*&%$##*)*)*)*&*YY
Yes, that is how it feels, when some jerk in the gym decides to butt in on your workout. I am doing my sit ups, getting ready for the police academy test, and this dimwit, sitting on a piece of exercise equipment, talking on a cell phone, no less, decides I should be doing them in an easier way. Doesn't ask why I am doing them at all, isn't asked for her opinion in the first place. Maybe it is the stress of taking the exam, or the fact that she got in my face, or both, but I let her have it right back. Not by yelling, but by letting her know why I was doing them the way I was doing them and that her comments were not helpful and not welcome.
I should add that she was about 100 pounds overweight and I wondered afterwards if jealousy might have been an issue. I know my reaction to her was not positive, but her comments felt like a violation.

Anyone else with a comment? Thanks for listening.

quote:

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Originally posted by Sherry:
Mel,
I think you misinterpreted me. I did not intend my post as an inflammatory one. Nor did I call any names. I just made the statement that I didn't like the way she added that this woman was about 100 pounds overweight, and then I asked an honest question. Perhaps I perceived something that wasn't there and I wanted to know if that was the case. I do tend to get offended when people make statements about someone being "100 pounds overweight". You see, my husband and his entire family all have weight problems. Our 13 year old daughter inherited his genes and also has a weight problem. Being the overprotective mother I am, it hurts me to no end when people are insensitive to her plight. She also has to deal with peers telling her, "your mother is so thin, why aren't you?" Teenagers are a cruel species. They learn it from their parents. I am not hypocritical. However, I am a sensitive, Christian mother, who upon much soul searching has decided she came to the wrong forum. My daughter and I will find our way, just not here where statements about being "100 pounds overweight" can destroy what self esteem she has left.

God Bless,
Sherry

Nancy,
If I offended you by my question, I am truly sorry. My only point was, whether someone is 10 pounds or 100 pounds overweight, they are both overweight. God judges our interiors, not our exteriors. Most of us rejoice in this simple fact.

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Please don't judge the entire forum based upon the comments of one person. That isn't fair either.

Most of us are very caring and supportive people. Many of us are or have been 100lbs overweight and wouldn't consider judging someone on that issue.

Dawn

Sherry - I guess I did misinterpret your post. Please understand that of all places, this forum will be the best place to get understanding, support and no judgement about weight problems of any kind. Most of us have been there or are still there - that's why we are here. Since it was your first post, I didn't know you and took it as a little harsh. You were immedately judging the entire forum by one post when you said
"But I also don't want to be a part of a forum that descriminates against someone because they have a weight problem."
From what I have seen on this board in my short time on it, we are all very supportive of any issue and will answer any questions or problems with the best of intentions.

Just so you can get to know me better - my mother has a weight problem (she has weighed over 250 lbs my whole life) and I have seen the cruelty of adults and children in relation to weight and tend to get offended as well. I didn't have a problem until I turned 30. I made a committment 2 months ago to change my lifestyle to adjust to my new body and metabolism. This forum, kd's books and show along with my doctor have provided me the support and information I have needed to already lose 12 lbs, but I still have about 30 to go. I hope you stay and get the support and information you need.

Mel

Mel,
I think you misinterpreted me. I did not intend my post as an inflammatory one. Nor did I call any names. I just made the statement that I didn't like the way she added that this woman was about 100 pounds overweight, and then I asked an honest question. Perhaps I perceived something that wasn't there and I wanted to know if that was the case. I do tend to get offended when people make statements about someone being "100 pounds overweight". You see, my husband and his entire family all have weight problems. Our 13 year old daughter inherited his genes and also has a weight problem. Being the overprotective mother I am, it hurts me to no end when people are insensitive to her plight. She also has to deal with peers telling her, "your mother is so thin, why aren't you?" Teenagers are a cruel species. They learn it from their parents. I am not hypocritical. However, I am a sensitive, Christian mother, who upon much soul searching has decided she came to the wrong forum. My daughter and I will find our way, just not here where statements about being "100 pounds overweight" can destroy what self esteem she has left.

