Very stressful day at work. Was about to reply to this post by saying "luckily I didn't stress eat" - and then I remembered. What was that piece of chocolate after lunch? that cookie after dinner? that glass of wine "because I deserve it"?

Ouch. Just. Ouch.

quote:

Originally posted by jillybean:
I wonder how many people really don't put 2 and 2 together and figure it out, or how many are just making excuses?

I don’t know… It is an interesting question.

I think that sometimes figuring out why we eat is “complicated” because some part of it is physical and driven by biology. Some part of it is conscious and we are aware. And some part of it is subconscious and we have beliefs or motives that we may not even be aware of. Some of us have habits that go back decades and decades and decades and may have no idea where they come form. Some of us have beliefs that were instilled in us decades earlier and they have been a part of for sooooo long that it is practically a fundamental part of who we “are”.

But, I think that you nailed MANY of the excuses that people use to stress eat.

1. We “deserve” it after such a hard day (or hard hour).
2. It will make us feel better.
3. We “can’t” eat when we are stressed out, so of course, we MUST eat when the stress is resolved.
4. Stressful situations are often time consuming, and we don’t have time to cook or eat healthy.
5. THIS stressful situation is unique and it isn’t ever day that we ______ (get a flat time, have a fight with our boyfriend, had to cover for a coworker, take a friend to the hospital, have chemistry finals, get laid off from my job, my dog dies, my kid got an F, etc, etc, etc.) Stress is a convenient “just this one time” excuse. But, of course, most of us experience stress every week… if not, every day…
6. Stress is beyond our control, therefore we can rationalize that our eating is beyond our control.
7. Stress is an “good” excuse that generates sympathy and “buy in” from others.

I think that MANY, MANY “dieters” use stress as an excuse to eat foods that they normally don’t allow themselves to eat. For example, a person may decide that donuts are “bad” and not “on plan” or “not worth the calories” or “unhealthy” … but then they have a bad day at work… and “find” themselves eating donuts in the break room… or their boss is such a jerk, she “made” me eat a donut. They come up with excuses to eat donuts, because they just can’t bring themselves to go buy a donut.

And it isn’t black and white… I was at the hospital with my sister and she was having surgery… and my two options were the hospital cafeteria (that was actually a fast food franchise… I was shocked… Burger King (or some fast food place) was in the hospital) or the vending machines. And basically my choices were something on the Burger King breakfast menu. I think that it would be a little obsessive to beat myself up for this one meal at the hospital. On the other hand, if my sister was in the hospital for weeks or months, and even if that is a very stressful situation… I should probably figure something out besides the Burger King #4 breakfast every day.

Also stress, generates sympathy from other people… Sometimes a LOT of sympathy. And if a person uses “stress” as the reason to eat, people are less likely to say, “That is so bad about your friend. I feel bad for you. Now knock it off with the eating excuses, already!!!!.”

Seriously, if I tell you that I’m standing in front of the cookie display because I’m waiting for my friend, who I have known for 16 years, since my son was 3 weeks old… and we have been thru a lot together… and she has two stage 4 brain tumors, which are malignant and I’ve just dropped her off at an oncologist appt and I'm so sad about this whole situation… Doesn’t that sound way better then, “Damn! I REALLY, REALLY like cookies… No… I LOVE cookies, and really want one!”??????

And we all know people who MANUFACTURE stress when there really isn’t any. For example, my friend hears on the radio that there has been a terrible crash on the 880 freeway. And her husband, USUALLY takes 680... But OMG… what IF he took 880 today????… and she has called him at work and he isn’t answering the phone… and OMG! She is SURE that he is probably dead or at least maimed on the freeway… and she is just SICK with worry she can’t even eat a slice of toast and her stomach is in knots and this is just awful!!!! And maybe she should go take her kids out of school for the rest of the day… because the stress is just unbearable and they should be with her when she gets the bad news of his accident. And then two hours later, her husband calls and says, “What’s the %#*&-ing deal???? Why did you leave 6 calls on my phone? I was in a meeting all morning…”

And she is sooooo relieved that everything is ok… she just HAS to eat something (like a donut… or two).

I have friends like this (and I’m exaggerating a little… but not much). How can you tell them that they are using the “emergency” as an excuse to eat… but really, there never was any emergency to begin with? Her husband was FINE all morning… was never near the accident on the freeway. But my friend really and truly believes that there was an emergency. She experienced those two hours like it truly was an emergency.

