I met with my exboyfriend to engage in the time-honored tradition of "returning properties", which is always an excuse to see each other one last time. We were chatting about the demise of the relationship, when the truth came out. He actually looked me in the eyes and said, "I just felt like you didn't try to be sexy for me anymore. You gained a lot of weight" I was crushed. He broke up with me because he was not attracted to the size 16 I had become. He actually admitted this. Normally this would have set me into a tailspin of oreos and pizza. But not this time. I headed straight for the gym. I am not going to waste even one moment feeling badly about this. This is just more motivation for my new journey.
Way to go. Just because he is not seeing the whole person doesn't mean you don't have to. You deserve to be with someone who supports the whole you- don't ever forget that. It cracks me up that people who knew you were thinner once and see you gain the extra weight that we are happy that way. My body weight doesn't define me and I struggle with 100 extra lbs that hasn't gone down very much. My BF is very supportive of the extra weight and my terminal illness. He treats me as a whole person. A lot of people don't. That alone is the reason he is such a good man.
Lena, thank you for saying what I was trying to say so eloquently. I used to have a boyfriend who told me he was embarassed to take me to a dance because I was too fat. When we went to the dance together, he was angry because his friends kept coming up to us and saying "Wow! If things don't work out with him, I can give you my number!" People will press the buttons that they know work. He may have said what he said specifically to hurt you.
Have you ever read Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner? Might be a good breakup read.
----------- Jen
Posts: 2868 | Location: Ohio | Registered: March 11, 2004
Great reaction!! That is too bad about his reasoning....shows how shallow he is IMO. Even though me and my DH are divorcing, he has never said anything negative about my weight...and I don't know what I would have done if he did. You are doing great and don't forget it
Robin
Formerly "Robinbebe"
Posts: 420 | Location: SE Michigan | Registered: August 19, 2004
You know, that reminds me of the way that a friend of mine ended up breaking up with her boyfriend. One day he came home, sat down with her to talk seriously, and said, "I have to tell you, I'm just not finding you attractive anymore. You're just too fat."
My friend was a size 8, folks. After about twenty-four hours of shocked hurt, she packed her bags, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I have to tell you, I'm just not finding you attractive anymore. You're just too much of an..." -- er, I can't use those words here, this being a terribly genteel forum and all, but the essential meaning was "very stupid and jerk-like person who resembles a donkey and should go live in the bowels of Hades."
On the other end of the spectrum, there's my DH, who fell in love with me at my heaviest weight and has the amazing ability to love me and find me sexy no matter what size I am.
The moral of this story: it doesn't matter what size the woman is-- if the man is a jerk, he will be a jerk. It's all about him, and it's a symptom of greater failings. Weight is like the canary in the mine where men are concerned; if they can't deal with that, there's really no limit to what they can't deal with. Sing the "dodged a bullet" song and be grateful you didn't hitch your star to that loser.
Good for you for not letting him get you down! Onward and upward!
Posts: 149 | Location: Chicago | Registered: January 24, 2005
I am betting that the reasons for the breakup were a lot more complex than that. I am glad you were able to keep your perspective and take care of yourself. If he really did break up with you for that reason, good riddance.
----------- Jen
Posts: 2868 | Location: Ohio | Registered: March 11, 2004
Good job caring for yourself. I have the unfortunate ability to take negative things others say and turn on myself in a big way. Your choice (rather then a reaction) was awesome. I will remember this.
Good for you for dismissing his hurtful remarks and doing something to take care of yourself by going to gym and avoiding the oreos and pizza! He's not worth it.
Summer Se7en Challenge Goals
1. Binge control: no more than 2 times per week 2. Think positive and give credit for all the little successes 3. Go swimming
Windy: I'm sorry that you had to have that hurtful experience but, like Susan, I'm so proud that you used it as positive motivation to do something good for yourself and your body.
I would also ditto Susan, though, on being careful not to turn your weight loss into a revenge motive to make your ex pay for his hurtful remarks. This needs to be about you and for you and, if you end up looking so hot that he regrets breaking up with you, well, that's just icing on the healthy living cake.
Personal Healthy Habits Challenge - 10/1 to 12/31/08: 1. Exercise: Get back to consistently working out 3-5 X week. 2. Food: Get back to consistently preparing healthy lunches for the week with increased veg servings. 3. Behavior: Reduce intake of sweets.
Posts: 7356 | Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE | Registered: March 12, 2004
Wow, Windy, that's a tough thing to have to go through. I can't tell you how proud of you I am -- you didn't dissolve and go running for the kitchen. You stood up straight and went to the gym. That is tremendous progress!
You can use that "I'll show him" feeling as motivation when you really need it. But ultimately, this all has to be about you. Don't do it to get even, do it for you. You are worth it!