God Bless,
Sherry

Nancy,
If I offended you by my question, I am truly sorry. My only point was, whether someone is 10 pounds or 100 pounds overweight, they are both overweight. God judges our interiors, not our exteriors. Most of us rejoice in this simple fact.

P.S. Sherry, I think that you will find people here very supportive and not prone to flaming. We try to keep things friendly.

It sounds like you have some very serious weight issues and I hope that you are getting some help with them. Good luck in battling those demons.

You're right Jen. That person who was 100 lbs overweight may have already lost 20 and may have had some good advice. However, in most situations, we don't want criticsm, we want support. I think we all assume things about people we don't know. Maybe if there had been some effort to get to know Nancy before the statement, Nancy would have taken it a different way. I think the best advice is that if you don't personally know someone, don't give or take advice unless asked or asking! Just smile and walk on by!

Mel

I think Sherry has a point in that you can't automatically assume that someone has nothing to offer you just because they weigh more than you. I know a lot of thin people who know very little about diet or exercise, they are just genetically lucky or eat very little.

I think, though, that the MYOB principle applies at the gym -- if someone has not asked for your advice, it's probably unwise to offer it. I also think, though, that it's nicer to assume that someone's intentions were good even if the effect was annoying. Still, I have been the victim of unsolicited workout advice and it does always bug me. I don't like to have someone imply that they are doing something wrong. And the other implication is that the person giving the advice thinks he or she is smarter/better/fitter/etc. than I am, which tends to bug me.

My feeling in both Nancy's case and Laurie's case, the advice-offering was probably a clumsy attempt at striking up a friendship (or in Laurie's case, maybe a bad pickup strategy). I think if you want to make friends at the gym, general pleasantries are a better strategy than offering advice or correcting people (which, as we have seen, only annoys people or makes them feel defensive). And people are often in a rush to get through their routines, so you may just want to smile and be generally friendly but not try to strike up a long conversation.

Personally, I tend to try to get in and out of the gym quickly, but I don't mind a friendly (short) conversation now and then and actually find getting to know people at the gym to be pretty motivating. Still, I try to be respectful of other people's time and not be intrusive.

Sherry - I'm not going to flame you, but it seems that you flamed Nancy for her post - a bit hypocritical, don't you think? I think the reason she pointed out that the woman was about 100 lbs overweight is that it is difficult to take advice or correction from someone who hasn't accomplished the goal that she is giving advice on. It would be as if someone who was 85 lbs corrected you on your efforts to gain weight - it would be hard to take becuase that person obviously hasn't been successful. I'm sorry for your weight issues - any weight issue can be difficult, but it must be hard to find support for weight gain because the majority of people need to lose. This forum is for anyone who wants a healthy lifestyle, but it is mostly people who need to lose weight. Obviously we all need to vent here and there. Everyone here is very supportive, I think you just misinterpreted Nancy's words. Good luck with your efforts.

Mel

Hi, I just felt I needed to play devil's advocate and defend this woman. Maybe she actually thought she was being helpful. And honestly, I didn't like the way you added in she is about 100 pounds overweight. Do you have a problem with overweight people? I came to this forum because I NEED to gain weight. I am 5'4" and weight about 90 pounds. My doctor has threatened a feeding tube if I don't gain at least 20 lbs. I don't want to gain fat, but lean muscle mass. But I also don't want to be a part of a forum that descriminates against someone because they have a weight problem. You see, in MY MIND I am that overweight person and it is something I am trying to overcome. Maybe you were just having a bad day, but maybe you should examine the reason why you felt the need to add that she was so overweight. I know I will probably get flamed for this response but oh well, if this is the type place that flames people for their weight issues, I don't need to be here anyway.

God Bless,
Sherry

quote:

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Originally posted by Laurie:
There is a man at the gym where I was going who thinks he knows all. He actually yelled across the room at me when i was doing pull ups. I was doing a set of 8 weight assisted pull ups, he yelled over that unless you can do 50 in a row, you shouldn't even bother. Sorry but I am very proud of the fact i can do those 8. I had never been able to do them before. Next machine, he tells me I/m doing the movements to slow, and shows me how fast he can do them.... and pulled a muscle!!! talk about some fast acting Karma!!

