A consistent sense of control

I was re-reading Beck and ran into this phrase. She says that by following her plan day to day people gain a consistent sense of control of their eating.

Cool.

I've been there and liked that. I like to simply eat what I plan to eat. No morphing or shifting so that I can eat a few crackers that are calling my name or have a slice of pizza in the teachers' lounge.

I lost it over the holidays and I am getting it back.

I wonder if others are looking for a sense of control around eating?

quote:

Originally posted by Brie:

quote:

It was sort of hard at first... but now it is just a habit. I don't think that I've eaten in the teachers' lounge in 4 or 5 years.

Today I went to the teacher's lounge after the lunch rush. I couple teachers offered me food from a pot luck. There was so much food- chips, cake, cookies, cheese, bread, casseroles and way more.

I said that I was resisting - no thanks. I heated up my lunch and grabbed a diet coke (I appreciated that part of the pot luck!)

While I was eating the teachers started to have a conversation about resisting. It started with one of them saying that life was too short to resist good food. Others agreed and talked about weight gain being pretty normal in the winter and after menopause.

For me, not resisting would have been so much more stressful. I would have eaten chips and felt super bloated. Then I would have "needed" sweets to counteract the salty and would have felt too full. Then I would have had thoughts about giving up dinner because of the excess calories. Stress! Way too much stress involved with overeating.

But, I don't think that most of them were thinking about cutting back on dinner. Most are overweight and seem OK with it. It is normal to them. No problem- just what is and what happens. But I wonder now is it did stress them? Wondering...

Seems like this resist or give in choice is all over the place.

for me, "control" is better described as "awareness"

when i would mindlessly eat, i was like the human vacuum cleaner. i had no idea the amount i was eating until faced with some indication of reality (an empty bag, or empty box, or empty container) like i had lost my mind! for me, this felt like a lack of control, a lack of awareness of what was really happening.

when i sit down and eat slow, i feel like i am aware of what is going into my mouth. sometimes, i even find myself saying "damn, this tastes good!" or "boy, this is great japanese food" or whatever, then i know i am eating with awareness. i know what is going into the mouth. i feel "in control". but it is more like I am paying attention.

quote:

Originally posted by Brie:
I said "no" without any angst and went right to work.

Our meeting room is always filled with cookies, cake, bagels, donuts, etc.... I can't even imagine the damage control I would need to do if I stopped in there every time I was in the office.

Thank you!

You're welcome!

I know some people think that this "rule" is rigid or something.

But I worked in several offices for 10 years, from 1982 until 1992... and we just didn't have food 24/7 in the break room. There was a coffee maker, and that's it. And one (horrible) place I temped... we couldn't drink coffee or ANYTHING at our desks. And then I became a stay at home mom. My whole life "extra" food hasn't really been an issue.

Then I start teaching band... and WHOA... the continuous snacks and treats.

I don't even know HOW I would sort out what is "special" and "worth it"... although in my case, it is all store bought or cold PF Chang's leftovers or warm cheesecake.

And this kind of ambush food in the break room is VERY different from waking up and deciding that I don't want oatmeal, and I'm making eggs instead. I do that sometimes... but it isn't like I eat an extra 500-2000 calories when I do that. The food in the teachers' lounge is hundreds and hundreds and thousands of extra calories. If you add it up over the past 4-5 years... it is quite possibly MILLIONS of calories. No exaggeration.

(Nope. Not a million. Just did the math. If I ate 300 extra calories. 180 school days. 4.5 years... it is "only" about a quarter of a million extra calories)

How does a person decide, "Well, THESE 24,963 calories were worth it. But the other 1,695,743 calories aren't"?

I can go for weeks and not think of bagels. I'm not craving bagels (because if I was SERIOUSLY wanting a bagel... I know where they sell them). I'm not going to feel deprived if I don't eat a bagel because I'm not even THINKING about bagels. Bagels aren't even on my radar... and then BOOOOM!!! Walk in the teachers lounge and there are bagels and now I'm thinking, "BAGELS!!! Yum!!!" and have to decide, "Should I have a bagel?".

PLUS, in my case, I'm not there until about 1:30 or 2:00. I've already eaten breakfast and lunch. I've already had a snack. It isn't like I can "juggle" and ditch my lunch from home and eat a bagel. If I decide to eat 700-800 calories in bagel and cream cheese, we are talking about skipping dinner.

And I've been there, done that. I can EASILY eat 700-800 calories of food at 1:30pm. Doesn't matter if I'm hungry. I could eat lunch at noon and eat a whole second lunch at 1:30pm and not be stuffed or even uncomfortable.

