Homework #1: Plan your Winter Holiday gift giving list now.

I’ve heard on the radio that people who plan and shop now, spend less. They also do less impulsive buying. And spending less will ultimately mean less stress for most of us. Less stress is good for our health and our waistlines.

I can also tell you from personal experience… people who plan and shop now, eat fewer calories in November and December!

I don’t think that we ate any meals at the Mall Food Court last December. This is a big change for us. We used to eat several meals at the Food Court with Christmas Carols being played in the background over the Musak.

Shopping for presents in Dec. is stressful for me. Being stressed out about time, gift choices, $$$ and also being tired and hungry is a bad combination. My natural inclination is NOT to go to One-Potato-Two-Potato and get a plain spud with broccoli…

Last year, I did all my shopping over the internet... and that is my plan this year... no food court!

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Homework #2: Do you make holiday food gifts? What do you make? Why?

<Scrooge of Xmas Past is putting on a Grinch Costume and climbing up on a soap box now…>

I seriously ask you to reconsider the food gifts you give this year.

I ask you to reconsider for your own good. Last December… There were several posts on this board and MANY, MANY posts on the WW boards along these lines, “Help me!!!! I’m making 17 dozen cookies to give as gifts to neighbors and my children‘s teachers. I’m surrounded by cookies!!! I’ve already eaten 5 and I’m posting because I can NOT eat one more cookie!!!”

I ask you to reconsider for my own good. (For those of you without kids, just insert neighbor, mailman, etc… any place it says “teacher”)

1. As a teacher, I have been the recipient of thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of calories gifted upon me. I appreciate the thought, but I need platters of cookies and bags of spiced nuts and fudge logs like more holes in my head.

At one point, I was teaching 3 band classes and had about 70 students. I’ve been thinking about it and I think that I received almost half a million calories one year… empty calories. I got 4 cans of nuts (I remember these because dh said, “Honey, How cute! You are literally working for peanuts now!” Yep. Will work for honey roasted peanuts and smoked flavor almonds, too…) I also remember a one lb box of See’s Candies… because ds and I ate it for dinner after class. I’ve gotten homemade spiced nuts along with the recipe in case I wanted to make more calories at home… And I remember one of those giant tins of Danish Sugar Butter Cookies - the ones with 300 small cookies… but don’t remember who gave it to me. Don’t remember who gave me the cheese log and salami… I also don’t remember most of the kids who have given me platter of cookies, rice crispy treats and other homemade food gifts.

2. Personally, I usually throw homemade cookies/candies away. I don’t know if your child washed his/her hands or picked his nose or licked his fingers before/while decorating those sugar cookies. I view these homemade goodies as vehicles for germs and viruses (especially if it is obvious that preschool/elementary age kids have helped).

3. I find it sort of ironic that parents who really dislike that sugary foods are served at school parties are often the same ones who will spend a week baking 18 different kinds of cookies to give as gifts to their children’s teachers. Not to be mean or anything … but… Do you adhere to a double standard? Would you be very upset if your child’s teacher gave candy as a reward? But at the same time, do you give the teacher a pound of your family’s secret recipe Killer Karamels?

4. That reminds me. 67% of the US population is overweight. That goes for teachers and your neighbors, too. Many of the people you are baking for have their own health issues… diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol issues. Most of us eat more than enough calories and saturated fat, without them spontaneously appearing at our doors.

5. We teachers all have bunch of our own family recipes and traditions involving chocolate, cream, butter, sugar and white flour… When we leave the classroom in December we go to our own kitchens and bake and cook up our own favorite extra empty calories. We really don’t need more calories given to us.

If any of us are feeling a little like we may be in need of a few extra calories… we can always go to the teachers’ lounge. Most parents and students have never been there, but at the 6 schools I have taught/subbed at… EVERY flat surface has platters of cookies and candies and appetizers during the entire month of Dec… not to mention buckets of fried chicken, etc., etc., etc. Teachers have the fine art of pot-luck DOWN! Believe me, we generate LOTS of extra calories all on our own.

