Anger and frustration are two emotions that when not reeled in can take over. They are also two emotions that we don't talk about much, because they can be so wicked. And NO ONE wants to be known for having tantrums at any age, unless you are 3 yrs old.

This is NOT the anger that you feel when you forget to stop at the store, or the frustration you feel when someone eats the last apple.
This is the anger than may cause you to cry, because yelling is just too much, or maybe not.
This is the frustration you fell when others take advantage of you or your ideas.

For example, we have had an agreement with our landlords, that when they sell our house, which we knew was coming, that they would give us 60 - 90 days notice. Well, they didn't, their notice came through an over zealous realtor, who I can tell from call one, is going to make the next 64 days H**L! I want to make this work for our landpeople, cause they've been so good to us, like family, almost. But I am NOT going to be pushed around by this jerk. So what do I do?
I could eat before I talk to him, ice cream, cookies, candy and potato chips. Or I could practice my relaxation and "in control" exercises. Well, in reality neither will work for me, but remembering who is the adult here will work. And that's what I plan to do.

So the HOMEWORK is....Anger and Frustration are emotions that can be good or bad, they can lead you to eat, or be in control. They are indeed signs of being stressed. SO, how do you handle them...and how do you feel after the emotion has passed?

Have a great weekend, happy Father's Day to all the Dad's.

Cathy

Cathy
I think that this was a good "make you really think" kind of assignment and I appreciate it.

I'm not comfortable with my anger so being made to think more about it is a positive for me.

BTW, I'm sorry that you are having a rough time with this realtor. Is there any way that you can talk to the landpeople, express your feelings and set some boundaries?

Cathy--I don't feel like I was owed an apology. It's good for me to look at things like that now and again. Last night, when I was "upset," instead of crying, I grabbed my journal to identify exactly what it was I was feeling. I probably wouldn't have done that if the homework hadn't been in my head. So thank you!

I hated this homework, and I apologize for putting my pain and hurt into a homework assignment for you to grow by.

We are having to move from our house, because the landlords are selling it. They are older as I said, and illness causes them to need the money of their assets and to release some of their stress.
Yet, it and their Realtor have caused me great stress. Maybe I was looking for how to do this in a gentle way for myself. Maybe I was looking for a way to be at peace with this whole thing, and not be so very angry. Yet, my anger and stress continue. I am not angry about moving, we have been thinking about doing that for sometime, it is the actual packing and moving and finding a house to be a home at almost 55 that irritates me. It is the R's attitude and beligerants that makes me want to ring his neck and cause he pain. He is a "born again" Christian, who wouldn't know Jesus if he walked up to him with a cross on his shoulder. The man has caused me not to trust people again, something that I've worked long and hard to be able to do. Obviously I didn't get the test right.

But, I apologize for making this an assignment, I hope you had a wonderful weekend. God bless.

Cathy

I was brought up in a family where showing ANY sort of anger or frustration was a definite no-no. Even if you're upset, you're supposed to smile and be nice. Don't rock the boat or even make others aware of your presence ON the boat unless they specifically request you.

So...I might have some trouble with both anger and frustration. Both of them stay very bottled up inside, and eating is a physical way to "push them down." I am terrified that if I show anger or frustration, people around me will think less of me.

Anger typically results in an eating binge or a crying session. And it's much more socially acceptable to order dessert than to burst into tears at dinner. Frustration builds...I know now that I don't have a "delicate" stomach--my frustration makes it upset.

I don't have good answers for how to deal with those feelings, because actually acknowledging that I DO feel them has been a big issue for me. I'm not supposed to GET angry--I should (I've been told) be happy for anything I have and feel lucky to have them. Being okay with wanting more and pushing for more is hard, hard, hard, hard for me.

I still binge. Now it's a half box of Wheat Thins instead of a bag of Doritos or 8 full-size Butterfingers. But it's still a binge, and not a helpful way to deal with my emotions. Something that has been helpful is putting a name other than "happy/mad/angry/frustrated/sad" on how I feel, with a list like this one. Saying, "I feel overwhelmed and frightened" helps me MUCH more, because then I can look at what's overwhelming and what's frightening and address those things directly.

A big breakthrough came when my mom was staying here while I was recovering. I was crying, and she told me to be glad that they caught it, be happy that I would be healthy--and I told her that while I understood what she was trying to say, I was ANGRY and SAD and needed to feel that way.

I watch the boyfriend deal with things...when he gets angry, he DOES things, like build a bookshelf or rip down a wall. When he's frustrated, he says, "I'm SO frustrated! I want this fixed!" (followed by a "gaaarh" noise). Then he goes about fixing it. Food never enters into the equation for him. But neither does denying he actually feels angry or frustrated.

quote:

So the HOMEWORK is....Anger and Frustration are emotions that can be good or bad, they can lead you to eat, or be in control. They are indeed signs of being stressed. SO, how do you handle them...and how do you feel after the emotion has passed?

I grew up in a household where anger and frustration were almost a daily fact of life. My father had a quick-burn temper and could be very nasty and even violent (though not to me). My mother hand a slower-burn temper and did not show it much to us kids but I heard her and my father screaming at each other after the kids had gone to bed.

I have a hybrid of my father and mother's temperments. I can be quick-burn with things on a smaller scale, like minor frustrations at work or at home (it is really ridiculous how quickly I will blow off over something SO small and stupid, but thankfully I almost never blow off AT someone). For me to get REALLY angry takes a long while, and once I get to that point, you definitely don't want to be around because you likely wouldn't recognize me.

I have gotten angry and lost my temper at work a handful of times in the 36 years of my career...in the most stressful of those years, 1998 to this year, a few of my tantrums have been directed AT people...and I always feel HORRIBLE afterward and nearly always apologize to the person (even if they were truly in the wrong, they didn't deserve my wrath). Being a control freak, I hate getting to that stage of my anger because I lose control of myself.

Like Brie, I am a person who tends to cry when I get extremely frustrated or angry. I can't say that I have had the desire to eat during these times...I think that my body is in such turmoil at the time that eating really isn't primary in my mind. I do stress eat (usually reaching for something chocolate), but not necessarily when frustrated or angry.

I'm definitely not very comfortable feeling angry and I'm one that anger turns into uncontrollable sobs. I'm must more comfortable feeling sad than mad.

When I do start to feel that way, I go right to my journal or call a trusted friend (or dh).

Frustration I'm a bit more comfortable with and I'll rage some, listen to loud music and then try to workout. That emotion can translate to a great weight training session.

Anger and frustration usually don't turn me to food, it's usually other kinds of stress (illnesses, discussions with dh about family/work balance, family drama) that send me noshing.