But then come dinner time... I'm hungry. And I'm not realistically skipping dinner. Even if I did have two lunches. I might PLAN on skipping dinner... but it doesn't work out that way.

And then there are cholesterol issues. Pretty much EVERY single item in the teachers lounge is going to mess with my cholesterol numbers, even if I was able to SOMEHOW juggle the calories (which I suck at... and can't pretend that I don't).

But when it is ambush food... it isn't a case of feeling deprived or not. It isn't like I woke up and thought, "Hmmmm... a bagel sounds good!" and I'm going to feel deprived if I don't have one in the next couple of days.

But I don't feel any angst about passing it all up.

Like walking past the deli counter (or bakery or candy aisle or cookie aisle or chip aisle or ______ aisle) at the grocery store. The thousands and thousands and thousands of calories worth of food might look good and I might go, "Yum!", but I don't stop and eat it, just because it looks good and I'm there at the store.

quote:

It was sort of hard at first... but now it is just a habit. I don't think that I've eaten in the teachers' lounge in 4 or 5 years.

I can't even begin to tell you how many 1000s of calories your philosophy has saved me Denise. After years of reading your "no food in the lounge" comments on the board, when I started being in the hospice office, I adopted that mantra.

Yesterday I walked in to the office and before anyone said "hi", I was offered a donut. Out of habit now, I said "no" without any angst and went right to work.

Our meeting room is always filled with cookies, cake, bagels, donuts, etc.... I can't even imagine the damage control I would need to do if I stopped in there every time I was in the office.

Thank you!

actually, i buy the waffles for the kids. i am not usually a waffle chick, and the nutella is the same--for the kids. i think i must have been craving brownie or chocolate cake, but the closest thing i had in the house was waffle with nutella, which was not bad actually.

quote:

having a waffle with nutella (unplanned) is just an "oh well".

I keep thinking of this. You must have "planned" to eat this, on some level. I'm guessing you bought it and had it in the pantry, right? So you must have bought it with the intention (or plan?) of eating it?

Sometimes, I'll eat a peanut butter sandwich instead of curry and rice. But it is generally about the same amount of calories. And I did buy the peanut butter with plans to eat it. I didn't buy it to decorate the fridge.

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Originally posted by Sandy:

quote:

Originally posted by GoingSkiing:


I HATE the shifting and "making up for calories". I just HATE it.

My thoughts and feeling exactly. I find lightening up dinner because I ate crackers or cookies in the teachers' lounge so very stressful and unsatisfying.

I agree. Eating half a dinner is pretty much the definition of "unsatisfying" in many different ways.

Realistically, I pretty much suck at the calorie juggling and cutting back part... and if I ate cookies or pizza or whatever every time I walked thru the teachers' lounge... I'd just gain weight.

Thus, I find that for me, it just works better not to eat any of it.

It was sort of hard at first... but now it is just a habit. I don't think that I've eaten in the teachers' lounge in 4 or 5 years.

To ME, it is unthinkable to eat certain places. Like I don't eat while walking thru the grocery store. I don't eat in church. I don't eat while teaching a class. I don't eat during band practice. In a way, the food at work is sort of like that. I see it. But I don't eat it. Like I don't open packages in the grocery store and start eating them, because they are there or I "can".

I think that it is one of the advantages of being over 50. There are just some places where a person "doesn't" eat.

I "have to" eat a certain amount of nutritious food or my physical health will go to heck. And I have to eat a certain amount of not so nutritious food, or my mental health will go to heck.

But really, there are only so many treat calories in a week... and I hate to waste them on yucky cookies while waiting for the copy machine.

quote:

Originally posted by Sandy:
I wonder if Beck's wording puts some people off? Just wondering while I type...

Beck's wording in the first book put me off in a big way. In fact, I don't think I ever finished the first book. I did not find her second book as offputting. I found it more realistic and less severe.

quote:

Originally posted by GoingSkiing:


I HATE the shifting and "making up for calories". I just HATE it.

My thoughts and feeling exactly. I find lightening up dinner because I ate crackers or cookies in the teachers' lounge so very stressful and unsatisfying.

OTOH, when I eat per my plan I feel satisfied about 90% of the time. I like the meals I plan and make. I enjoy our splurge meals out. When I am flexing and shifting because I "want to" I am rarely satisfied.

quote:

Originally posted by GoingSkiing:

quote:

Originally posted by Sandy:
A consistent sense of control

I think that most people react to the word "control". Unfortunately, I can't think of a better word. Maybe something like "managed" or something like that.

For whatever reason, I don't react to the word "control" and even find that it makes good sense to me.