I don’t know… to go back to your original question… “I wonder how many people really don't put 2 and 2 together and figure it out, or how many are just making excuses?”

I think that denial is denial… and for some people it really is not an “excuse” and some people legitimately believe that they “need” to eat… and are being realistic. *I* might not think that it is realistic… but I’ll never change them to my way of thinking.

But I think that at least for me… once I’m aware… I’m aware that it is an EXCUSE. I can either be in denial or aware. Can’t do both. I can DECIDE to cope with stress in a healthy way… or I can DECIDE to stress eat. It is my DECISION. And of course, I can be aware and still say, “Screw it… I’m eating the cookie. I’m aware… and I’m eating it anyway”.

Also, I can eat a cookie if I want one… I don’t need the EXCUSE that my friend has a brain tumor. Me eating cookies is going to make her better… and it isn’t going to do anything for me, except me feel worse. So it is just stupid to eat the cookie. If I’m saying to myself, “This is just stupid. I shouldn’t be doing this”… that is sort of a big giant red flag.

OK… If I was going out WITH my friend… and she said, “Let’s be bad today and share one of these 2 pound Tiramisu Cocoa Nut bars that are 1,500 calories each!!!” OK… I’d probably be right there… and we’d have an awesome time… and we don’t exactly do it every week… I’d be there in a heartbeat.

And occasionally, we all go, “This is stupid… I shouldn’t be doing this…” and then do it anyway… And then the thoughts progress on to “I’m never going to lose this stupid weight anyway..”… off on to other tangents that go beyond “stress eating”.

But I’ve been typing too long already… and need to get some stuff done… before I’m thinking, “This is stupid… I better turn off this stupid computer” . But thanks for making me think today.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: GoingSkiing,

Good for you Jill!

I agree that the more success you have not stress eating, the more automatic it becomes.

I almost wept tears of joy last summer when I went through a really stressful experience and it never crossed my mind to go off my food plan. It felt like a miracle.

Just keep flexing that part of you that resists and it becomes stronger and stronger ; )

quote:

Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
Wooo hooo is right! Your post made me really happy and proud of you, too.



I think you done really good today, Jill!

Thanks Denise!! I also felt way better after walking tonight. And believe me, as good as I felt after that walk, a cookie or piece of cake or chips or whatever will never make me feel that good and I hope that instead of reaching for food when I'm stressed I reach for my sneakers and head out for a walk.

As far as the "5 Surprising Reasons" article I can see where stress eating may be high on the list. Because when I eat/ate after the stress went away I never considered it stress eating and I was so "up" from the problem going away and from what I thought was enjoyment of whatever food that I thought I was ok. BUT, what I was doing WAS stress eating. I used to pride myself on not eating when I was stressed. I would say things like "Oh, I don't eat a thing when I'm upset" or (and this sounds so sick and crazy now) "boy I could use some stress so I stop eating!!" but what I didn't see was that what I was doing was POST-stress eating, which is just as bad, maybe worse because it didn't really register as unhealthy because hey, I deserved a reward for being so upset (or so I used to tell myself). I wonder how many people really don't put 2 and 2 together and figure it out, or how many are just making excuses?

Jill

Wooo hooo is right! Your post made me really happy and proud of you, too.

quote:

Originally posted by jillybean:
I feel really proud of myself for keeping myself out of food trouble today. I could have really gone overboard.... But I didn't and I'm happy... So woohoo!

I came home today and WebMD sent me an article: http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/5-surprising-reasons-you-are-gaining-weight

Susan Bowerman, MS, RD, assistant director of the UCLA Center for Human Nutrition, says stress eaters tend to prefer high-carbohydrate foods because these foods trigger an increase in the brain chemical serotonin, which has a calming effect. "It is almost like self-medicating," she says. "Many people binge on starchy foods to make themselves feel better."

I can NOT believe that WebMD actually call the article “5 surprising reasons you are gaining weight”… and stress and stress eating (and even bingeing) is number 2???? That’s a “surprise”??? I’ve done my fair share of stress bingeing… and I’m sort of surprised that I didn’t gain MORE weight…

OK... so I believe this research and I think that we can sort of become like Pavlov’s dogs… and just have this automatic reaction to stress and want to eat.

