Lets face it. Being fat is often a protection, a shield. We can 'attribute' lots of things to being fat, for instance:

"Men don't like fat women, which is why I can't get a date"

or
"When I'm slim, I'll do A, B, C, but I can't do that now, I'm too fat"

I used fat as a protection against my family and my own self-esteem issues. It gave me a convenient excuse (I'm simplifying, it was a whole host of things that led to the fatness, including not protecting myself against the guy I was dating, and letting him dictate how I should be)

Fat can also be a physical protection/anchor. I found myself slipping a lot more this winter, being blown by the wind... I think in some ways being fat felt like it gave me more of a presence, even though it also conferred an invisibility. As I slim down, I find people have a tendency to write me as younger than I am... and I do wonder if maybe it was partly not being felt/heard that led to some of this...

Anyway, how has fat been a protection for you, and how are you dealing/managing while losing that protective sheath? How are you ensuring that you won't need that protective layer again?

quote:

Originally posted by SheriaVa:
I have absolutely used my fat as protection. Mostly as a shield against intimacy. I have intimacy and trust issues, especially in regard to romantic relationships with men.

Same here and I don't think I realized it until I just read this homework and your post. I am sitting here with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach because I am realizing something for the first time (at least consciously aware-I'm sure somewhere deep inside i have always known). I have a tendency to push people away and not just in romantic relationships. Friends and family too. I am sitting here thinking that my serious trust issues are being guarded by my being overweight. Because if someone hurts me or leaves me when I am fat, then I can blame it on the fat and not on me. But if I'm thin and in shape and someone leaves me then what do I blame it on? Even though I am in a relationship, and was in one for 10 years before this one, I never feel like I fully "commit" to it. I love my b/f, don't get me wrong, but I do believe I keep him at arm's length "just in case". Then the pain isn't so bad if things go wrong. And I also realized that I have never once been dumped by a guy-I have always been the one to break up w/them. Wow, Cate this may be the homework that has the deepest affect on me ever! I have a lot to think about...

Jill

In my case, I don't know about the self-protection part, but I am totally annoyed by people who dare to reject me, in spite of the fact that I lost 40#. There should be some kind of law against that.

when i went up 3 dress sizes, i felt so disgusted with myself. I can definitely say that I did not want to be touched. I did not feel attractive. I did not feel lovable. I would say that my marriage definitely suffered. it was also during that time that I started to do more and more yoga, which helped my body image issues so much. becuase yoga was all about accepting yourself in the moment, no matter what. I also started taking long baths and spending time just appreciating my body and my belly, and meditating. I think if I did not do those things, the body-loathing would have really gotten me into a downward spiral that would have been difficult to get out of.

I have absolutely used my fat as protection. Mostly as a shield against intimacy. I have intimacy and trust issues, especially in regard to romantic relationships with men. I have not had good fortune with men. I also know, from reading a book for adult children of alcoholics some years back, that a lot of this issue is a result of growing up with 2 alcoholic parents where you never knew from moment to moment what was going to happen.

I am very old-fashioned in regard to intimacy and sex--i.e., casual sex just isn't something that is in my vocabulary--and I find that a lot of men (or maybe I'm just meeting the wrong men) do not have the patience to wait until I am comfortable. They know they can get sex on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date with many other women, so they feel there is no need to invest the time. As a result, I have had my heart broken or feelings crushed many times when I thought I had found someone I could really click with, only to be dumped.

So if I am fat, then I am less attractive to men, hence I don't get asked out as much, hence I don't have to deal with the issues as much. There was a time in my life when having a man in my life was a pretty big thing--when I was young and thought I had to be like everyone else. But I have lived enough years as a single woman now to know that, while it would be lovely to have a man in my life long term, it is just fine if I don't. I'm very comfortable being alone and actually very much require alone time at this point.

I think the time is up for this week, doctor. See you next week.

I don't think I have ever used "fat" as a protector. I grew up as a skinny kid and I have pictures to prove it . After I got out of high school and started working is when I started gaining weight but I really didn't think much about it.
Back in the 70's when the Atkins Diet was new and I tried it, it was not because I thought I was "fat". I knew I was overweight but I had never considered dieting. Some friends of mine at work, that I ate lunch with, told me about this "great new diet" that they were on so I read the book and decided to do it with them. I did great initially (& lost 30lbs) but when it came time to add veggies back into it I found I did not like anything that was allowed (I was very picky back then) so I stopped.
I hear about people that have a warped since of body image and think of themselves as "fat" even after they have lost all the weight they need to but while my since of body image is incorrect, it is skewed in the other direction. My mental image of myself is still that skinny kid. I don't think of myself as "fat" (although I know I am "overweight") and I am always shocked when I see myself in a full length mirrow or in photos and I think to myself, "Do I really look like THAT?!?"

I suppose the only way I have ever used fat as a "protection" is that I did not used to get cold like everyone else did . My co-workers hated it when the maintaince man came around and asked ME if it was cold in the office. They were wearing sweaters and I had my fan going at my desk. I feel the cold much more now that I have lost 40lbs.