I do agree that for many people it is a loaded word- especially around food/eating.

I like the sense of control I have when I eat on plan. Flexing around and shifting foods makes me stressed. It's not that I don't eat stuff I want to eat- I just plan it into my week. If I was to flex because I felt like eating take out pizza for dinner instead of pasta and veggies, I know I would slowly gain. That would upset me. Of course I would rather eat pizza and chips, but I just don't allow it unless I plan it into my week.

OTOH, many others here seem to find it easy to flex around food and not plan as much as some of us do. Some are in loss mode- that is super great. I would like to be able to keep a healthy BMI and eat per my wishes but I don't seem to be wired that way.

I wonder if Beck's wording puts some people off? Just wondering while I type...


I have seen so many friends and family members not exercise (much, enough?) control over eating. So many of them have had negative consequences. But many here are using flexible eating while they lose weight. I guess we are all wired differently.

quote:

Originally posted by Sandy:
A consistent sense of control

I think that most people react to the word "control". Unfortunately, I can't think of a better word. Maybe something like "managed" or something like that.

"Flexibility" works for me if I'm trading one vegetable for another. If I planned to have broccoli but the asparagus look or sound better... no big deal.

However, OFTEN in my case, "flexibility" can mean ditching the vegs altogether and having cereal and milk or something “unplanned” for dinner. This results in:

a) food being wasted and vegs turning to slime in the veg drawer.
b) me eating more calories and gaining 1/2 a week
c) me eating less healthy

quote:

...No morphing or shifting so that I can eat a few crackers that are calling my name or have a slice of pizza in the teachers' lounge.

I HATE the shifting and "making up for calories". I just HATE it.

I’m “lucky” that I just don’t have crackers in the house except maybe the week of Christmas. And I’m “lucky” that I just don’t really have the habit of grabbing random handfuls of food. Like I don’t walk past a cereal box and have a handful.

And mostly, if I'm going to eat pizza... I want GOOD pizza with my family.

quote:

Originally posted by iz:
I agree with Jill--satisfaction is so important.

Cold, greasy pizza, eaten with bitching teacher co-workers generally isn’t exactly “satisfying”. Now… pizza with my family generally IS satisfying. But in my case… that often takes planning. Even our “spontaneity” takes some planning.

But I wish that there was a better word than “control”, since it seems to have such negative connotations.

But I find it hard to imagine that it is “bad” to plan a weeks worth of meals, go to the grocery store and buying the ingredients, and then actually making the meals that I planned. I don’t know… it is kind of what my family has done for 4 or 5 generations now (and maybe more… but I don‘t know the shopping/cooking habits of my great, great grandmothers. I’m not sure exactly how that is “deprivation”. To me it is “normal” or what a person “does”.

And if I plan and go to the store… it usually tastes GREAT… and the “satisfaction” level is VERY high. I made 3 or 4 meals in a row last and we were ALL really happy with the meals.

And “spontaneous” food isn’t necessarily “satisfying”. I’ve had my share of disappointing restaurant meals. I can even think of cookies and a cinnamon bun that was pretty bad and not exactly satisfying. Didn’t stop me from eating it…

Also, I think that the Beck book might be directed at new dieters… or people with many unsuccessful dieting attempts… and there is “control” and “out of control”. Anybody who has ever been totally out of control with food and gaining week after week after week after week can know how very bad that can feel. I know for me, “out of control” and gaining does NOT feel good or “satisfying”. It is depressing and feels horrible. I know that in 1998, I was “out of control” and gaining 10 pounds a month. It was BEYOND awful.

Probably, most of us on this board are several years removed from either this “out of control” behavior and the feelings associated with it. For me, that period of time was 12 years ago... and seems like a lifetime ago or another person or something.

But, perhaps many of Beck’s clients/audience are wishing to end this “out of control” gaining… So, “control” can also be the opposite of “out of control”.

If I make a list of the feelings associated with being “out of control” and gaining…
Sad
Depressed
Failure
Dejected
Devastated
Helpless
Disappointed
Worried (about health, etc)
Anxious
Pessimistic
edit: Horrified
Disgusted with myself
Desperate
Miserable
Etc, etc, etc..

Then “control” would/could be the opposite of all of these words.

But too bad there isn’t a less loaded word than “control”, though.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: GoingSkiing,

I agree with Jill--satisfaction is so important. I will not dwell in feelings of deprivation any longer. It just does not work.

quote:

Originally posted by jillybean:
And I've been losing about 1-2 lbs per week so I'm not too concerned about it.



Jill

Congrats on your continued loss. That is AWESOME!