The only people i pay any head to are the trainers on duty

Laurie

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Sounds to me like he was hitting on you. That's the way those meathead types try to impress the girls. Obviously you were not impressed!

first...Grrlscout....good luck on your test!!!!

And thanks to all for their support. Great replies, and especially the reminder about picking the right battles. If she wants to sit in the gym on the cell phone, heck, let her. I should be smarter than going at it with her. The armchair athletes of the world can stay in the armchairs, folks....no matter how much WE do, we are out there doing it!! And that puts us way ahead of them.

That is really annoying. I had a guy totally ream me at the pool one time, because I got into "HIS" lane with out asking him or telling him. Well, I had been waiting to try to mention to him I was getting in the lane but he wouldn't stop swimming, so I just got in.

Sorry, didn't realize his membership dues allowed him private use of a lane...

I had, had a really bad day that day, and swimming was one way I had planned to releave stress, so I really didn't need this jerk to add to it.

Anyway, people can be really rude. I think in your case though, people "think" they are being helpful, and aren't trying to be rude. I'm sure I've been guilty of that at some point in my life, with some issue or another.

I think Bee's answer of "Thanks but this is how I was instructed by a certified trainer" is an excellent answer. How can someone argue with that?

Dawn

There is a man at the gym where I was going who thinks he knows all. He actually yelled across the room at me when i was doing pull ups. I was doing a set of 8 weight assisted pull ups, he yelled over that unless you can do 50 in a row, you shouldn't even bother. Sorry but I am very proud of the fact i can do those 8. I had never been able to do them before. Next machine, he tells me I/m doing the movements to slow, and shows me how fast he can do them.... and pulled a muscle!!! talk about some fast acting Karma!!

The only people i pay any head to are the trainers on duty

Laurie

Hats off for containing yourself and not going off on her right back. If that were me, I probably would have yelled!! It's good that you did have self-control. Think of it as outside training for when you do become an officer.

Joyce

quote:

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Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
Do you have kids? Strangers often feel free to comment on your child's behavior or your parenting skills or what your child is wearing, etc., etc.

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Oh Denise, you are so right. I don't need to have one more person tell me what I MUST do to easy my son's teething (he's a big drooller). If I tried everything I've been told to, I'd be broke by now.

I have a standard response that works on them, and would most definately work on gym butt-inskies:

"Thanks, maybe I'll try that."

To them it sounds like I'm going to do what they've suggested, and they walk away content that they have saved me from myself. To me it's code for: I'm placing that right into my mental trash can.

alli

I have a pet peeve about that too. It's one thing for a trainer to give you advice but from a random person - ugh, that bugs me too. I usually say something like "thanks for your concern but my certified trainer recommended this exercise."

Good luck with your exam!

Welcome Nancy!

Ack jerks like that bug me. But like others have said, it's usually some deficiency they have going on in their lives that makes them act like know it alls.

Also, good luck with the police academy test! I'm testing with the state fire marshal's office this weekend. So I know the stress you're going though!

Hi and welcome Nancy. Sounds like you are working out and doing quite well.
I agree with Denise. Generally if someone corrects or critcizes me, I don't fight back because I have a pretty clear sense of my own plan and it is working for me.
I find that most people who correct or advise are not too happy and I generally avoid them. Think of ways to stay clear of this person and have a great work out tomorrow. (I will do the same in my own life!)

Hi Nancy,

Welcome! (I saw that this is your first post.)

You heard the expression “Pick your battles”? Pick your stress. I find it pretty easy to brush off strangers. The opinion of strangers is not worth getting stressed over. Do you have kids? Strangers often feel free to comment on your child's behavior or your parenting skills or what your child is wearing, etc., etc.

I basically smile and say "Thanks. I'll need some time to think about that." Then I just ignore them. If I'm feeling really magnanimous - I'll send a little prayer their way. It is often really miserable people who butt in. I say a little prayer that they may have a more full life.

Hope this helps...

Denise