Mysterious are the ways of human happiness, as anyone who has surveyed the perplexing, often contradictory research findings can attest. But one nugget in particular truly boggles: Denmark is the happiest nation in the world. More than two-thirds of Danes report being “very satisfied with their lives,” according to the Eurobarometer Survey, a figure that has held steady for more than 30 years. True, Danes tend to be healthy, married and active — all contributing factors to happiness. But why, researchers wondered, are Danes happier than Finns and Swedes, who share many of these traits, not to mention a similar culture and climate?
The answer is, in a word, expectations. Danes have low expectations and so “year after year they are pleasantly surprised to find out that not everything is rotten in the state of Denmark,” says James W. Vaupel, a demographer who has investigated Danish bliss.
About once a year, some new study confirms Denmark’s status as a happiness superpower. Danes receive this news warily, with newspaper headlines that invariably read: “We’re the happiest lige nu.” Lige nu is a Danish phrase that means literally “just now” but strongly connotes a sense of “for the time being but probably not for long.” Danes, in other words, harbor low expectations about everything, including their own happiness. Though not an especially religious people, Danes would make good Buddhists. They live their lives as the Buddha advised: in the present tense, not grasping at some future happiness jackpot.
Danes seem to know instinctively that expectations kill happiness, leaving the rest of us unhappy un-Danes to sweat it out on the “hedonic treadmill.” That’s what researchers call the tendency to constantly ratchet up our expectations, a sort of emotional inflation that devalues today’s accomplishments and robs us of all but the most fleeting contentment. If a B-plus grade made us happy last semester, it’ll take an A-minus to register the same satisfaction this semester, and so on until eventually, inevitably, we fail to reach the next bar and slip into despair.
i also believe that this weight/fitness journey is primarily in our thoughts/attitude. getting rid of self-defeating thoughts is a big factor for me. when i started changing the way i think, it helped a lot becuase i am a real all or nothing thinker. since 2005, i would say my thoughts have changed a great deal. that has probably been the toughest part of all of this. my body knows what to do. my mouth knows what it needs to consume. my mind....well, that is a toughie at times. but better and better.
Goals: 1. Enjoy life! 2. Be aware, be awake, pay attention. 3. One word 2010: faith
Posts: 2653 | Location: North Carolina | Registered: November 11, 2006
Barbara Ehrenreich calls positive thinking a "mass delusion." She argues that an unrelenting drive to train our brains to overlook problems and blame ourselves for failures has blinded us to inequality, incompetence, and stupidity.
This is what I hate, the delusion that if you regularly wish for X, it will magically happen.
And if X doesn't happen, then it's all your fault for not having "right thinking".
I guess Wayne Dyer's (PBS) latest thing is 18 magical phrases that you are supposed to repeat to yourself and post around the house. Oh, please...This message has been edited. Last edited by: Sheltieguy,
I think to a certain extent, it is true. I also think we end up getting set up with unrealistic expectations too. In the "old days" there was no HGTV, no "What Not To Wear", no bombardment of everything we are 'supposed' to be... we get hit with unrealistic expectations everywhere, from clothes, the models who wear them, our food, ('everything has to be local, fair trade, organic'), even relationships.
Positively Downbeat Sometimes happiness isn't everything. By Julia Baird | NEWSWEEK
Published Sep 25, 2009 From the magazine issue dated Oct 5, 2009
Is this endless pursuit of happiness just making us all miserable? We've said our affirmations, drunk coffee out of cheesy mugs with nonsensical motivational quotes ("CLIMB AS HIGH AS YOU CAN DREAM!!"), and bought millions of tomes on getting rich quick while thinking positive thoughts. According to Psychology Today, last year 4,000 books were published on happiness, up from 50 in 2000. From Norman Vincent Peale in 1952 (The Power of Positive Thinking) to Rhonda Byrne in 2007 (The Secret), Oprah's America has panted, chanted, and visualized while trying to be really, really cheerful: "I am beautiful, wealthy, and successful."
Even when we're really not. Most of us have been getting poorer for some time—and that was before the recession hit. That's the funny thing about the obsession with smiley-faced happiness: the more overtly we have studied and pursued it, the less happy we have become. And the more confusing it gets.
*****
The broader point remains—while Europeans are growing happier, especially Italians, Americans are not. This is fascinating because it is in this country that a relentless focus on "positive thinking," from prosperity theology to corporate coaching, has emerged over the past few decades—and it is this country that is now more gloomy.
In her new book, Bright-Sided: How Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America, Barbara Ehrenreich calls positive thinking a "mass delusion." She argues that an unrelenting drive to train our brains to overlook problems and blame ourselves for failures has blinded us to inequality, incompetence, and stupidity.
I would attribute some of this to the differences in temperament *and* culture between Swedes and Finns. The differences are evident even within the population: Swedish-speaking Finns are "statistically" happier than their Finnish-speaking compatriots, and in some inquiry, Finland's happiest town was...yep, a town with a Swedish-speaking majority.
****************** “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.”
Actually, I don't think that this post is off topic at all. In my humble opinion, the most crucial force behind weigh loss (or any other major behavior change) resides in our minds and our way of framing the world and ourselves. I guess that's what makes it so challenging, but also so interesting.
I'm so glad you posted this article; it actually echoes something I started thinking about last night as I began to get wrapped up in guilt about eating out and not making the wisest choice. I was frustrated because, earlier in the day, the scale wasn't where I thought it should be and my pants weren't as loose as I thought they should be for someone who had sacrificed scones and cheese and all the other stuff I typically ate.
As I thought about it, it occurred to me that I had slipped into game-playing mode with myself -- feeling antsy to prove something and to have a payback for my new healthy behaviors. It was all about expectations! And, if you think about it, it's totally goal oriented -- fixed on some point in the future without really taking pleasure in the present.
So, I kind of think that learning to live beyond expectations or "shoulds" is the bigger lesson for me -- and my attempt to get healthy is just another part of that. It sure isn't easy but, like I said, it sure is interesting.
Posts: 9 | Location: Maryland | Registered: July 17, 2009
My dad used to say all the time... "Beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" which is sort of the ultimate in low expectations...
I see this in weight loss ALL the time... we all have expectations about how much we should lose or will lose or want to lose. And then are happy or sad if our expectations are met, exceeded or not met.
For 7 years, I figured any day that I'm not gaining is a good day.
Then this past June, I expected to lose a pound a week... and freaked when I didn't. Well... actually I was gaining... so much for the "Any day I'm not gaining is a good day" low expectations. I guess it was a bad day... but not as bad as a poke in the eye with sharp stick...
Every morning I also mentally prepare myself to see a ridiculously high number on the scale. I can get on the scale and go, "Oh GOOD! I'm only retaining 4 pounds of fluid and it isn't 10! Ahhhh... it's a good day!".
But I think that I'm generally pretty happy. I have a good life.
I'm happy when my kid passes math... or not... he'll go to summer school. So, he won't be an engineer. Summer school beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Pretty much EVERYTHING beats a poke in the eye...
Ds's better at math than is father... but again the expectation bar isn't set especially high! Nelson did a math word problem and it was snowing up, by the end of the problem.
My mom is Swedish and Norwegian... that isn't far from Denmark... I wonder if they sort of think the same?
Denise
Posts: 9221 | Location: Silicon Valley, CA | Registered: March 17, 2004
Pretty much EVERYTHING beats a poke in the eye...