NEXT week is Thanksgiving, I thought I had a whole week more to plan and plot. But, as my dh pointed out (winning a nickel from me) there is the "day". I am alone that day, dh is working at the restaurant from early to late, son #2 is going to do some bussing of tables there for some extra $$, and son #1 is working and away from home. For the first time since our oldest was 2 we are going to eat out...families can dine for 1/2 price and I am taking advantage of it. Yet, there are going to be choices to be made, like dessert, salads, etc. I am lucky to know the menu ahead of time and be able to plot and plan the rest of my day's eating before I get there.

So, how are you doing with your plotting and planning, share some details to help others through the first big food holiday.

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Food is love

I'm really working hard to change food from a feeling to thinking of it as actual fuel for my body. I managed to feeling myself to 320 or so lbs at my very worst. I try not to talk about a "relationship" with food since I used it for a number of years as a way to hide from the world.

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Originally posted by p7eggyc:

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I agree with the second part, unfortunately for many families because of marriages and divorces and what not, Thanksgiving may not be over on Thanksgiving day. I know we have a "Thanksgiving" meal to attend Thursday AND Friday. Other families have even more meals to accomodate everyone, and THAT is what can make it tricky.

Hey Dawn,
This does add to the challenges. I was just wondering if most or all of the family members are attending their 2nd meal on Friday. If so, do you think they'd be open to future years being something different from a full-tilt TG dinner? Or do you think your family could rotate so that you were only attending one full meal per year in the future and maybe only attending for dessert at the alternate meal(s)? I know all of those things can be difficult to negotiate but thought I'd throw out the suggestion.
Peg

Peg, this is what we did when we lived in Indiana and saw both families on a regular basis. Now that we live in GA, and don't see everyone as much, we can't really do this. I actually thought this wouldn't happen this year. Since MIL can't really entertain since her aneurysm in Sept. I thought she and FIL would come to my parent's house and we'd just have one meal.

Wouldn't you know that this one year BIL and SIL decided to step up to plate and do something?

Anyway, like I said in a earlier post, the actually holiday meal doesn't do that much for me, so that isn't MY probelm. Mine is the eating out while we're up there. I'm actually probably safer having two holiday meals to attend because that means 1-2 meals less of eating out.

I was just making the point that for a lot of families this might be an issue.

Dawn

quote:

I agree with the second part, unfortunately for many families because of marriages and divorces and what not, Thanksgiving may not be over on Thanksgiving day. I know we have a "Thanksgiving" meal to attend Thursday AND Friday. Other families have even more meals to accomodate everyone, and THAT is what can make it tricky.

Hey Dawn,
This does add to the challenges. I was just wondering if most or all of the family members are attending their 2nd meal on Friday. If so, do you think they'd be open to future years being something different from a full-tilt TG dinner? Or do you think your family could rotate so that you were only attending one full meal per year in the future and maybe only attending for dessert at the alternate meal(s)? I know all of those things can be difficult to negotiate but thought I'd throw out the suggestion.

I'm the one over here worrying (yes, it's stupid to worry about this now) what I'm going to do when I'm old and/or my parents are gone and what am I going to do on the holidays my DB and his family are with DSIL's family!?! I'm immediately banishing the tape from playing but it's come up in my head several times in the last few weeks. <eyerolling at myself>

Peg

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Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
Somebody posted this on a WW board... and I thought it really good.

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I'd say, spend your emotional and mental energy planning for the days AFTER Thanksgiving and enjoy your holiday meal in moderation!

I TOTALLY agree with that!!! Don't let one meal turn into fall off the wagon that lasts until Super Bowl Sunday in Feb 2007!

I agree with the second part, unfortunately for many families because of marriages and divorces and what not, Thanksgiving may not be over on Thanksgiving day. I know we have a "Thanksgiving" meal to attend Thursday AND Friday. Other families have even more meals to accomodate everyone, and THAT is what can make it tricky.

Dawn

Somebody posted this on a WW board... and I thought it really good.

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I'd say, spend your emotional and mental energy planning for the days AFTER Thanksgiving and enjoy your holiday meal in moderation!