BUT, I’ve also had that same reaction that you did today… and that feeling of triumph and victory of “Woooo Hoooo for me!!!! I thought about stress eating about 1,582,487 times today… AND I DIDN’T!!!!” And usually, my experience is that by then the stressful event is usually resolved (or mostly resolved… AND I didn’t stress eat… so I’m doubly happy. I think that after awhile, (unless somebody is some masochistic sick puppy), we go, “OK… do I want to eat carbs now… and experience 3 minutes of serotonin induce stupor?… OR do I want to be REALLY, REALLY happy at the end of the day that I handled my day well???” I think that it takes LOTS and LOTS of practice… but most people would rather choose ending the day happy.

But, then just like you said… after a while… you get a flat tire and then say, “WOW! I didn’t even THINK about stress eating… that is amazing!!! I’ve changed so much!!”

But our brains need lots of positive reinforcement that being happy is better than being unhappy… because many of us sort of ended up on a weight-loss board because we aren’t always the swiftest when it comes to self care. Takes lots of conscious effort.

But I know that for me, I LOVE being able to say… “Yay! I made a plan and stuck to it!”. It is better than any stress eating.

I think you done really good today, Jill!

I wanted to thank you all for your support. As I said, the problem was temporary and for the most part is resolved. I handled myself very well today. Dinner was made as planned. I basically modified KD's Tomato Basil Soup using ingredients I had in the house, baked some boneless, skinless chicken and tossed it with romaine lettuce and caesar dressing (I did cheat and used bottled dressing which is not the healthiest but still better than eating a value meal from a drive through). For a brief period after I knew the problem had come to an end, I started wanting junk food, especially something sweet. But, I talked myself down from the "sugar ledge" and did not jump head first into a pint of ice cream or a big piece of cake! Neither of which are in my house so that helped. I also went for a 45 minute walk tonight.

As for the Tastykakes, I don't buy that stuff but someone gave them to Jason and honestly I used to LOVE TandyKakes and could eat pack after pack and thought they were SO good and after eating one pack last night I thought-well those really sucked. I would rather have toasted a small piece of raisin bread and put some peanut butter on it and would have been WAY more satisfied.

Denise, you are so right about the stress thing. I used to use even the tiniest bit of stress as a reason to eat and eat poorly. Now it takes something more significant to trigger that stress eating response. My car not starting or breaking a dish or whatever will not trigger it for me these days. And as I said before, I usually eat once the stress factor is gone-like celebration eating. I feel really proud of myself for keeping myself out of food trouble today. I could have really gone overboard. I could have spent a lot of my day in the kitchen grazing, or going to the drive-thru at McDonald's or Burger King or both! But I didn't and I'm happy. I could have made something healthier for lunch vs. the leftover Chinese but there was only a small amount left and I know Chinese leftovers do not last more than about 24 hrs before they start to get funky so I decided to eat it. Maybe I could have thrown it away but oh well. And I stopped at that. DD had sweet and sour chicken and white rice that looked really good and I could've torn through that, but again, I didn't. So woohoo!

Jill

I haven't done too badly today. For breakfast I had coffee with a little 1% milk in it. I ate two waffles, a banana, and 1 TBSP. Peanut butter on th waffles. For lunch I did eat leftover chinese. I had mooshu shrimp (I threw away the pancake things that come with it last night) so I ate the shrimp and the veggies. For a snack I had a few almonds and 1/2 grapes. For dinner I am making tomato/basil soup and chicken caeser salads (all home-made) and I plan to walk for an hour while dd is at dance. I plan to not eat anything after dinner, no snacks.

Jill

quote:

Originally posted by jillybean: I know you all can relate, so what better place to post. Thanks for listening.

Sending you hugs Jill... yep most of us really can relate! I was struck by so many things in your post... and can't really go sentence by sentence... but a couple of things...

quote:

This stress is temporary, I know that.

Yes and no. There is ALWAYS something… Always. It is always temporary (in general). I know people that stress eat weekly or even daily… because there is always SOMETHING. Situations with family members. Situations with work. Situations with friends. Situations with strangers. Situations with inanimate objects like garage doors or washing machines. The stress eating possibilities are pretty much endless.

I really, really encourage you to learn to deal with stress in a healthy way… because while THIS stress may be temporary… there is always more coming down the road.

