Wow Coaster Girl, you’re not an easy act to follow. Seeing as it’s the end of the week and we’ve done some serious inner reflections already, I think it is time to look outward today.

As you go about your daily business, lets all take time to see how people react around us. Do you have friends/ family or coworkers that are cheering you on? Maybe you have a friend who is acting a little jealous. I know many of us also have friends and family who try to help by trying to change us to their eating styles.

Perhaps it would be a good day to thank those people who help us the most. Also we can share advice on how to handle those who don’t seem to have our best interests at heart.

For me, I’ve found that my family is really there for me. My mom calls all the time, just to see how my workout went. Dad anxiously awaits the dish of leftovers I’ll bring him for lunch. My sister has even planned our vacation together around long walks on the beach, instead of a setting that lends itself to just shopping and eating (our usual destinations). The best of all has been my husband. I know I’ve mentioned this before but he is awesome. He actually spent the afternoon at the grocery store with me, picking out veggies, deciding on meals. He’ll give me the gentle prod in the morning by whispering, “don’t you have to get to the gym”.

My friends are another story. I have one friend who has been through everything with me and will continue to be I’m sure. She has been wonderful, fixing special meals, choosing places that serve a wide variety of foods, so I have options. My other friends drive me slightly crazy. From the one who is on such a “carbs are bad” kick to the one I mentioned in another post who thinks overweight is a plague or something.

Another surprising thing, at least to me, is that suddenly many of the women in my water aerobics class are asking my advice for recipies and eating habits. I’m just not used to it, but they’ve seen my weight loss. (Heck they were even there when I suddenly realized I needed a smaller swim suit).


Laurie

quote:

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Originally posted by Lori4squaremom:
Two other friends at church think that they are supportive, but actually they aren't because they watch every bit of food that goes into my mouth and make comments...

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Lori, I was thinking. Every post I make is 98% for myself and 2% for the other person. Every post is me thinking or talking out loud... mostly to myself.

Maybe in a way, these women are talking more to themselves than to you. Maybe they are restrictive with themselves because one piece of cake will lead to 4 more. I bet that they are talking through their own process when they talk to you. It sounds like you have already learned not to take it personally. Maybe this will help.

Denise

I also get very defensive about the whole losing weight issue. My mom asked me about a month ago if I was putting on some weight and it really made me angry. Of course, I didn't tell her that, but I did revert to being 6 years old again. I actually found myself thinking "well, I was going to start doing something about my weight, but now that she mentioned it maybe I won't." How silly is that? The only one I'm hurting is myself.

Pam
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I used to have similar feelings when my husband would be "encouraging". For me, it was a timing thing. When I wasn't really 100% committed, I found my dh's comments intrusive and always looked for some hidden messages. Once I KNEW in my heart that I need to do this for me, I didn't interpret my dh's support in anything but a positive way.
It sounds iike you have already done some soul searching about your reaction to your dh and know that it's based on your past. Maybe you can talk to your dh about ways that he can gently support you without pushing those old buttons. You can also try to "reprogram" that voice in your head so you don't look too deeply into his comments and just take then at face value. I know it's easier said than done but it is possible!

This is a subject on which I can use a little advice! My husband would be very supportive if I could figure out a way for him to help me. And for me to accept the support. I dated a guy one time who told me that I needed to lose weight (I am 4'11" and weighed 115 at the time, dropped to 108 but deprived my self of everything).

Anyhow, now if my husband asks if I am going to the gym or if I am going to work out I get very defensive and feel like he is pushing me into something. But I know that he is not. Does that make sense? Any advice? I would to be able to have his support.

Thanks,
Pam

I have an incredibly supportive husband and children, and I have two friends at church that are very supportive. Two other friends at church think that they are supportive, but actually they aren't because they watch every bit of food that goes into my mouth and makes comments. I plan for everything that I eat, even at church events, and at church events, I know that there will be things that I normally don't eat, so I allow for those items in my daily plan and exercise plan. But they don't ask that, they just make comments on how I really shouldn't eat this item or that item because I've worked so hard to get this weight off, etc, etc, etc. They both have lost a lot of weight over the past several years, and they did it by being very restrictive in their diets. THat is not the way that I want to live my life, never eating my favorite foods again.

this is a great assignment... I needed to stop and realize how supported I am...