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OK… granted gifts made in the kitchen are (sometimes) economical and heartfelt… and I believe that the people who give homemade gifts get a lot of personal satisfaction (they also appear to be VERY stressed sometimes… but they seem to enjoy creating something).

IF you have some uncontrollable urge to feed people… I’ve NEVER had a student/parent give me anything healthy. I would have LOVED it if somebody would have given me a pot of healthy soup for dinner. I’ve got kids from MANY ethnic groups. I would love it if somebody made me a healthy dish from their native country.

But, to tell you the truth, my VERY favorite gift of all time… a parent took a piece of sheet music and had every kid in the class sign it and she framed it. It wasn’t a professional framing job. She might have gotten the frame at the Dollar Store. It was a piece of music that the kids worked on REALLY hard and represented a lot of effort and learning on their part and that has been my all time favorite gift in the past 6 years.

And now, I’m proactive and I tell the kids that it embarrasses me when they bring me gifts. I tell them point blank, “I’ve run out of room in the kitchen for more “Teacher” coffee cups - but I LOVE homemade cards. If you make me a card, I have a place where I keep them all and I’ll remember you always.”

Thought I’d be proactive - because the week of Dec. 19th is too late… when everybody is posting, “HELP ME!!! I made 20 lbs of fudge, but I have to make more tomorrow because I ate 5 lbs for lunch!”

OK… jumping off the high horse now! (Whew!! It is windy up there … long winded… )

PS… I found the book Unplug the Christmas Machine really helpful in scaling back on Xmas spending and activities and stress.

Many “Frugal Holiday” books or magazine articles can kind of promote this “Let’s make/bake all of our gifts this year!!!” mentality - but this book isn't about being frugal... it is about having a more joyous holiday.

I especially liked the chapter on Women as the makers of Xmas and Men as the supporting cast.

It is obviously geared toward Christmas… but I think that a person of any faith could read it and get ideas for sorting out the winter season holiday stress, expenses and expectations from that which is truly joyful.

Anyway, this is the time to read it and start conversations with friends and family and coworker, etc. about expectations for this holiday.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: GoingSkiing,

[QUOTE]Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
The teachers' wishes are usually things like books for the classroom, balls for the playground, white board markers, reams of paper, specific supplies for a craft or science project, bulletin board decorations, hand sanitizer, boxes of Kleenex... since none of these, not even Kleenex, are provided by the district...

QUOTE]

Our school district doesn't provide that stuff either so at the beginning of the school year, the parents get a laundry list of items to purchase as "communal supplies" for each classroom.

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Originally posted by skedwards:
I like your ideas for teacher's gifts as well.

During the month of December, there is a "Wish List" bulletin board in the school office. The teachers hang "tags" on the board with their name, classroom and their wishes. The tags are die cut pieces of construction paper in the shape of animals or trains or other "kid" kind of shapes.

The teachers' wishes are usually things like books for the classroom, balls for the playground, white board markers, reams of paper, specific supplies for a craft or science project, bulletin board decorations, hand sanitizer, boxes of Kleenex... since none of these, not even Kleenex, are provided by the district...

Parents grab a tag off the wall and know exactly what to give the teacher.

This has been worked out really well and all of these are the kind of things that teachers spend their own money on. The Parent/Teacher assc. organizes it at our school… but any teacher or parent could organize one if your child’s school doesn’t do something like this already.

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Maybe you can start a new tradition. Buy a couple of books or something that you’ve been wanting/needing for your classroom. Maybe write a note to the volunteers saying that you added two new books for you classroom library. Write “In Honor of the 2005-2006 Classroom Volunteers” and ask them to all sign the inside cover…

Or you can always have 2-3 students work on a card for each volunteer and have all the kids sign the cards with their cute baby scrawly signatures. Parents/grandparents/volunteers are suckers for that kind of thing. The math tutor would love a picture of herself helping students with a boarder of math symbols and numbers - I know it.

