Just a warning, I'm having PMS and am grumpy and slightly stressed.

For me, there have always been holiday foods. Part of Christmas has always been about baking for me. Its who I am.

With going wheat-free I haven't been able to do that. I can't have "just the filling" because, guess what? when you cut a slice, you get crumbs. I get stressed enough at holidays with family, and combining it with them eating all the wonderful crap in front of me...

I'm stressed that I'm going to have to work the day after our last concert, the day before Christmas eve. My mom is already bitching that I'm not going to be spending enough time with the family.

I'm upset that I'm not going to be able to go to Brazil with the choir. I would have loved to go. And its not something I can even discuss with my parents or family in terms of being sad because they think I'm just inventing the problem. They also think I'm inventing the wheat allergy too. And basically my mom doesn't think I'll ever make a singer. I know my voice has improved dramatically, but her beleif is that it will never happen. And that doubt is somewhat infectious. I love singing, but I worry that I'm imagining something that will never really happen. That my voice will never be good enough to sing solo.

I do sometimes wonder if the music teacher at the British school had thought I had a decent voice. I also worry that people are just telling me I have a nice voice to be nice.

Anyway, the homework (after this long emotional kaboom) is to list your self-doubts and frustrations that show up during this time of year, and offer solutions for folks on how to deal with some of it.

Isabel, thanks for the "reject altar" idea.

Cate,

I totally relate to the family issues. My mom is one of the least supportive people I know. I have to limit the amount of my life that I can share with her and my stepdad. (Although an interesting side note is that my stepdad is all of a sudden nicer to me...common bond of engineering maybe???)

Don't let the mom voices take you away from your goal. Reach out and do whatever you need to do to succeed at it. They might be trying to stifle you because they have been afraid in the past to reach out for something that they want. (I think that is what the problem has been with my mom.) I don't want to live my life in the "what if" mode. I can't see you wanting to either.

Other than that, hang in there. You'll get through the holidays just fine.

jen, there is nothing more blowing to self-esteem than job searching. when i was applying to law firms, i got one reject letter after another. so i got a cork board and started to post my reject letters. it took on a life of its own. i decided it was my "reject altar" and i started to get artistic and creative. some of my letters were turned into mohawk hair-do's. (heck, you gotta laugh, right?) remember--you define your worth, your talents, your value. things happen for a reason, so for every reject, say "thank you" to God (or whatever your belief is) that you don't have to waste any more energy, talent, personal gifts, etc. on that particular job prospect. the right position will find you. and tomorrow will be another day.

Today has been kind of a self-doubt day. I am starting a job search and that is definitely a scary, self-doubt-inducing activity. I am also working on my dissertation, which brings up lots more self-doubt, "Will it be good enough," "Will my chair like it," etc. I went shopping today at our big mall and I felt overwhelmed by all the people and underwhelmed by the clothing selection. I tried on some jeans today at the Gap and nothing fit right -- part of me was glad because they're so expensive.

Most of the time I try to focus on more positive stuff, but some days are just down days. I try to remember that just because I feel like a no-talent hack, doesn't mean that I really AM one.

Cate -
Go to www.celiac.com for tons of recipes for holiday sweets.... There are recipes for spritz cookies, gingerbread, biscotti, snicker cookies, chocolate chip meringues, etc...

They also have all kinds of cake and pie recipes that are GF.

Don't let your gluten intolerance stop you from baking!

Here's their sugar cookie recipe:
3 cups GF flour mix* (see below)
2 eggs
1 teaspoon soda
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 teaspoon almond (or flavoring of your choice)
1 cup GF margarine

Sift flour, soda & cream of tartar - cut in margarine or butter (I find that margarine is easier when rolling out the cookies). Beat eggs, add sugar & almond - mix well. Pour egg mixture into flour mixture and mix well by hand.

Chill at least 15 min (several days is also ok). Roll out to desired thickness on floured surface and cut into shapes. Decorate with colored sugar, or if you prefer, after baked & cooled frost and then sprinkle with colored sugar, etc.

2 cups powdered sugar mixed with some melted butter & lemon juice frosts one batch. Bake at 350F for 9 minutes.

* Bette Hagman's Four Flour Mix (from "The Gluten-Free Gourmet Bakes Bread").
Garfava Bean Flour 2/3 part
Sorghum Flour 1/3 part
Cornstarch 1 part
Tapioca Flour 1 part

Well, for me, Christmas baking got me in the mood, and helped me deal with the stress of my idiot family.