I TOTALLY agree with that!!! Don't let one meal turn into fall off the wagon that lasts until Super Bowl Sunday in Feb 2007!

just want to say how very helpful all these postings are for me!
i have to say, people regularly comment about my smaller portions, or when i say "pass". I got those "is there something wrong with you?" comments. and of course, who can forget those odd looks (as if you grew a third eyeball or something.) Food is love, and i guess people feel rejected if i refuse or only accept a little. Any-HOO, it is nice to know I am not alone out there (me...the three eyed alien!)

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Originally posted by p7eggyc:
Honestly don't think anyone has ever noticed that I took 1/3-1/2 the size of piece

Naw... nobody notices. We are all self centered and thinking about our own pie. And if somebody notices the size of your serving... say, "Yes! This IS great pie!" Doesn't matter that it is a non-sequitar (sp?) .

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Originally posted by p7eggyc:
Part of that was just habit I think and part of it was I don't know that she believed it was permanent change. I think she finally believes me.

Yep. If EVERY week I say with conviction, “Grandma I can't eat 6 eggs, but I'd like two, thanks!“... after 92 weeks they actually almost believe you.

When *I'm* ambivalent and wishy washy and say, "Well no, I can‘t… well OK... I guess I can eat a 3rd piece of pie... I shouldn't... but just a small piece… just this once..." then I end up with more pie on my plate. Due to my lack of conviction.

I may be bugged by all the ways that I have to stay aware of not overeating... And believe me… my mil’s house is like the food lab in “Mindless Eating” and if there is a way to mindlessly eat more calories… she has instituted that eating strategy. But like Isabel said, you have to own the situation. Especially, when it isn’t your house.

Same way I can’t get dh to lose weight if he doesn’t want to. I’m not going to change the way my mil prepares her potatoes. She’s 77 years old. When I’m 77, I’m not going to want anybody messing with my potatoes either. Woe unto the future daughter in law who tries. And *she'll* have HER own traditions.

I've got my house set up the way I want it... and same goes for mil.

Oh, yeah, and that reminds me of my favorite dessert strategy. Offer (or insist) to cut the servings for everyone and then cut a smaller one for yourself if that is what you would prefer. Honestly don't think anyone has ever noticed that I took 1/3-1/2 the size of piece I served people but if I'd insisted someone else cut it, they would make a fuss. Also, if someone asks you for a smaller piece, you know better than to make a fuss.

Peg

That's a really interesting observation Dawn. I think it probably goes back at least to some degree to people perceiving it to be some sort of overwhelming sacrifice that you shouldn't "make" yourself do where if you don't like it then that isn't any sort of sacrifice. Really I think that's mostly about themselves and their own feelings about knowing it isn't necessarily healthy but they want a 'free pass' to do it and if you aren't taking the same pass, then they get bent out of shape about it. I'm pretty lucky that this doesn't happen to me too much although I think I FINALLY have my mother trained to serve me smaller portions of dessert at Sunday dinner without me asking. Part of that was just habit I think and part of it was I don't know that she believed it was permanent change. I think she finally believes me.

Maybe that's a strategy for some of you though...tell them you don't like it anymore. You got sick or some such story and now you just can't eat it anymore. A little white lie if you really don't want it.

Peg

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Originally posted by Tayhudson:
Picky eaters don't seem to make any bones about saying "I don't eat _______." Other than maybe a few people who say things like. "How can you not like _______?" It generally doesn't seem to be an issue. No one tries to force feed my husband gravy, because he doesn't eat gravy.
No one's feelings are hurt because my cousin didn't eat mushrooms and wouldn't eat anything on the same plate as mushroom.

So, why isn't health a legitimate reason not to eat something? Even more so if you have high cholesterol, diabetes, other diseases that can be food related. Wouldn't your relative rather have you around at a few more Thanksgiving dinners than have you eat her pie/cake/mashed potatoes with real cream and a pound of butter?

Just a few thoughts...
Dawn

I agree Dawn. My parents don't think twice about letting me skip gravy (which I've also not liked) but push me to eat everything else (and then get offended if no one takes seconds).