Fantastic ideas Denise!!!! DS isn't in school yet, but teacher's gifts always cross my mind. I like your ideas for teacher's gifts as well. The parents might ask their children's teacher what she really needs for her classroom and "dedicate" these items to the teacher. It wouldn't even have to be for a holiday, it could be simply to show your appreciation of the teacher.

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Originally posted by Kat N.:
I always struggle with what to give the volunteers in my room...any suggestions?

I've volunteered in several classrooms. I was actually surprised when Jamie's kindergarten teach gave gifts to the volunteers. I think that she gave hand lotion or something (I know that I've gotten hand/foot lotion at couple of times - but I never use them...). It never occurred to me that the teacher would feel obligated to spend her own money to buy me a gift.

Not all teachers give gifts. I’ve gotten gifts from about half the teachers. I don’t think that a gift is necessary. A simple “thank you” note is very nice. One teacher singled out a way that I was valuable in the classroom and I really appreciated that. She was one of the teachers who didn't give a gift... and I also had one of the best experiences in her classroom.

I did a weekly elementary music class for a couple of years and the teacher gave me an envelope of thank you letters/drawings from the kids and I really appreciated that.

I used to teach Sunday School and it really bothered me that the congregation (which struggled to pay the minister and staff a fair salary, lived in fear of a rent increase, etc.) budgeted $100 for gifts for the teachers. I can’t think of one single person who is volunteering so that they can collect their flowers and bookmarks.

The organization I currently do the most volunteering (and give the largest donation to) for sends a Holiday Card signed by the board members. I’m very happy that all of my donation goes to the program and not to buying gifts.

Maybe you can start a new tradition. Buy a couple of books or something that you’ve been wanting/needing for your classroom. Maybe write a note to the volunteers saying that you added two new books for you classroom library. Write “In Honor of the 2005-2006 Classroom Volunteers” and ask them to all sign the inside cover…

Or you can always have 2-3 students work on a card for each volunteer and have all the kids sign the cards with their cute baby scrawly signatures. Parents/grandparents/volunteers are suckers for that kind of thing. The math tutor would love a picture of herself helping students with a boarder of math symbols and numbers - I know it.

Personally... I remember the really nice notes more than the gifts.

And you have a WAY early start this year!

Oh, how I love Christmas! DH and I don't have too many to buy for and he is in charge of the men...or at least most of them.

Our niece is the only child we get to buy for so we usually adopt a child or two from some organization to buy for. One year I had a child in my class whose family was struggling big time (he had 2 other siblings). DH and I adopted them and it was sooooo much fun buying for them. We mailed everything from SANTA and I will never forget his face the first day back when he told the other kids about Santas special delivery!

As a teacher I understand Denise's hesitation when it comes to homemade goodies. I usually give them to DH who doesn't seem to worry about the "hands" used to make them

DH is a bus driver and our favorite gifts are gift certificates but we also LOVE special cards and pictures. I always struggle with what to give the volunteers in my room...any suggestions?

As for homemade gifts I am a stamper and one of my favorites to give is a package of different types of cards that anyone could use. I package them in cellophane bags. I would do this for my volunteers, but I have too many of them this year

I have a recipe for doggy treats that I want to make this year for the doggies in our life

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Originally posted by Bee:
Sandy
I LOVE the idea of the gift certificates for your dd! I hope you don't mind but I'm going to "steal" your idea for Cori ; )

Glad you like the idea. We made a great booklet that she can hold, "cash in" and look over.
I hope your dd likes it.

Part 1: Actually, I do have most of my Christmas shopping already done. A couple of things that DS wants Santa to get still but Santa will purchase those on the net....Santa has already bookmarked the pages

On DH's side of the family, only the children will draw names so I'll only have one gift to buy there.

On my side of the family, it is only my sister, BIL, 2 nephews, 1 niece-in-law, 1 great nephew & step-niece. My sister & I decided last year that we would only buy for the young children (my nephews are grown men). This worked out great for EVERYONE!!!

