Have you ever been in a situation where you had to make an important decision and you were not at your best physically? There are days when I'm eating well, sleeping enough and getting some good activity, and I still find myself wiped out. On those days, it's usually something "OT" (off topic, health wise) that is draining my energy.
In the book Creating a Charmed Life, Victoria Moran says that “feeling overly responsible for our clients, our spouses, or even our children can deplete us unnecessarily.”

Do you fall into any of these exhausting patterns? Which one(s)?

1. talking too much: filling time and space with chatter takes lots of energy
2 having unrealistic expectations: asking too much of yourself and others because of some invisible standard
3. the integrity gap: it is a major drain to say one thing and do another
4. being a doormat: doing everthing for everyone because it feels good to be necessary

Extra credit: Make one adjustment in one of these areas and report back. Are you refreshed?

Lynne (filling in for Dawn)

Its probably common knowledge kind of thinking that pops up everywhere because it works. I found this book about six years ago, and loaned it out so much that I lost it and had to get a new copy for myself. It's a great litte resource for a person who just wants to juice up their joy factor. The 'charmed' concept is based in the myth that some people are lucky while everyone else watches them with envy. Bottom line, as Sigourney Weaver said in Working Girls, "Who makes it happen, Tess? You make it happen."

quote:

Originally posted by mountaingirl:
FYI, in the book I mentioned,the author says this about speech. When in doubt, let these guides guard your talk: "Is it true?, Is it necessary? and Is it kind? When I remember that, I talk less and say more."

Did you hear about that book on Starting Over by any chance? Cuz those are the questions they gave TJ early in the season to teach her when to speak (and when not) and what to speak (i.e., is it appropriate). I think that exercise REALLY helped her a lot because one of her biggest problems (and the thing that made all the other housemates uncomfortable) is not only that she ran her mouth constantly but that there was no self-censoring--whatever was in her brain just direct-dumped into her mouth--and, as a result, she was constantly saying really inappropriate things (sometimes in a MAJOR way, like with Alli and Jessica especially) and hurting peoples' feelings.

Yeah Laurie!

I had a good experience too- went for a long bike ride with my best friend and kept the dishing positive! As a result, we went further more easily and had a great time.

FYI, in the book I mentioned,the author says this about speech. When in doubt, let these guides guard your talk: "Is it true?, Is it necessary? and Is it kind? When I remember that, I talk less and say more."

quote:

Originally posted by Laurie:
I tend towards
2. Having unrealistic expectations, especially at work. I have really been struggling to "catch up" since taking over a department that had been neglected for several weeks before I switched. Unfortunately one of the areas is men's and we are leading up to father's day (huge shipments). I've gotten myself so stressed at work, I'm driving my coworkers insane.

So today I will step back, I am filling in as frontline instead of Men's today (someone else will put out my shipment... we have 8 hours to put out an entire truckload) I will concentrate on the front and not stress about things out of my control for the day. I'll have to check in tonight and let you know if it works.

Laurie

well it worked, for the most part. I stayed away from all of today's shipment and let someone else put it out. I stayed up front and did some side projects up there, like set the register tables. No worries, or at least fewer worries. The true test is tomorrow to see if I can not follow the person who worked my area today and redo her stuff.

Do you fall into any of these exhausting patterns? Which one(s)?

#1. Talking too much:
Out of all four this one is the worst for me. I tend to talk way too much-especially when I am nervous, excited, or unprepared. I think I have hidden my low self-esteem(which is finally improving) behind a fake personality for many years. I remember a friend, when I was battling depression, saying it was so hard for her to imagine me having low self-esteem because I was so outgoing. So, yes, I talked too much(and sometimes still do) to try and hide how I was really feeling-which might sound strange, you would think w/low self esteem I would not talk much? Now that I am more accepting of myself I have to be careful not to talk too much. I am more aware of what is coming out of my mouth and much more careful and selective with my conversations(unless of course I have had more than two glasses of wine-then I will tell my life story).

