This is sooooooo minor, but still - it's the grain of sand in this oyster...

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom saved my life. Literally. I won't go into that additionally.

I have a number of copies, mostly so I may lend it to people to learn Morrie's and Mitch's lessons. Among the copies are a special edition which I received when I attended the world premier in Detroit of the made-for-TV movie. Each attendee got a copy of the book with a special label inside the front cover and signed by Mitch Albom.

I lent it to a friend who returned it this afternoon. She was very apologetic and let me know that somehow the dustjacket had gotten wet. I think I handled it o.k. I told her it was o.k. I didn't freak out, and I know that not that long ago I would have be unconsolable.

I do collect books. I take good care of them. Is there something I should have said to her to assure her it was o.k.? Should I have said it was o.k.?

Not sure how to act or respond. Advise, please.

I have loaned things to friends before and had them come back completely trashed. At that point I had to resolve that if I lend something, I do not expect to get it back in the same condition, or really, even at all. When I go in with those types of expectations, I can better decide what I can loan, and I don't have hurt feelings when things don't come back in the same condition.

Kathy

Wow, can I hug you now? Thanks so much for telling that story - how incredible. I am so glad you survived that really difficult time - you are amazing

You're really just concerned that your friend may be worried that she hurt your feelings? What about trusting her with something else right away so she doesn't feel like you are going to shut her out? Perhaps you could say, 'If you liked that book, you'll love this one!' and just leave it in her mailbox today. That would make the point that you are ok with it all.

Thanks again for being so real.

Lynne

Linda,
Maybe just tell your friend what you just posted - that while the "old" you would have been upset, the "new" you is really fine with it and that you hope she isn't fretting over it.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. What an amazing turning point!

Big hugs!

Thanks for the responses. I really don't feel that I'm feeling angst.

I'm more concerned about my friend - a good friend who understands how I feel about this book - and here's the story. (it's the reason that my IM name is "morriesstudent").

My third of year of teaching down here (Central OH) my school got a new principal. I got a principal who had me in her sites. I tried doing everything she wanted, but I just couldn't make her happy. I spent countless hours, sleepless nights trying to do the things she wanted the way she wanted. It was a hopeless situation. This situation put me into therapy.

After 1-1/2 years of this, I became more and more isolated since I only had time to "try to keep my job." I slipped into a suicidal state. One of the counselors at school, who had been trying to help and encourage me through all this time, called one night saying, "This idea just came to me that you might take a bunch of pills."

I didn't hesitate in replying, "No. It's going to be in the car." I had been planning.

She got together with the School Psychologist, who was also on my side, and called my psychologist and got me an medica/mental health leave.

Tuesdays with Morrie was the first book that I read during my time off. It reminded me that there were people like me who really cared about people. I wasn't so alone. It was a message I needed to here. It was a turning point.

I have multiple copies and my original copy has a long post-it note in it. Most people who I have lent a copy to sign the post--it. Just about all whom I've purchased books for (usually someone long distance from me) have sent handwritten notes thanking me for introducing them to this book.

I really am calm about this book. Two things. 1. It's just a book. 2. The cover isn't that bad. 3. I know the person I leant this book to is a careful individual.

I really wanted to know what I should (have) said to her to let her know it was really o.k. - that it just wasn't one of those niceties one says to be polite.

The calmness I feel is another indication to me that I have really done some major mental healing in the past few months and that my life is in my control - not someone else's.

Linda

I love books too but am not a collector so take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt as I can see that I'm not really "getting it".

Perhaps it is the peer group that I'm in but I've never lent out a book and gotten it back in the condition that it was given. Usually, someone's child gets food on it, bends the book, etc... (most of my friends have small children). Sometimes, I don't get books back at all.

I would agree that you may want to rethink lending out special books - just make the reading recommendation and suggest that the person pick it up at the library. No need to give out something that meaningful to you.

While I don't have the same passion about books there are many other things in my life that I would NEVER loan out.

PS I'm sorry that this is causing you so much angst : (

Funny, but my friend loaned me "The Five People.." by Mitch Albom. I loved it and I actually got the dust cover wet. I felt terrible, just because I love books also. So, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought her a brand new one. She never knew the difference.

I am sure it was not completely O.K but it really depends on how good a friend she is and whether you feel like she was careless with it as to how you should have handled it. Accidents do happen to the best of people and then again there are people who don't take care of their own things much less someone else's. Personally, I have given up on loaning out something that I consider irreplaceable and I take better care of other people's things than I do my own.

Hey Linda,

It sounds like you were very gracious, and I hope you will forgive her. I guess loaning out your special editions may be something you should reconsider. Maybe get a few paperbacks to have on hand and keep the special ones at home. I wish you would share your story about that though, it sounds very significant. You've got me on the edge of my seat

Lynne

I know how you feel...I am very anal about my books also..I tell people if I lend you this book please don't bend the spine and I take the jacket cover off..

How badly damaged was the cover..Is it worth her replaceing it?