And I have also used the “This is a temporary stressful situation” to stress eat. Sort of like, “I’ll pig out the next day or two or three and then when things are ‘better’, I’ll get back on track”. Or the tactic that you mentioned of eating post stress eating… and the “What a relief that this stress is over and now I can finally eat!’ and celebrating the end of the stress.

I don’t know, there is ALWAYS an excuse to get off track…

If this is sort of stress that is, in your words, “not anything terrible but enough to make me feel sad and spend a lot of time worrying”, I’d really encourage you to use this opportunity to practice coping with stress in a healthy way and not eating.

It literally takes practice… and every stressful situation, big and small, is an opportunity to handle it in a healthy way. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. I’ve been there, and I’ve literally white knuckled it thru some stress and wanted to eat very badly… but the more you handle stress in a healthy, not to mention EFFECTIVE way… the easier it gets.

Stress eating is actually a really crappy coping mechanism… because you feel better for so little time and then feel much worse afterwards… PLUS you still have the original stress to deal with.

I spent 5 hours dealing with a friend with a stage 4 cancer brain tumor on Monday… and getting her to a an oncologist appt. and such on Monday. I spent some of that time contemplating eating cookies… and I was at Stanford… in the Stanford Shopping Center, waiting for her to be done… and I had a LOT of really excellent quality cookies to choose from… and I had a pretty “good” excuses for stress eating (I think…), I was missing my afternoon snack, I was away from home, I was waiting for a friend with two brain tumors… and I got a small cup of coffee instead.

But I have never cured anyone’s cancer with stress eating. I’ve never solved ANY problem at all with stress eating. And, in the past, I’ve made my own health SIGNIFICANTLY worse with stress eating. And ultimately, I’ve ADDED to my own stress significantly by stress eating. In the long run, it just isn’t worth it. And the short run of “good times” is VERY short, when it comes to stress eating.

Also, in the Beck book… she says that MAKING THE DECISION is what brings the stress relief. And that making the decision NOT to eat brings that same sense of relief as making the decision to eat. I know that I probably could have gone either way… I could have decided to buy a cookie (and these were some HUGE cookies… one cookie was like a half a sleeve of Oreos) and felt some relief. But the second I definitively decided that, “No. This is dumb. I’m not buying a cookie” and also felt a huge sense of relief. The relief comes from making a decision… either way.

And I’m just “lucky” that I now have several years of PRACTICING dealing with stress (big and small) and not eating… be it a fight with dh; ds flunking math (again); a dead car battery; a car that runs a red like and totals my car; a friend with cancer…

quote:

I am fighting it with all I have because if I go downstairs and eat junk or overeat anything, I am going to feel even worse.

If you do have “junk” in the house… I’d really encourage you to throw it in the dumpster and put a bag or two of dog poo on top of it.

Granted… I’ve read posts by people who will say that they will stress eat anything… carrot sticks or whatever… but carrot sticks will do a lot less damage than take out and Tasty Cakes. I really, really encourage you to throw the stress eating offenders away… soon. And not buy any more.

And hang in there!

Hugs to you Jill. I'm sorry that you are going through a stressful period right now.

My only $.02 is that for me, I try to remind myself that overeating and not exercising will just make me feel worse about myself and that in turn, compounds my stress.

Sending you hugs, Jill.

Yes, I can relate. I am retiring in 2 1/2 weeks. One would think that would be a cause for joy--and it is--but it is also a major source of anxiety. What will life be like? Will I be able to adapt after 37 years of working 8-10 hours a day? Will I go into a depression like my mother did when she retired and turn into a bitter person who complains that she's bored but won't do anything about it? Will I be able to keep myself off the computer and actually be productive?

I hit my highest weight since my weight loss in 2003-2004 this week. That was not a happy revelation. I haven't gained all the weight back, but I am edging ever closer to doing so. I have to get a grip and get it soon.

Jill--must of been something in the air because yesterday i was stress/emotionally eating too. I have learned through all the wonderful people on here (including YOU) just pick yourself up the next day.

I am glad I was not alone yesterday.

jilly, you are the queen. you deserve the best. your body is a sacred temple that deserves to be pampered and cared for like the Taj Mahal. We would never leave a bunch of junk all over the Taj Mahal, so don't punish yourself by putting low quality nutrition into your body.

Your body has served you so well over the years, carrying and delivering you a beautiful daughter, and seeing you through life's trials and triumphs. so be kind to yourself today. treat your body super well. I am listening if you want to keep posting.