Denise's post on the Full button, got me thinking.

Thinking about how I talk to my kids and the effect it will have on them later in life.

I have three kids, all very, very different. My two sons are especially opposites.

One may or may not actually eat at a meal. Sometimes he picks. Sometimes he will eat it all, but very rarely. I always worry about him and tell him to pleeeeeze eat!!! Don't you want to grow up to be a big strong man. Don't you want to have all of your vitamins and make sure your body is healthy???

My other son eats everything and sometimes finishes his brother's food. He always ends a meal with a big stretch and an "aaaaah". He always ends his meal "full" and I always rub his tummy and say "I love that tummy".....don't you just love this kid, he always eats his food. He is such a good eater!! Oh, my big boy who loves mommies food!! .......get my picture.


My boys are rarely, if ever , sick. (knocking on wood). They are growing properly and are very active and healthy kids!! Yet I have the tendancy to reward one for being "full", really over eating. And making the other feel badly because he is not filling up like his brother!!

This is my epiphany. I am sending out the wrong signals. I think they are the same signals my mother sent out. And still does. She loves my number two son to eat over, he makes her feel good. She always voices concern over number one son and begs him to eat. I think she did that to me and my brother too!!!

I am glad I read that post and I am going to make a change right now.

I am teary reading your post. My mom was big into some of what you describe. It sometimes feels automatic to go there with dd. I work like the devel to make food a small issue in our house.

I remember the pain of being singled out based initially on being a picky eater who was too skinny and then a chubby pre-adolescent who needed to have her food restricted. I could not win. I appreciate the change you are making.

quote:

Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
My grandparents, aunts, everybody always talked about how hard I was to feed... for YEARS they talked about it.

Insert "how picky I was" in place of "how hard I was to feed" in that sentence, and that describes my childhood exactly. I always felt persecuted for being picky. On the few occasions when we ate out, I would get laughed at for ordering a hamburger (I ordered a hamburger because I knew what it was--it was safe, and I didn't know what most of the other stuff on the menu was). On Thanksgiving, at the gigantic dining room table with multiple extensions, I would get made fun of for something I wouldn't eat that got passed around. It wasn't on par with being physically beaten or anything, but it wasn't fun to grow up constantly being made fun of and made to feel like the rube of the family.

This is probably my biggest gripe with my parents. They did it to me when I was a kid and they do it to my dd now.

I'm very careful of making sure that dd listens to her body and if she says she's full, that's it, she's full and is allowed to be excused. I save the rest of her meal and if she's hungry later, she can finish it then. To my parents, unless she has finished everything on her plate, she has eaten "badly".

The reality is that she is a GREAT eater - loves fruits and veggies and eats very well balanced meals. She just doesn't eat a lot at one sitting and I see NOTHING wrong with that.

Anyway, MJ, I think it's terrific that you had this light bulb moment for your kids : ) Good for you!

quote:

And I always felt that my mom loved my sister more than I because everybody always talked about how "easy" my sister was and how "difficult" I was.

Denise!! Easy and difficult!! I always describe my boys that way. You can easily forget how much of an impact words have on kids.

I always have a tendancy to describe my kids when they are around. I never refer to them as bad kids, because they are not.

But easy is definately a word I use and I am pretty sure I use difficult too, when referring to eating. Then it is flipped when #1 son is my easygoing son and my good eater becomes my difficult child. Oh, I need to mind my words!! I am putting lables on them and that is so bad!!

OMG!!! Mary Jo... this is one of the wisest posts I have ever read.

My sister was a "good" eater and as an infant and child, I was not. I think that even when I was a new born my mother felt rejected because I was so difficult to feed and was always under weight. My grandparents, aunts, everybody always talked about how hard I was to feed... for YEARS they talked about it.

And I always felt that my mom loved my sister more than me because everybody always talked about how "easy" my sister was and how "difficult" I was.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: GoingSkiing,

I am trying to get my son to slow down and focus on what he's eating and to teach him not to overeat.

I have stared to say to him. "You don't have to eat until you feel full. Eat until you don't feel hungry anymore." I also praise him for eating a variety of foods and being willing to try just about anything. So that he gets the understanding that being a good eater, means eating a variety of foods, and not a LOT of food.

I remember growing up, my Aunts would say I wasn't a good eater, because I didn't eat a lot. (I was teeny tiny as a child and didn't need a lot) Yet, I would eat almost anything you gave me (just not a lot of it.). On the other hand, some of my cousins that were "good eaters" because they ate a lot, were really terrible eaters because they were outrageously picky eaters. Funny how that works.

Dawn