I'll have to nicely bring this up the next time it happens ; )

hey denise, thanks for sharing more of your family taditions. it is a reminder for me that we own our food habits (the new healthy ones), and honor family traditions, which definitely center around food. I am Chinese and if you recall all those movies showing the large chinese banquets...OH yeah!! chinese parents are not typically emotionally expressive so feeding us kids was their way of showing love. while i was in college, i had 2 chins; I visited my mom in arizona during spring break (I have a photo of us, me with the 2 chins) and I swear, thru-out the entire visit, she kept telling me how i was too skinny and that i needed to eat MORE MORE MORE.(what? don't you see my 2 chins?) So I totally get the whole "trough" thing. ours would be full of white rice, with beef stir fry, and starchy sweet desserts. so i guess the challenge is to honor our families loving us, thru food for instance, while we exercise other ways to love ourselves (thru healthful habits). not an easy balance to strike during the holidays but i am optimistic.(I love the description of grandma's ARMY portions! Wow!) thanks for sharing! iz

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Originally posted by Tayhudson:
Wouldn't your relative rather have you around at a few more Thanksgiving dinners than have you eat her pie/cake/mashed potatoes with real cream and a pound of butter?

Personally, I don't want to eat fat free pie, potatoes and everything else at Thanksgiving. I'm fortunate that my mil puts about 4 TBS of butter in the potatoes and not the whole pound. I'm ok eating a pat of butter in my potatoes a few times a year.

Also a lot of people will make a BIG DEAL about Thanksgiving and all of a sudden NEED low fat (or on the WW boards... low points) pie recipes and LOTS and LOTS of healthy options.

We are the same people who will post "I went in the break room... 3 times today... and ate 5 Santa cookies the first trip… 5 reindeer cookies the second trip… 5 Hanukah dreydl cookies the third time I was there".

I find it a little disingenuous that the same people will eat 1000 cals of left over Halloween candy (or a sleeve of cookies or a McBurger Meal or a pint of B&J‘s or a bag of Cheetoes… or whatever our personal down fall is) and then suddenly we are overwhelmed with the stress and a tremendous NEED to eat healthy (or sf pie or whatever) because this one day a year might do us in.

And I’m seriously not pointing any one person out… I’ve done it myself. And I used to be REALLY stressed about going to my mils and I’ve posted a lot about it here. But we've all done that kind of thing... eaten a whole bunch of calories we didn't intend on eating… and then some how redirect that stress on to our families… and vent about how they can‘t meet our needs.

And people CAN be assertive and ask for healthy food… but I also think that we might be looked at as hypocritical if we demand that Grandma not put butter in the potatoes… but then we stop at KFC on the drive to Grandma’s.

I’ve personally just found it less stressful to learn to cope and I bring fruit to mil’s and have about 47 coping strategies… rather than trying to change mil… although I seriously thought about it… but dh advised me, “Don’t go there.” And I think that he might be right.

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Originally posted by isabel:
I am touched by the story about your grandmother.

Thanks!!

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I will think "simple everyday graces" and your grandmother will come to my mind.

Or... you can think of sausage, ham and bacon all at the same meal.

She had these two big green serving bowls... and she fed the dog out of one... and my brother out of the other. We called it "Mark's Trough" (he was an adult and a healthy weight at the time...)

She was funny because she would offer us much too much food, but if my brother said, "Grandma!! I can't eat a half a carton of eggs!!!" she was, "Oh... OK!" and happily gave him two or three and didn't take it personally. And an extra egg would be put in a sandwich the next day or put in the dog's trough. (My brother still has the pair of troughs... but we use them to serve vegs, now. )

Also the rest of the week... If she made hamburgers... she made 6 of them with a pound of meat. If she made stew... it was 1 chicken or 2 lbs of beef and a gallon of vegs and it fed about 14 meals.

But really, I'd give anything to go have eggs and bacon/sausage/ham on Sundays again.

And I think in a way, that is why my dh was, "Don't try and change my mom... that is how she entertains and it is up to us to figure it out..."

I was thinking about this. I'm not a picky eater, so this isn't me. (I was mostly thinking about a few of my cousins and my SIL...)

Here we are, discussing how to eat healthy and not hurt someone's feelings, because we want to eat healthy food.

Picky eaters don't seem to make any bones about saying "I don't eat _______." Other than maybe a few people who say things like. "How can you not like _______?" It generally doesn't seem to be an issue. No one tries to force feed my husband gravy, because he doesn't eat gravy.
No one's feelings are hurt because my cousin didn't eat mushrooms and wouldn't eat anything on the same plate as mushroom.

