This is likely to lengthy because I don't want anyone to get the wrong ideas here. I know that we have three months until Christmas, but I am planning ahead, and would like your ideas --- not advice, ideas. There is only my brother and his family in our larger family. We have four people, they have 9 and then my father. They live 350 miles away from us, and we don't visit back and forth, gas is much, time is short, and he is a teacher, my husband manages a restaurant, I fall asleep at the wheel. My father is in a nursing home in their town. Christmas gifts the last three years have all been pretty cheap....which yes I know it's not about the price or the gifts. But it is obvious to me that we are all struggling here. So I've been thinking about what to do this year....last year we broke the bank with our own children, helping one with setting up an apartment, and the other with school necessities. We sent presents, to my bro's family, but they were as I said cheap. So, I came up with three ideas this weekend, and wonder if there are more? 1. I write them and tell them our financial situation and remind them that it's not the gifts, it's the thought. We would send my father some clothes because that's what he needs, and some goodies that's what he wants. But we'd skip presents for each other. 2. We'd pair up their family in twos, send over a batch of new recipes for a dinner, and the ingredients and they could have a family dinner, with my father. IF weather permitted, and weather in SD/MN is very day to day, sometimes minute to minute in December, we would surprise them by going over, and having my oldest son meet us there. 3. We'd send them $$ to do the dinner thing, which saves us a bunch of postage, and follow the same surprise thing? With both dinner ideas, we would still get my father his gifts. Any other ideas? No criticisms please, only ideas....I should probably say, that my relationship with my brother and his wife is strained for whatever reasons, but we still speak just not as long or as warmly, but no fights. thanks for the help....if only it were easy.
Cathy
Summer Challenge Goals:
1. Get out of the house and in the pool four days a week. 2. Schedule meals a week at a time. 3. five fruits and vegetables a day, along with water.
Posts: 3430 | Location: Central USA | Registered: March 11, 2004
We shall see what happens this year!! I hate to admit this but I also do all of the gift shopping, even for our kids. Mostly because he works and travels so much. Oh well, Ho Ho HO!!!
Posts: 1366 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
Sometimes I think, for men especially, that they don't realize exactly how much we women do to prepare.
Bing, bing, bing - we have a winner! My dh is always the one pushing to have everyone over and then does jack. Doesn't help with cleaning, prep, cooking, clean up, nothing. Of course it's a nice relaxing holiday for him because he doesn't have to do anything! He used to not even holiday shop for his side of the family but I put my foot down about that and now he has to help.
My parents used to have between 20 - 30 at Christmas time but both of them shopped and cooked together. Mom was stuck with the clean up but usually all the adult women would help her with that.
Kudos to you Mary Jo - there is no way that I would cook alone for 50 people. I would probably tell dh to tell his family to chip in for a caterer and rented hall somewhere.
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
Mary Jo, We have cut back significantly over the years-both with gifts and with travel time and time spent with family. It was hard the first year or so, but the relief and peace and enjoyment I got from cutting back was totally worth it. I stressed hard over cutting back, but found out after the fact that many other relatives were also relieved to have cut back and to not have to travel, cook, buy gifts(or not buy gifts). It really is SO nice to go to church on Christmas Eve and come home and relax. We used to go to church, then to 2 or even 3 parties and get home at 12 or later and be up early. We still gather for holidays at close family members homes(within a 20 min drive) but I've found that Christmas especially is SO much more enjoyable when I haven't spent my life savings and all my time preparing.
Last year, because I was not shopping, cooking, etc. the whole holiday season, I went one evening and saw The Nativity Story at the movies, all by myself-what a great night!
I'm not trying to pry into your life-but, does your dh help w/the shopping, cooking, and all the prep work? Sometimes I think, for men especially, that they don't realize exactly how much we women do to prepare. My dad used to give us money to go shop for our mom for Christmas. My mom cooked all holiday meals while my dad watched football. He had NO idea how much stress she was under.
I hope that you can find some peace and relaxation in this holiday season. 50 people is a lot to prepare for-a small banquet rather than a dinner. My goodness-when I worked for a hotel it took 2 chefs, numerous kitchen staff, 4 or 5 waitresses, a hostess, and a bartender to care for 50 people and you are doing it on your own?!!
On a separate note-I find it very irritating that while shopping for Halloween decorations in the next aisle are Christmas decorations!!! I don't even want to think about Christmas until at least November.
Jill
Summer Challenge Goals: 1) Walk 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week 2) Plan weekly menus
Originally posted by MaryJo: I have found, over the years, that I enjoy Christmas less because of the sheer stress that now is involved. It is no more fun because of the gift buying, not wanting to disappoint, where we go and who has to drive on Christmas Eve. I would love just one year to have my kids go to bed early, wait for Santa. Not have 50 or 60 people to cook for or clean up after. Not have to drive all the way to my in laws on Christmas eve and be on the interstate for two hours coming home.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels that way! My dh thinks I'm a big scrooge but I love being home just the three of us on Christmas morning at our house.
I've managed just a couple of Christmas' that way but I think we've got a quiet one coming up this year : )
I was just talking about this with a co-worker this morning. I was saying the first year we were in Georgia alone, I thought it was going to be depressing to be without extended family. It turns out that it was SO NICE to just have the three of us. No stress, we could stay in our pajamas all day if we wanted to, eat dinner when we wanted. Dinner was something nice, but not huge and out of control.
Now we're back with family...we'll see how it goes this year.