My fiance is amazing... he is all for eating healthier (even though weightwise he doesn't have to watch anything he eats.. but realizes he needs to eat healthier)... though I can't say he was always supportive... we met online a little over 4 years ago... I was afraid to tell him how much I weighed at first... we just got to know each other... I finally told him... and he wasn't sure if he wanted to meet... or for the relationship to go to the next level... I'll give it to him for being honest... but then we finally met in person 3 1/2 years ago... and we both realized there was something special there... he says now he doesn't even notice the weight so much... and tells me that I'm beautiful all the time... in words AND actions... which has really helped me realize that I am...

Other than that... I don't have anyone else that's really supportive... but no one else that's NOT supportive... my family doesn't comment either way... and I'm ok with that... it's nothing unusual... the only comments I get are... "are you trying to lose weight before the wedding?"... I just tell them no.. I'm working on being healthier... any weight loss is just a bonus...

jacqui

I am so lucky---I have a fantastic cheering squad that never lets me down. How can you fail when there is nothing but positive energy surrounding you? Poof! I'm sharing with all of you.

Lynnette

I started making a list of all the supportive people in my life and how they support me or how we support each other - but the list got too long!! Is that cool or what!!

My MIL is the only exception. Food is partly how she shows affection. (Her cats weigh 20+ pounds each - they should weigh about 9 or 10.) Going to her house can be stressful but I've pretty much got it figured out. Just because she serves huge meals - doesn't mean that I've got to eat everything. I'm mentally prepared now for the bowls of candy, chips, etc. all over the house.

MIL's is also hard on ds but every time she sees him he is slimmer and slimmer. She doesn't mention that he looks better but the comments about his weight are few and far between now.

Denise

I'm very lucky. I seem to have many people who wish me well, yet on the other hand it seems as though no one else is really with me on my journey. That is part of why I enjoy coming here so much. I know everyone here, though at different levels, is working diligently toward a healthier mind and body. My husband has always been great. He watched me balloon 60 more pounds to my already well over 200 lb body and never once said anything that was demeaning or hurtful and always tried to make me feel beautiful. But even now he never brings up my weight loss specifically. If I bring it up, he is very supportive. I guess he doesn't want to hurt my feelings if I had an "unproductive" week. At church its been a different story. People are coming up to me and saying, "Are you still losing weight? What are you doing? I wish I had your willpower." I enjoy telling them that I haven't given up anything I love to eat. I have just chosen to add more healthy things to my diet like more vegetables and whole grains to help balance the other unhealthy options I still enjoy on occasion. There are a couple of friends I have that I don't ever bring my weight loss up to because it seems as if they aren't interested for some reason, so I just don't bring it up and we don't have a problem. I think they think that this won't last much longer. I am going to proove them wrong and proove to myself that I can do this. So like I said, I am very fortunate in the many areas of support I have and I want to do this more than I ever have in my life and for the first time I am really hopeful that this will be a way of living for the rest of my life.

This is a tough topic for me--though, thankfully, not as tough as it was 6 months ago. As most of you from CT know, I did not feel very supported through the first 6 months or so of my journey except for the CT family, which was my lifeline. Granted, my lifestyle went through a drastic change last summer, and maybe people in my life just didn't know what to make of that. Maybe they assumed it wouldn't last so didn't want to comment on it, or maybe they weren't sure it was a good thing. Who knows.

Around Christmas, my mother visited and saw me thinner for the first time in years and didn't even say anything (until I mentioned it). Just after Christmas, as mentioned in another thread, my brother called (having heard from my mother of my new lifestyle) and was shocked that I had lost weight and assumed I had been threatened with death by my doctor. What hurt even more than that, I think, was that he said Mom just raved during her visit with HIM about how committed I was to my new lifestyle and how good I looked, etc., etc...and did she say any of that to me? Did she ever infer it? No.