My mom and sister have this desire for Norman Rockwell, but my mom and pop don't seem to be able to have a decent Christmas without leaving someone in tears.

My mom wants me up at the Lake right after Midnight Mass, so that they can spend as much time with me as possible for Christmas.

I'm not a Christmas person, so the whole holiday is a chore rather than a joy. (At least that's how it feels in advance.) My family and I do celebrate, and I enjoy being with them, but Christmas isn't a big deal for me. Of course there are always issues to be dealt with, such as the memory of my mother who died Dec 18, 11 years ago. And then there's the food thing. Regardless of what we choose to eat, there's always the temptation to overeat. "It's a holiday! Celebrate! The shops will be closed, buy more so you won't starve!"

I think I might try to minimize the amount of candy, cookies and other "random" temptations and try not to have them in the house. As for the food, I don't plan to use any low-fat or fat-free substitutes. Whatever I eat, I eat... and pay the price. I plan to exercise portion control, whatever that is in my book.

I agree with Denise that it's not what you put in your mouth over the holidays. It's what you go on putting in your mouth throughout the year.

One thing I would like is to be able to focus on the joy of being with people I care about and just blot out all the commercial aspects of the holidays.

being in a blended family, my stress was usually a part of step-kids coming and not being able to live up to ___(just fill in the blank)__. but i think i am pretty much beyond that these days. it took me 37 years to get better about "the disease to please" and "guilt guilt guilt".(I was the poster-adult for GUILT) now, i think most of my anxiety is about the overwhelming amounts of food. i am trying to do as much pre-planning as possible with regard to the food worries, the rest i try to let go and focus on enjoying people. i have lowered my standards, i guess, but i am much saner. i know i cannot please people. all i know is, my own intentions...which are to express my concern for people and to show my joy for being with them. it is up to others how they wish to receive that. cate, i would bet that you sing beautifully--what a wonderful gift you have!

I have perfect-holiday-syndrome. I want everything to be Hallmark card, Coke commercial perfect, but of course it never is. I don't have that great big loving family, nor do I have the large farmhouse with ceilings high enough to accommodate the biggest pine tree in the forest. And I certainly don't have the money to lavish my near and dear ones with lots of expensive gifts. But in my innermost heart of hearts, it's still kinda what I want.

I just try to remember that DS is making wonderful holiday memories even if I don't put on a Santa apron and churn out batch after batch of perfect cookies. He's thrilled with an average-size Christmas tree because he gets to help decorate it. He will still love me even if I don't get him all the latest and greatest toys. And DH just wants me to be happy. I guess that's pretty close to perfect, after all.

Cate - My sil has celiacs and can't eat wheat but she bakes all the time. She has a mixture of gluten free flours that she uses to bake cookies and cakes and they are great! (She made them for us when we were in FL for my mil's funeral). She also does what Dawn suggested - makes cheesecake, key lime pie, etc... in ramekins without any crust. She also makes flans, triffle and puddings that are gf and awesome tasting.

I'm also want to reach out and give you a big hug. Don't let your family undermine your self confidence!

As for the homework, holidays are still a bit tough for me as they always bring back more memories of my son. I struggle with not feeling entirely whole at this time of year and then feel guilty about it. It's getting better little by little but it's still there.

Cate: My mantra for the season is "holidays are about people not food".

Since I began my journey into healthier living, I have realized that there are somethings that I will want to give up for the day and somethings that are non-negotiable. When my grandmother makes her fabulous coffee cake, that I am inheriting the recipe, I will have a small slice for her...but I will by pass gravy and potatoes. It's a choice I make because I love her and it would hurt her to not have me at least try it. there are samples and there are servings.

My insecurities fall around finances. I can't seem to get my extended family to understand that in our house every little small copper penny is counted every month. We have no extra money put aside for anything. I can't take off at every medical emergency with my father for a 700 mile trip. I am the black sheep there. I hate it, but there is not much I can do.
I don't like the fact that my sons are grown and have lives of their own, so I am feeling along, depressed and ambivilant about the holidays. No one will be here for Thanksgiving, for the first time in 24 years we will go out.
Christmas traveling is always a ???? depending on weather, so I may be alone then also.

But, I am learning that there are people who need me and whom I can share my love with and still call it a Christmas season, a thanksgiving season.

Cate,
This doesn't answer the homework, but is an idea for you for a holiday treat if you like pumpkin pie. You can bake the filling in custard cups in a baine marie and it turns out delicious. I used to do this a lot to avoid the calories of the crust.

Dawn