, she had his 4-yo boy and a newborn baby girl(me) to take care of.
She made it through 14 years of being physically AND emotionally abused before she got out. She planned her exit way ahead of time, I think, by convincing my father she needed to get a job outside the home well before she actually left.
I was around 12 1/2 and my baby brother (the "save the marriage" baby) was only 2 when she left. She put the decision on whether she was to take her children with her or leave alone in the hands of a 12 1/2 year old child.
I will always be thankful that she GAVE me a choice, but I am resentful that she put the weight and guilt of that decision on my shoulders at such a young age. She has never forgiven me for the decision I made then.
People think that children are invisible or don't notice what's going on. Trust me, they notice. They may not say anything, and they may be too young to fully understand what they're hearing, but they know.
Posts: 7864 | Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE | Registered: March 12, 2004
First to Sheri.... Your words are a huge comfort for me. My daughter is 21, one son is 13 and one is 10. I see the horrible impact he has had on our daughter and this past year the enormous emotional breakdown my 13 year old was having. I did think that I couldn't do it on my own. I have never worked, been with him over 21 years. I had left my parents home and right into a home with him. He had me so convinced I would fail at everything and I thought that as long as I was a good mother, I could buffer his behavior.
Obviously I was wrong and have felt very ashamed of myself for not leaving when my daughter was little. I feel horrible for giving this life to my children. So, hearing you say that as a kid it was the best thing, really makes me feel better.
Jill, This is going to be a long process. He is not going down with the ship! No way! I never knew what he earned or what he had invested. I really just kind of lived here. Now that I have knowledge of the money, he is not willing to part with a penny. He hasn't given me a penny since June. It is hard and there are days I feel like I just can not do this, but then there are strong days too.
I know that the end of the tunnel has a huge bright light and my life will just really be beginning. Right now it is tough. I have just started counseling, and am glad I did.
Thank you friends, for your encouragement and support! You may never know just how much it means. Hopefully I will be able to stop my emotional eating. I am 185 and at 5' tall it is not good! I told my counselor that I could be hitting the liquor cabinet, but I thought the pantry would be a better choice!
Anyway, I will be floating around here! You all made me smile! Thank you again! mj
Posts: 1393 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
MJ-I too was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 years and I cannot tell you how happy I am for you to be free from that daily pain and anxiety. It is terrifying to take the steps to get out of the situation and may be the hardest thing you will have ever done in your life but I will tell you from experience that once you get through all the "messy" separation and divorce stuff and you and your kids are away from that negative environment you will feel so empowered and the sense of freedom is overwhelming (in a good way!).
Sending you luck, hugs, prayers, positive energy and the knowledge that your life is going to improve in ways you could never imagine!
Jill
I have no specific goal(s) right now. I am trying to find the spiritual side of myself that I lost somewhere along the way.
Originally posted by MaryJo: Going through a divorce. It is a good thing, if that makes any sense. It has been a very toxic relationship for many, many years and I have finally had the courage to get out. Of course, it took so long because I thought I was staying for my kids when in reality it was ruining my kids. So, long story short, and lots of courage later, I did it!
Way to go, Mary Jo! You're so right, that DOES take a lot of courage! As a child of divorce, I can attest that "staying for the children" is not often the best option. While my life was no bed of roses AFTER my mother left, it was at least not the constant emotional upheaval I lived with while my parents were together.
I'm happy that you're free of that and can move on with your life. Brava!
Posts: 7864 | Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE | Registered: March 12, 2004
Hello Friends! I am glad to be back. It does feel good to be here! Lots going on and lots to do in my life. Going through a divorce. It is a good thing, if that makes any sense. It has been a very toxic relationship for many, many years and I have finally had the courage to get out. Of course, it took so long because I thought I was staying for my kids when in reality it was ruining my kids. So, long story short, and lots of courage later, I did it!
So, after many, many years of emotional abuse and disgust over myself, I recognize that the only one who can actually change my path, is me. Here I am, once again, making a decision to change, but this time it is different. It is different because I am removing the very thing that always told me I could never be anything. Wish me luck. Keep me in prayer. And my kids! This is the beginning of a very scary journey for us. Thanks for welcoming me back! I am happy to be here among people who care! MJ
Posts: 1393 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
Hey! Hello there everyone! I am trying to read some of the posts to see what you have all been up to! Hopefully everyone is doing well! I have a lot of catching up to do!!!
Posts: 1393 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
So good to see you MJ! Hope you'll jump right in. Cathy was rattling around a couple of weeks ago and D just got back not too long ago so it's 'old home week' as my mom used to say!
Hi! Just like Denise said to Diana, "I made you appear just by thinking of you!"
Honestly. I was watching the weather channel and they were talking about the weather in Florida and it made me think of you and wonder how you were doing.
mj