So, why isn't health a legitimate reason not to eat something? Even more so if you have high cholesterol, diabetes, other diseases that can be food related. Wouldn't your relative rather have you around at a few more Thanksgiving dinners than have you eat her pie/cake/mashed potatoes with real cream and a pound of butter?

Just a few thoughts...
Dawn

I am touched by the story about your grandmother. it reminds me that the holidays are about those simple meaningful moments with the important people in your life, not about how much we eat, how much money we spend on this person and that person. thank you for the inspiration, GoingSkiing. I will think "simple everyday graces" and your grandmother will come to my mind. izzy

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Originally posted by cobismom:
AND if it's Thelma's only time to show her love to the rest of us, IE traveling 600 miles or more to see us, I'll remember that the holiday is for family and friends and try a sample for her.

I used to eat dinner with my Grandmother every Sunday. It was a heart attack on a plate. She would serve each person an iceberb salad with tomatoes and carrots and full fat dressing; 3-6 fried eggs; bacon, sausage and ham; 4 slices of white toast with stick margarine; hash browns; stewed canned tomatoes; a 16 oz glass of (skim) milk; and some kind of dessrt (which actually was a normal portion).

I ate this dinner EVERY Sunday from the age of 26 until I was 38. I didn't let her give me 6 eggs or 4 slices of bacon... but I usually ate 2-3 eggs and *some* of everything... like 2 slices of toast, 1 piece of ham & bacon & sausage. I was (mostly) thin the whole time, because I didn't have a car and walked every place, didn't have money to eat in restaurants or to buy lattes and egg McMuffins and I ate really healthy the rest of the week.

My grandma lived to 98 and was always a healthy weight and SHE ate really healthy the rest of the week, too. She didn't do any formal exercise but walked to the store every day and did all of her own cleaning.

She died 10 years ago and I still miss her and if I could go back and have Sunday dinner with her every week... I'd figure out a way to do it and maintain my weight (and cholesterol numbers). I was fortunate, that my grandmother was the kind of person who I could show up with Egg Beaters and if I said, "The doctor said to mostly eat this instead of real eggs" she was open to that. But, I'd figure someting out.

Last year we discussed favorite family delights, either salads, dressing, desserts etc and whether it was going to cause Aunt Thelma to have a fit if we didn't take any of her sugar, fat laden desserts. I am sure this is going to come up once during the holidays, and I'll just share my thoughts.

IF it's something that I truly love, and never get to eat, I sample. I count a sample as less than 1/4 cup and more than a tablespoon. IF it's something I can have everyday, like potatoes and gravy I pass...I try and save my calories and points for those things that only come once a year. AND if it's Thelma's only time to show her love to the rest of us, IE traveling 600 miles or more to see us, I'll remember that the holiday is for family and friends and try a sample for her. But then again, I make up for it during the week prior and after with a longer workout, and more low cal foods.

Enjoy the people you love, more than the food they bring.

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Originally posted by Brie:

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Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
I used to think that a good host has too much food. Nobody wants to look stingy or cheap… so in the past, I would just REALLY over do it and buy/make WAY, WAY too much food.

I'm printing out this entire post to show my parents.

The book "Mindless Eating" has a whole thing about food served family style and people eating more (and probably has stats to back it up).

He also has stats that when people are served more variety (ham AND turkey AND a roast beef [dinner for 6 people at mil's house] or sweet potatoes prepared 3 different ways) we eat more.

I read it out loud to dh and ds and said, "Should I send this to Grandma (my mil)? She is very worried about people's weight. Maybe this would convince her to leave the food in the kitchen and not platter it up...?"

They both said, "No. It would hurt her feelings and it is her house and she likes to entertain like that." Even when I said, "But she is really worried that Ronnie is 150 lbs overweight and Russel isn't even 50 and is on diabetes meds and bp meds and cholesterol meds...." and they still said, "Yes, she is worried. And no it isn't your job to try and change her and it will hurt her feelings."

So I'm going to let it slide. We entertain the way I want to at my house... and it is her house and she can entertain the way she wants to at her house.

Realistically, I eat at mil's a 12 days a year. Really, what I do at home the other days impacts my weight much more.

I just have to plan extra when I'm at her house. And be extra careful when I'm at home for a few days before and a few days after.