I think I'm finally finding my way back to my ideal state and I wanted to talk it through and see what all your thoughts are and see if I can figure out what the deal is so I can hang onto it.

Yesterday was a wild day and I ate really spontaneously and there were certainly indulgences but there wasn't angst. Hallelujah! I had a couple pancakes and a piece of sausage at a charity walk (I volunteered so didn't walk it), I had pistacios and fried chicken at the ball game and I had pizza for dinner but had 2 pieces only and a salad. Obviously a higher calorie day. I had moments where I considered even more indulgences (ice cream at the ball park for one) and it felt fine to say "no, had enough" and on the other hand I went ahead and picked up a chai even though I had the thought that I was going to have other indulgences that day and might want to skip it.

It felt like moderation for the first time in a long time. I have pulled off moderation in the past but it wasn't without angst (either for having eaten the item or for having given it up) in recent months. I had careened far from moderation last winter and that resulted in gained weight (but not much angst I must admit).

It was just such a nice feeling. I want to hang onto that for a while.

Peg

goal for week - continue to avoid donuts at work....and make it to gym one week night..I usually go on Sundays only....

I am trying to lose weight again....I did well, lost 37 pounds - but with this job of 2 years, I got some weight back and into bad habits...I am starting with "avoiding donuts" at work..So far I did not eat donut holes 3x during week, when they were there..I tried to bring lots of food and had veggie chips/mozarella cheese as a snack..plus turkey sandwich and fruit salad for lunch...I did have 2 choc. chip cookies on Friday. The kitchen at work..bakes fresh choc. chip cookies on Friday and I can't resist them -especially when it is a "two cookie" week...I did have a slice of lemon meronque pie at a diner after a rough day..I did make it to the gym yesterday and went to a street fair Sat. We did have dinner out- but I had veggies with bean curd..take care all!

quote:

It also occured to me that "angst" is very different from being "conscious".

Exactly...yesterday felt like consciousness. A similar day a few weeks ago caused a lot of negative feelings that I'm labeling angst for lack of a better word. I was resentful that I had to weigh every decision and that life was just too structured for my taste that day. It might be a worthwhile experiement to know what my calories were both days because I suspect they were darn close to each other. All about the way I talked to myself. I also think I just need to make faster decisions. Yesterday I didn't ponder any particular decision for very long but I do vividly remember spending a lot of time thinking about decisions the day a few weeks ago just by virtue of the fact that I had no distraction while I was driving.

Peg

It also occured to me that "angst" is very different from being "conscious".

I was in angst every day in 1998... and it didn't keep me thin.

I really think that a good, realistic, sustainable plan beats angst ANY day.

I also almost NEVER eat in a way that makes me feel deprived, even in losing mode.

I recently read in Beck's newest book that most people can't eat less than 1600 calories for any length of time and keep it up and lose weight. In the last 6.5 weeks, I've eaten under 1600 calories 9 times. And I ate under 1500 exactly once out of 45 days.

I ate about 2533 calories yesterday... and honestly, there was a little bit of angst... but I also knew that I was on track, and didn't put much energy into being angst-y at all.

It doesn't apply too much on this board... but I have noticed that the people on the WW'ers board who are the most emotional and angst-y also struggle the most. Mostly, because they can't say, "That was a fun day yesterday! OK... back to the oatmeal and bringing my lunch today!"

Highly angst-y people also can be some hellacious emotional eaters... and are often driven to eat by angst.

I don't know if I ever want to feel angst although that is probably not realistic. Angst for me feels like one of those non-sustainable things that I've worked so hard to identify and leave out of my healthy lifestyle. I don't mind having the conversations and making the decisions because I understand that I want to eat more calories than I need but I do want to find ways to talk to myself that are in the moderation 'tone of voice' and not the angst tone. I don't know if that makes any sense to you guys but it is starting to make more sense to me. This is more subtle than some of the other aspects of figuring out what isn't sustainable. Somehow it is easier to identify that I'm not going to be able to sustain long periods of exercise during a week but harder to see how the words I might be saying are not sustainable either.

Peg

quote:

As long as you are recognizing that it was an indulgence day, getting yourself back on track today, making up for it with more exercise and more careful eating, one crazy day shouldn't derail you.

I don't really mess with altering my days surrounding an indulgence. For one thing, I don't track things closely enough to really know how much would be enough/more and for the other, that's where the angst stuff starts to come in. If I am indulging thinking about how I'm going to 'make up for it' or, even more rarely, planning ahead and trimming calories, that feels like more angst/less moderation for me. Right now it's easy to get back on track the next day with more typical eating and I also do try to look at the week as a whole as much as I can without it being angst-like.

Thanks, that helped me put a little sharper point on it...I'm going to figure it out.

Thanks for the cheers! I'm dancing Jill, I'm dancin'!

Peg

I also waffle on the angst and no angst thing.

I think that mine fluctuates based on a number of variables… whether I’m in losing, gaining, or maintaining mode… and I’m SURE that there are more… but they might be mindless and I can’t think of them. I suppose another is how “good” or “bad” I feel a food is. I almost NEVER feel angst about carrots. But nearly ALWAYS feel angst at eating a donut with 72 g of transfat… and most foods are someplace in between.

For ME, the worst angst is when I’m deliberating, “Should I eat this?” and going back in forth in my mind and coming up with rationalizations (some valid and realistic and grownup… and some irrational and very toddler-within driven) for eating and not eating said food.

I’d like to say that I’m so evolved and zen like… I never feel angst… but I do. I’m not sure that it is necessarily bad. Most human feel some angst, some of the time.

If I NEVER felt angst, I would have never gained 55 pounds. I would have happily remained “naturally thin”. I would have never struggled with making the “wrong” food choice.

If I NEVER felt angst, I would have never lost weight lost. I would have remained happily overeating and overweight. I would have never struggled with making the “right” food choice.

If I NEVER felt angst, I might be uninformed and not even know the difference between a “good”, “better”, “best” choice.

If I NEVER felt angst, I might be uninformed and not know the difference between a “bad”, “worse”, “worst” choice.

If I NEVER felt angst, I would have never met you all.

peg, i think you hit the nail on the head. creating that level of comfort while living life to the fullet.

i have days when it is easier, and i have days when it is harder. i think i have more easier days now, than in the past , and i hope it continues in that direction.

thanks for describing it so well.
you are one groovy-licious chick!

Well, as a Giants fan, I wish you had had some angst about the game itself...but let's not go there.

It sounds to me like you did really well. Moderation will look different today than it did when you started your journey, and it may change again further down the road. As long as you are recognizing that it was an indulgence day, getting yourself back on track today, making up for it with more exercise and more careful eating, one crazy day shouldn't derail you. And it doesn't sound like it will.

Well done.

Sounds like you are in a "groove". Good for you!

I go back and forth with the "angst" and "no angst" thing. It is when I worry most about food/calories and what I am eating that I seem to do the worst. Usually because when I am worrying I am in "diet/restriction" frame of mind. The whole deprivation thing sends me into an eating frenzy that I care not to partake of.

It seems the less I am focused (or obsessing in my case) on food, the better I do.

All I can say is "Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, YEA YEA!!!"

Jill