I need both control and flexibility. Right now I have too much flexibility and too little control.

I've stopped beating myself up though; if I see bad numbers, I know what I've done, but I also know the weight will eventually come off provided I get back on track.

Right now my food intake is off, but not all of it is due to me. My workday lunch is a staple in my diet, and when the menu is unsuitable, as it has been for some time now, I suffer. I don't want to switch to bringing my own lunch, because the lunch I need involves lots of prep and then I'd be at my desk all day without the break of going elsewhere to eat.

A lightbulb moment was when I realized that I prefer 'real' food. I still have a weird romance with sweets, but given the choice, I prefer a tasty, home-cooked meal. It's when I don't get that meal that I end up frustrated and angry. Like Jill said, it's about taste and experience and satisfaction.

quote:

Originally posted by jillybean:
But really I want to be able to eat what I happen to be hungry for at the time. If I have a bowl of Cheerios/milk/berries "set" for my breakfast plan and I have no desire to eat that I can tell you exactly what will happen. I will not be satisfied (physical hunger, yes) and will be back in the kitchen looking for something else that will satisfy. I seem to do much better eating what I am hungry for.

Whew...I definitely know what you mean there. I am very much the same...except for the losing 1-2 pounds a week part! LOL

My problem with a set eating plan is that when I do go off of it I feel guilty and beat myself up. And that is not a healthy way to live. I enjoy variety when I eat and I do stock my kitchen each week with foods that are healthy and nutritious and I do plan out dinners for the week (mostly to make my life easier after work). There are nights when I will change-up the dinner plan and either make something from a different night on the menu or make some changes to what I had planned. Maybe part of resisting a set food plan is the rebellious side of me. The "I don't want to eat than and I don't have to" side. But really I want to be able to eat what I happen to be hungry for at the time. If I have a bowl of Cheerios/milk/berries "set" for my breakfast plan and I have no desire to eat that I can tell you exactly what will happen. I will not be satisfied (physical hunger, yes) and will be back in the kitchen looking for something else that will satisfy. I seem to do much better eating what I am hungry for. I know for some it is just a matter of satisfying physical hunger meaning-if you are hungry and there is an apple there and you don't want it then you are not really hungry. I agree/disagree with that. Yes eating that apple will probably take care of the hunger. But on a deeper level it won't. And eating for me is about taste and experience and satisfaction. I find that eating the way I do right now, I don't worry and think about food all day long. And I've been losing about 1-2 lbs per week so I'm not too concerned about it.

I think it is great to be able to devise a food plan and stick to it. For me it just doesn't work.

Jill

quote:

Originally posted by iz:
i think for me--it is consistency in being flexible.

I hear you on that. I started my journey in 2003 and I was having major problems with the Guilt & Shame Monster...self-flagellating over every perceived failure and making myself miserable. There is no way to take joy in food or eating or much of anything else when you feel miserable (especially about yourself).

The turning point for me was President's Day weekend of 2004, I believe. I'd gone to the beach (where I now live) to visit my best friends, and had discovered dark chocolate truffles at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory in one of the outlet malls here. I ate 3, I think it was, over the course of the long weekend...and I came back home to Virginia beating myself bloody over it.

I posted here about it and people told me to lighten up on myself. And I realized...HEY! I'm doing great. Beating myself up is not productive! It is making me miserable! And I committed myself then to turning that around.

And all these years later, my weight may not be as low as it was in 2004, but I am much happier, more at peace with myself, and can enjoy food again.

For me, the challenge continues to be eating as low calorie as I need to eat in order to lose or maintain weight. I still eat healthy most of the time, walk every day and work out several times a week...I just haven't found the magic formula to be able to be happy and be thinner at the same time.

quote:

Originally posted by Coaster Girl:


I'm good as long as I have a plan.

I totally envy you in this way! I am so good at making plans. But then I feel like eating crackers or cereal or _______ and my plan is up in smoke.

Today I stuck to my plan. I know that practice will help. Rest and lots of support and downtime help too. Reducing stress...
getting there...

I find that when I am stressed, I have far less energy to follow through with food planning and eating per plan.

Hugs to those who are stressed these days. February is not an easy month.

I think that part of why I've struggled to have a consistent sense of control is the fact that it's been an incredibly trying 18 months. And stress accumulates. It makes sense to me that I would be feeling a lack of consistent self control.

The good news for me is that I am feeling like I am getting back on track mentally. I am seeing more of the benefits of sticking to a food plan. (I am talking lower stress as well as better scale results.)

Hoping for more of that sense as spring arrives and I am pulling out shorts and tanks.