Dawn
"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have to set yourself on fire." anonymous
Posts: 4210 | Location: Indianapolis, IN | Registered: March 15, 2004
You know that I have found myself getting uptight about the holidays right about the beginning of October. It all starts with Thanksgiving. My husband insists that every holiday has to be a big family event and it seems like every year we spend more money and have more stress.
I have been doing Thanksgiving for several years. That means, moving all of the furniture out of the family rooms and setting up big portable tables so that we can seat 50 people.We rent silverware, dishes and stuff like that. I cook for two days because everyone has to drive for 2-3 hours to come. I am busy the entire time, so I never get to just sit and enjoy the day because before you know it, with ten or twelve kids running in all the bedrooms, my house is trashed and I am doing dishes and chipping the grease off my stove for another two days.
Christmas is just as tense because now we drive down there for three hours, spend the day helping to cook and set up for the same bunch of people, help clean up and hit the road to be home in time for Santa. That means driving at 10 pm, putting kids to bed and hoping they stay asleep and dragging all of the gifts out from hiding to put under the tree. I will tell you about scrooge. It makes me nuts!! It is all stress!
Of course then it is gift giving for all of those 50 plus people. Even though they say don't buy a gift for the grown ups, my husband will isnsist and sure enough they buy us gifts too, so that never goes away. I just want to be home with my kids, cook a turkey, watch some football and relax.
Do I sound bitter?? I just feel like the holidays have become more about making everyone happy, worrying that they may not be entirely happy and not having the time to really enjoy the day for what it is!!
I feel bad for Cathy! I know how all of that can be and I don't think it should be that way.
I just tell myself that from now until New Years Day is really only a matter of two months and they will surely pass quickly!! Then it is time to resolve to be good to myself in the new year!!
Posts: 1366 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
Originally posted by MaryJo: I have found, over the years, that I enjoy Christmas less because of the sheer stress that now is involved. It is no more fun because of the gift buying, not wanting to disappoint, where we go and who has to drive on Christmas Eve. I would love just one year to have my kids go to bed early, wait for Santa. Not have 50 or 60 people to cook for or clean up after. Not have to drive all the way to my in laws on Christmas eve and be on the interstate for two hours coming home.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels that way! My dh thinks I'm a big scrooge but I love being home just the three of us on Christmas morning at our house.
I've managed just a couple of Christmas' that way but I think we've got a quiet one coming up this year : )
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
We do the pick names out of the hat thing. It has helped greatly because our families combined are huge and it was costing too much money to mention, every year.
I would avoid the surprise showing up for dinner, because from my own experience, I hate it when we have more people than we planned for.
I would visit your dad during the holiday week. Send a lovely holiday basket to your brother and his family and just say that you would like to just spend this Christmas at home.
I have found, over the years, that I enjoy Christmas less because of the sheer stress that now is involved. It is no more fun because of the gift buying, not wanting to disappoint, where we go and who has to drive on Christmas Eve. I would love just one year to have my kids go to bed early, wait for Santa. Not have 50 or 60 people to cook for or clean up after. Not have to drive all the way to my in laws on Christmas eve and be on the interstate for two hours coming home.
Depending on your budget you can send a beautiful basket and maybe a gift card to a store that they like. You can visit your dad and bring him whatever he needs. Just don't let Christmas become a source of stress that takes away from the purpose of the holiday! Tell them you want to go to the midnight service at Church for a change and you will see them the day after Christmas.
Posts: 1366 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
The boyfriend's family does the drawing for family members, too. Everyone over 16 is in the pool; for the kids under 16, only their parents/grandparents give them gifts. (His family is HUMONGOUS, mine is, total, 16 people, including cousins).
We also tried last year to meet halfway for a holiday-time meal. Not Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but a time beforehand, so that we could enjoy the company and the meal and not stress about traveling on the big days.
In *my* immediate family, the grown-ups don't give or receive gifts at big gatherings. My mom & dad might get each other stuff, but when we visit them (since we're grown-ups), there's no gift exchange. Wine, food, and family, but no gifts. (Mom & Dad still get us presents, but not always, and if they do, it's something pretty thoughtful.)
I think sending a gift certificate to take your father out to dinner as a "Happy Holidays TO All of You, FROM All of Us" is a fine gift, for them and your father.
Good luck! If only family were easy...
Challenge Goals: *10 minutes of unplanned exercise five times a week *Gym time twice a week *Socialize at least once every two weeks.
Cathy, We have done the same as Dawn's family. Either no gifts-which was a relief to everyone, or exchange names so there was only one person to buy for.
Jill
Summer Challenge Goals: 1) Walk 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week 2) Plan weekly menus
Some ideas that have worked in our family (and extended family): - only giving gifts to the kids - picking names out of a hat and only buying for that one person (and setting an agreed upon limit before hand) - doing a donation to charity in someone's name (and picking an organization that is particularly meaningful to that person) - exchanging home made DVDs of family photos set to music
I'm looking forward to hearing other ideas because as the family grows it gets harder and harder to stretch the gift giving budget.
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
All of those sound like fine ideas. When we have been struggling, we have made arrangements not to exchange gifts with relatives and it seems like they have also been releved and not put off.
Other things we have done have been for each family member to draw one name, that way you can get one fairly nice gift for one person, rather than inexpensive gifts for several people. That way you can still exchange gifts, but it eases the financial and time burden.
I don't have any other thoughts for the dinner, but if I think of something, I'll let you know.
Dawn
"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have to set yourself on fire." anonymous
Posts: 4210 | Location: Indianapolis, IN | Registered: March 15, 2004
We shall see what happens this year!! I hate to admit this but I also do all of the gift shopping, even for our kids. Mostly because he works and travels so much. Oh well, Ho Ho HO!!!
