ok, I have a hypothetical date tonight. I'm 99% sure this guy is either *really* shy or married. I've got a bad vibe about this, and I don't know if its jitters, blind dates are strange (its a guys from match.com) or whether I'm really picking up on something. This guy hasn't told me much about himself and always seems to want to meet after dark. He also cancels at the last minute, so this may not even be an issue. I was thinking this morning of buying Mace. Is there anything else I could use in the advent of him being some creep?(Since I'm not sure where one would buy Mace!)
Bleah. Maybe I will cancel. his screenname on match.com is salmonbrok if anyone wants to look at his (very minute) profile.

Cate

Doesn't sound like there was any chemistry, you are afraid of the guy, he sets off your internal radar, and he didn't offer to buy you a cup of coffee. Plus he cancels dates at the last minute.

I hope you don't accept another date with him. My guess about why he didn't have the car you were expecting is that you are right, he's married/attached, and was driving his significant other's car.

Hold out for something a little better. If he emails you, just tell him the chemistry wasn't there for you. Hope you find Prince Charming next time instead of a toad.

I'm just back from the weekend, so I didn't see this before.

I'm glad you made it back safe. He sounds like a loser at the very least, and something does seem off there.

Better luck next time.

Dawn

He may just be very socially awkward. But, I agree with the others. Go with your gut insticnt. The right guy for you will not make you feel that way!

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...There was no reason for him to lie about that...

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It's a well established fact that Real Men drive pickup trucks.

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Now you know what his idea of a dinner date is....I used to have a boyfriend that was like that ordered for himself and then sat down. Obviously he didn't last long

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Must have been kin to one of my boyfriends! He always swore up and down that the only kind of pizza he could eat was cheese pizza, so we got plain cheese pizza. Oh, and ice water to drink, because it's so much better for ya. That lasted right up until I noticed that if someone else was buying, he liked pizza with everything and a big Coke....<snort>

angie

Thought about you all night. Glad you are home, sad it wasn't the rainbows you might have wanted. But you are right, it was a good trial run....and seemed safe enough. Now you know what his idea of a dinner date is....I used to have a boyfriend that was like that ordered for himself and then sat down. Obviously he didn't last long

Cate,
I've never met you but I can tell that you are better than someone who will cancel on you at the last minute. Remember any guy is lucky to go out with you! The ball should be in your court not his. I'm concerned that you still went on the date knowing that you felt uneasy or potentially unsafe. I could hear the red flages going off in your email. Just the fact you were considering buying mace for your date makes me think eww... yuck.. your safety and well being are so much more important than a blind date with a man who is not honest with you from the start.

I just wanted to let you know that I met my husband over two years ago from a dating service on line "matchmaker.com." We just got married this past August 2003. We are so happy! My family and most of my friends had no idea because I come from a conservative background but, I was having problems meeting quailty men. I joined the service for two months and went on a lot of interesting dates. I would not go on a date with someone from the dating service unless I saw his picture, new his last name, spoke to him on the phone a few times,etc... Until I felt comfortable and ran by a couple of my girlfriends I would proceed on meeting the person in a public place. As soon as I met my husband I knew and cancelled my service. We were married a year and a half later.

I guess what I'm saying is have patience and believe in yourself. Don't settle! "Especially if he can't even splurge for a cup of coffee at Starbucks or even dinner.

Cate, remember to enjoy yourself because your worth it!

Stephanie

Also glad that you are back safe! I agree that something sounds "off". Better luck with the next date!

Glad you're back.. sorry it didn't turn out great.

Laurie

Glad you are home safe! Sounds like an odd ball... Kind of a good practice date. Sending positive thoughts that the next one will be a little less odd.

Denise

Well, I'm home! *listens to the sigh of relief across the country*

it was kind of strange. He lied to me on the phone about the car he was driving (said it was going to be a pickup truck, was driving a red sportscar). So I'm trying to figure that out. There was no reason for him to lie about that.

He seems ok, nice enough, except he didn't offer to even buy me a cup of coffee!!! We were sitting, talking in Starbucks. There were a couple restaurants in the same complex, he didn't ask if I was hungry. (I was. I inhaled food when I came home)

I still have a vibe of something not being quite kosher with him.

oh well. It was a good practice run.

Cate

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...Since I'm not sure where one would buy Mace!...

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If there is a Galyan's sports store in your area, they carry Mace brand pepper spray. In our area, it's (and other brands of pepper spray) available in gun stores, uniform stores, and some general retailers.

Trust your gut. It's the best barometer you have. Remember to keep yourself safe. Even if you just tell the person in the desk next to you, tell someone where you are going....or better yet, tell a friend that you will call them when you get home and fill them in on the details.

I know computer dating and ads in the paper are
the wave of the future, but, they can be scarey.
So tell someone, okay. Now, the mom in me will worry until I see your name on the boards tomorrow.

AND if by chance it turns out okay, hey, tell us "old" ladies about it in the AM! We can live vicariously.

I agree with everyone else. Be safe. Be really, really safe. Don't take chances.

Let somebody (besides us) know where you are going and when you expect to be home, etc.

(Have you talked to him on the phone?)

Denise

I agree about meeting in a very public place and making sure you are in a safe area.
I'm also one for listening to your gut so if that little inner voice is screaming at you, listen!

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Originally posted by cate:
I was thinking this morning of buying Mace. Is there anything else I could use in the advent of him being some creep?

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I don't necessarily have a problem with Mace, but for your own safety, it's not something to buy at the spur of the moment and hope you'll be able to use if you need it. (And some states have laws about carrying it anyway, so it can be a nuisance.) If you're not really familiar and comfortable with it, you're as likely to spray yourself as the bad guy, so that can really be a bummer

Go, just in case he's a great guy and it's just your nerves. But meet him somewhere with lots of people -- a restaurant, maybe a bar (one advantage to a restaurant is that it stands out much more if someone is behaving inappropriately). Don't leave with him, even if it's to go to another restaurant -- if y'all decide to go somewhere else, follow him there. And if you have a cell phone, make arrangements for someone to call you at a pre-arranged time "just by coincidence" (if he's a nice guy, he won't be offended that you take precautions, but why let him know?). Preferably have 'em call you a bit later, too (pretend it's someone else if you want, that way he knows you've got lots of friends, and they all know where you are).

If you're extremely nervous, but want to get a look at him, there's always the trick a friend of my arranged. She set up for several of us to "happen" to show up at the restaurant after a couple of hours. Celebrating a birthday. By a little finagling, she ended up leaving with us (she was a little paranoid about him seeing her car or following her if he was a psycho). We only went to the bar across the street, had a drink and watched until he left. He wasn't a psycho, but he was quite the loser

angie

Cate,
First I think about your physical safety. Make sure that you see him in a public place and take all the basic precautions. I agree with Laurie about instincts. I hope that you'll trust yourself.

If you feel really uncomfortable, then I would listen to your instinct. If you think it is just nerves, then meet him somewhere with a lot of people (like a bar) and have a couple of friends there as well.

Let us know how it goes!

I hope it goes alright tonight, but listen to you gut feelings. I firmly believe we get them for a reason. Is the date local or out of town? Its best to try to stick with familiar territory. I used to always go with the old stand by of having someone call you part way through the date to check up. I met several nice guys through match.com , a few creeps too, but that happens everywhere.

Good luck,

Laurie