#2 and #3, not problematic

#4-used to be, but again, along with accepting and liking myself more I do not allow people to walk all over me and take advantage of me.

Jill

I can honestly say that these attributes don't fit me. I learned a long time ago that I can only do what I can do. People and myself can expect things from me, but if I can't, I can't. I think tha has to a lot with my disability. I don't use it as an excuse, rather I use it to maybe push myself to do more....but it's what I want to do, not what others expect of me.

I think this is the first time in my life that I don't feel that I fall into any of those categories..

Our business is under control..My life is in control..

#2 is the issue with me. It's the perfectionist in me. It has especially come out this week with all the issues with the house. I do expect people to get things "right" and when it doesn't happen, it causes me much angst. I was absolutely wiped out yesterday because of all the worrying and was in bed by 9 pm.

I am trying to roll with the punches more but I need to work on doing it better with the punch knocks me down on the floor.

I'm not sure that I can make an adjustment in time to report back in any timely manner ; )

1. talking too much: filling time and space with chatter takes lots of energy

It is ironic, I suppose, because I am an introvert, but I can really be a Chatty Cathy at times, esp. when I'm nervous or excited. Still, while there are certainly times that I talk too much, I wouldn't say this is a big drain for me on the whole, esp. considering I spend a great deal of time alone (wait, does talking YOURSELF count? LOL).

2 having unrealistic expectations: asking too much of yourself and others because of some invisible standard

DING DING DING! Yea. That's me. Daddy trained me well. I hold myself to ridiculous standards sometimes in nearly every facet of my life. Certainly, academically, it was exhausting because if I didn't have a 4.0 average, I wasn't "doing it right."

I also have a problem with expecting my staff to meet my standard, which isn't really fair because not only do they not have nearly the experience I have, but they are different people.

3. the integrity gap: it is a major drain to say one thing and do another

I don't see this as much of an issue for me. I tend to be honest to a fault. There are times, however, when I have the INTENTION of doing something and then don't do it...but that isn't so much lacking integrity as it is being lazy or not believing in my ability to succeed.

4. being a doormat: doing everthing for everyone because it feels good to be necessary

I was a people pleaser in the early part of my life but, after being used and abused in a variety of ways, I grew out of it (in most ways, anyhow). I am probably too far on the OTHER end of the scale now (selfish), but I prefer it to endless cycles of people pleasing and feeling that I can't ever do enough.

I am frequently guilty of #1 and #2.

I used to be in customer service and was on the phone all day, frequently in not pleasant conversations. I would come home and be in bed by 8 or 8:30 frequently. Thank Goodness I don't do that job anymore.

I'm not on the phone nearly as much anymore and actually find myself searching out someone to talk to from time to time since my office is so quiet now.

I feel overly responsible for my clients to the point that I wake up at 3am thinking about cases and can't get back to sleep. It is better at the job I'm at now, but my last job about wrecked me.

Dawn

For me, #1 talking too much, really sucks me dry. When I don't have enough time to myself, I find that I can't recharge. My last job was so people/children-heavy that I would not want to be with anyone for the rest of the day just to regain a balance. I didn't realize it, though, because I'm actually good with the public and so I always end up in work situations like that. But feast/famine isn't a great cycle either. What I need to learn is how to be healthier with my talk, so I don't get so drained.

Today, I'm going to practice not getting into negative talk (pessimistic, complaining, criticism).

I tend towards
2. Having unrealistic expectations, especially at work. I have really been struggling to "catch up" since taking over a department that had been neglected for several weeks before I switched. Unfortunately one of the areas is men's and we are leading up to father's day (huge shipments). I've gotten myself so stressed at work, I'm driving my coworkers insane.

So today I will step back, I am filling in as frontline instead of Men's today (someone else will put out my shipment... we have 8 hours to put out an entire truckload) I will concentrate on the front and not stress about things out of my control for the day. I'll have to check in tonight and let you know if it works.

Laurie