ok. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but something odd happened in church yesterday.

We have, in the choir, a young lady (teenager) who has some mild developmental disability. She usually just comes to the rehearsals and does not sing. Yesterday she showed up before Mass and she was in tears. Basically overwhelmed, hysterical crying. She said that her "mommy" had hit her. She said this a couple of times. Her brother, who was also there, tried to get her to hush. I sent him upstairs and got her calmed down, had her standing next to her brother, and she did ok.

Afterwards, Gabe asked her if she was ok, and her mother said "oh yes, she's just grumpy in the morning". Grumpy is not the word I would have used. I would not have sent an upset teen to sing, either.

I don't think there is a pattern of physical abuse here, but it is odd. Her grandmother made mereingues (sp?) last night and brought them to Mass for me this morning. (I clean the church with her grandmother).

I guess I'll just keep watching to see if anything else happens. I may talk to Gabriel tomorrow and get his take on it, too. I just don't want to cause any problems, but if there is something more going on, I don't want to sweep it under the rug.

I'm just worried. I've got a gut feeling here that all is not right, but don't want to hurt anyone.

I talked to Gabe. He seems to think it was just her feeling overwhelmed, but he is going to keep an ear to the ground, since he has more interactions with her parents.

Apparently her mother was concerned with how she was doing. And asked Gabe when he came up but I was still downstairs with her daughter. It was just chaotic that day.

So we are just playing it low-key right now, but he is aware of my concern.

Her parents have never told him what level she operates, but I'm thinking about a ten-yo emotional one. She doesn't have good emotional control and needs an adult's prompting to be able to pull herself together.

Gonna offer another opinion here... I was talking to several mom's of autistic kids yesterday and how they handled Easter at church...it is difficult on any given day for a family w/ a child w/ a disability at church...but on packed services such as Easter it is next to impossible. One family bolted early...another brought gameboy earplugs and all. I'm not saying DON'T do anything--but ANY call to authorties will guarantee that a social worker shows up at their door. I know of families w/ children w/ dev disabilities that have been taken from their home by anonynomys tipsters and it ended up truely being nothing- on the other hand do watch what is going on. and Pray... for sure... on what to do....
Amy

quote:

Originally posted by Brie:
Can you bring your concerns to the head of your church? Perhaps the priest could talk to this girl one on one.

I agree.

Jill

Can you bring your concerns to the head of your church? Perhaps the priest could talk to this girl one on one.

Cate,

Go with your gut. You were there, but don't hestitate to make a call. You can remain anonymous, but I'd rather die of embarrassment than see someone else in a harmful situation.

Linda

I work with kids who have been abused. And the hair went up on my back when I read your account of the day. YES, definitely watch, but don't hesitate to call in someone who knows more than you. You can call TIP lines and speak without giving your name to a person who will advise you on what to do. The brother's remarks and actions speak many. How many mothers/fathers come into my office and say, "she's cranky in the morning" leaving out the part that says I slap some happiness into her. But watch, see counsel and be there if this young lady needs help. I'd rather err on the side of not being abused that the other side.

Cate,

It does sound like there may be some cause for concern, but if it were me, I'd just watch it and get some council from someone that knows the family better. I know from working with a young lady this past summer that has a "mild" developmental disability, that sometimes this includes some fairly severe (in my opinion) emotional issues. In the case of the young lady that my friend and I worked with, we had to ask our children to please not come into the kitchen when we were working with her (we were all working together in the kitchen at church one night a week for a teen program that my church sponsored.....we kept water and lemonade jugs filled and passed out frozen treats at the end of the night for approx. 250 teens). Our children (specifically my 3 youngest children) would send her into a "tizzy" and she'd start banging herself on the head, crying out for her step-mom, and then when her stepmom would come into the kitchen this young lady would cuss her out and yell at her. We did have to ask the stepmom twice to please take the young lady somewhere safe (a church kitchen is not a safe place for someone in this state) so that she and no one else would get hurt. Anyhow, all of this to say, she always blamed her stepmom for it, when it was actually my friends' and my children (particularly my 3 youngest....there were some reasons for that, we found out much later...not my kids' fault) that would "get her going".

Now I don't know if this is the case in your situation or not, but I know for the young lady that was with us, it really had absolutely NOTHING to do with her stepmom. Instead it was a fear of children (the young lady that we worked with was 19 years old). Maybe there is something similar going on with your young lady.....I'd watch, and talk to someone that knows the family better to find out what you can that way.

I will definitely be praying for you, Catherine!

Cate,
It does seem that you may want to keep your eye out, but the other thing to consider is this.

When you say "Mild developmental disability" I don't really know at what age level she really functions. So, she may know the difference, but just to give you an idea of how some kids function.

DS is 8 1/2 and he is very intelligent, yet he still sometimes has difficulty differentiating between someone actually hitting him and someone hitting him on accident. He has a bad habit if hanging out behind me right behind my elbows. Generally, I know he's there, but there are times that I don't. If I elbow him or turn around fast and knock into him he thinks "You hit me." Well, yes, technically I did, but it wasn't intentional. I have seen a lot of kids his age too getting mad at each other because they start out rough housing and when someone gets hurt, they get mad, even though they were both rough housing and it is evident to any adult that this is a bad idea, and it wasn't that either child really meant to hurt the other.

So, maybe her mom did hit her, but maybe it was an accident and she cannot differntiate.

It is just a thought, but it definitly wouldn't hurt to keep you eyes open.

Dawn

Go with your gut! If it doesn't feel right, chances are it probably is not. The brother's reaction is what sends alarm bells up to me.

1. Think- Why are you concerned? What may the consequences be if your "gut" is correct?

2. Watch- patterns of behavior, conversation topics, interraction with others. Is anything different?

3. Act- in whatever decision, or whomever you confide in, you have the option to remain completely anonymous. Try not to include anyone in your discussions who will not be part of a solution. Is there a professional counselor who can intervene with the family?

4. Above all- pray for wisdom! This type of "needed interference" comes with great responsiblity as well as lifelong consequences (whether for the good or the bad).