Since Christmas, though, things have turned around. One of my best friends, who lives a few hours away, has become very supportive. When I visited in February, he went out of his way to make meals that were healthy and included vegetables I liked. He even stocked a gigantic bowl of cantaloupe in the fridge for healthy snacking. I felt so loved and supported! I wrote him a heartfelt note when I got home and we later discussed it on the phone. He said it felt great not only to support me but for me to recognize and appreciate his supporting me.

A relatively new coworker who is a lifetime Weight Watcher member moved into the cube next to mine several months ago and she has become not only a great source of support and information, but built-in accountability! She can see everything I eat and vice versa! hehe

And, last but not least, as I recently said in another thread, the impact of the CT family on my life in the past 10 months can never be fully expressed. When I had no one else to talk to, you were there for me. And I won't ever forget that. Thanks.

My husband is definately my biggest supporter in my new lifestyle. He's quick with the compliments, and very accepting of the changes to his dinner plate.

My father is another person whose support has been invaluable. I work for him, and he's allowed me to flex my work hours to accomodate going to the gym while the nursery is open, even though it means starting work after 10 am.

Most of the people around me have been supportive. The only complaints I might have come when we're eating out with my family, but they don't pressure me to go off plan--I just see them eating french fries and darn it I want some too. Or when we visitt my in-laws--no one forces my hand into the candy jar, but it's always out there on the couter top tempting me.

alli

What wonderful homework assignments! Who needs kd You guys are great. You're raising really important issues. Understanding where we're getting support and where we're not is key.

Learning how to protect yourself in the presence of all levels of support or a lack thereof is key to survival.

Very timely homework assignment as I've been thinking about this topic this week. My fil and I spoke yesterday and he's all fired up about his new exercise routine. He was so excited to tell me about it because he knows how committed I am to my plan.
I've found that I have some great family and friends who truly get my new healthy life styles and then there are those who seem jealous and undermining. This was a big struggle for me in the beginning but I'm getting better and better with sharing my success with the supportive people and just not even talking about it with those who are not. I still get the occassional snide comment or two from the non-supportive group but not as much since we just don't talk about it.

Hi all,

Decided to hop on the homework wagon this morning. With me being 5"8 or maybe 5"9 can't remember my brain cells get eaten away like the game PacMan at times with my busy life. Anyway lets just say I'm tall but people think I don't eat I'm too skinny. There just people who see me on the outside not on the inside. I eat more than I ever did. I was the kids who always threw her lunch away in HighSchool or did the hide it under the napkin routine (Mom please forgive me!)But since I decided to live the Healthy Lifestyle and exercise and eat food that help my body I can't help it if it doesn't look like I eat.I have good metabolism that likes to burn. Which I know as i get older will decrease .

Ask my dear Hubby since he is the only one who sees me naked . I am tone there is meat on my bones . Maybe its the clothes maybe I truely need to buy clothes that fit and not hang off. I feel like I'm doing something right becausese my bestfriend since grade school and I have a Committ...Don't Quit... Get Fit attitude. I have girls at my Husbands work always asking him what I made last night because it looks so good(he takes our left-overs for lunch thr next day).

So Laurie I hope I'm answering this assignment right

ttfn
Patty

Laurie, you're very gracious. Thank you for the compliment.

I find people around me have one of two reactions: either I've inspired them to attempt their own weight loss changes or they run from me because somehow they must notice the occasional "people watching" that I do.

I do get asked about exercise habits, recipes, cookbooks, and what kind of diet that I'm on. Most guess Atkins. All are floored when I tell them that there is nothing restricted in my food world. I eat what I want, I just plan and limit what I'm eating that isn't the best choice.

The people watching is just kind of a natural habit. I never know where my next idea or inspiration will come from. Sometimes I see someone doing something that I didn't realize that I do. Sometimes, I get reminded of a habit that I should have...like today when I left two bites of oreo cheesecake on my plate while I was at lunch with my grandpa. It was a habit I learned from my best friend.

My mom was really excited about my initial weight loss, that is, until she figured out that she wasn't the motivating factor in the equation. She still tries to encourage, but lately, it's been me doing the coaching. The "Cedar Point Diet" (mom's name for my eating plan) turned into the "Cruise diet" for her and my stepdad.

If anything I learn can help even one person, then it's all worth the effort and work that I am putting out.

Happy Friday all!