I just got an e-mail from a friend (?) we don't know each other well...but her daughter has a mass on her brain, the daughter is 17 and in my son's graduating class. They are having to pull her out of school for the year, don't know what's going on, will go to Rochester tomorrow for more testing. Along with that, Mom suffers from mini-epilepsy and has been having seizures daily due to stress. And a very close aunt is dying of luekemia. This family has had it.
My question is, we have all been here at one time or another with friends or even ourselves; other than I am praying so hard for you and your family, what does one say. So many times when my mom was dying last year, I didn't want to hear anything, I just needed to be sat with....what does one say or do?

I definitely agree that she'll need a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent her frustrations, and more. I know this fall when my dad was in the hospital with lung cancer/pneumonia, my cousin was also in ICU with a brain aneurism and my best friend was struggling with her kidneys. There were days where I just wanted to be able to cry.
You can't do it in front of your family, you have to be strong for them.
You can't do it in front of strangers because you feel weak.
Just having a friend who will sit with you, hug you and allow you to let the emotions out is what I found to be the most helpful.

Laurie

My sister has a mass on her brain also. We never new it until one day about 5 years ago she had a major seizure. She is better a few laps since. I know that it shouldn't happen to anyone and my sister had a really hard time with it she still does. But she is very spiritual and I told her that I believe that things happen for a reason. I know that sounds bad but I lost my job just 2 weeks prior to her seizere and I didn't know why or what we were going to do and then she had a seizure, I was the only one to take care of her because her husband couldn't take off work. I believe things happens are a blessing in disguise. You really can't say anything just be there for the family and try to do the little things to take some of the burden off of them.

Chances are that your friend wouldn't know what to say if the roles were reversed. Sometimes you can just say - I don't know what to say or do but I am here if you need me. Also little things like picking up groceries could be a big help.

I agree with Denise in terms of not saying much but just being a shoulder to cry on and a safe place to vent fears too.

I'm so sorry and I'm praying for all of you I think is more than enough to say. Being able to just be present for her will be enough (and will be remembered).

PS I will be sure to keep this family in my prayers too. Hopefully they will have some good news from Mayo.

My husband had a brain tumor when he was 22. He is 45 now and had very little permanent disability. He is basically normal and healthy.

He did have a couple of long years of slow recovery.

And the technology is way better now.

What to say? I’d say, don’t say much… Things are always up and down as the months go on. Sometimes things can look very bleak and sometimes it can look very optimistic. It is a bummer to be around people who VERY optimistic when you are not… and visa-versa.

There may be times when they are overwhelmed with people dropping off casserole dishes. Perhaps show up with a meal when other support is waning.

A good bathroom cleaning is always appreciated.

And I guess remember that at sometime… there WILL be a misunderstanding. One party is tip toe-ing around, trying soooo hard not to say the wrong thing and feet always go in mouths… and the other party is very sensitive and gets feelings hurt more easily than usual. It is a bad combination. Don’t let one misunderstanding ruin a friendship.

But don’t stay away for fear of saying the wrong thing.

Sending best wishes to your friend.