I already have purchased the gift for my great-nephew (LOL>>>He & my DS are only 2 yrs apart ). I will have to wait to hear what my great step-niece would like; she is a pre-teen and her tastes change from day to day.

DH & I usually purchase something that we both want together like something for our home, a trip or whatever.

One kink is that DH & I are both December babies so we have those gifts to deal with along with Christmas. I have no idea what to get DH for his birthday this year but hopefully he will start giving me hints soon.

Part 2: Do I make food gifts for the holidays?

NO. DS & I will have to fix some Christmas cookies and/or candy together though. The great thing about "made from scratch" is that you can control how big of a batch you make.

We will also be sharing what we make with others in our family....That sounds like a food gift, doesn't it? Well, I really consider it sharing since it will be there for anyone and everyone who would like some.

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Originally posted by mountaingirl:
The gift giving in our families is out of control and frequently thoughtless. I find it deeply sad to get thoughtless gifts. It makes me feel like garbage...

That is exactly why my sil and I said, "No more... this is crazy!"

Some people were upset to have the family tradition changed on them. dh said, "How dare the two of you change our family's traditions... and you didn't even grow up in the family!" But at this point, not one person would go back to the days of hurt feelings and out of control spending and gifting.

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Posted October 09, 2005 07:04 PM
Homework #1: Plan your Winter Holiday gift giving list now.

Excellent idea, Denise. I have never ever shopped before November, and I always always find the Christmas season dangerously stressful. Hmmm, perhaps that's no coincidence?

The gift giving in our families is out of control and frequently thoughtless. I find it deeply sad to get thoughtless gifts. It makes me feel like garbage when it is so crystal clear that a person in my family has gone the check-it-off route. I try very hard to be thoughtful, and we spend less than some others so the thought really REALLY counts. But being that thoughtful in a hurry stresses me out. And, I have GAD, so, stress is poison to my body. Think I'll try to start the ol' list, and I thank you for suggesting I do!

Homework #2: Do you make holiday food gifts? What do you make? Why?

One favorite homemade gift that was well received by the women in my families was vanilla. I found gorgeous little bottles (Pier One) and filled them with brandy and a vanilla bean. You have to attach a tag (get crafty and make it beautiful) that gives a date after which the vanilla can be used because it takes 3 months to age properly. So, if I made some today, it would be ready to use Jan, 10, 2006! Which is only a little while past Christmas. It's excellent when you give the vanilla with a box of kitchen stuff to a person who cooks (obviously).

My other favorite homemade gift is hot fudge sauce. I love to make it for hairdressers, coaches, and teachers, because it keeps well and usually is shared with their families.

This year I'm going to make my mil a sweater, which I've never done, because I know she will love that. I generally don't knit for people because it's hard to tell what someone will like and it would break my heart if a homemade gift of mine went unloved

Lynne

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Originally posted by Jen D:
My friends who are teachers all LOVE getting gift cards! They especially love getting cards for teacher supply stores so they can reinvest the money in the classroom (which benefits the children as well as their pocketbooks). Even a few $5 cards from different families are great b/c they add up so quickly.

I agree. I've read that the average teacher spends $800 of their own money on classroom supplies.

I know in our district we have to buy our own white board markers, the plastic sheets for the over head projector, pencils, pens, etc. etc.

Gift cards for teachers' supply stores or office supply stores are really appreciated.

My mom (who is a teacher) used to send fruit baskets to our teachers and for the bus driver. We got great citrus fruit from my grandparents in Texas, so she would put in an orange and grapefruit, and a couple of apples. She receives food gifts from students, but most get thrown away. The ones she keeps and that are available for family consumption are the treats from her German Baptist students and are worth the calories!

My friends who are teachers all LOVE getting gift cards! They especially love getting cards for teacher supply stores so they can reinvest the money in the classroom (which benefits the children as well as their pocketbooks). Even a few $5 cards from different families are great b/c they add up so quickly.

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Originally posted by Steph:
I am anxious to hear about what people plan on doing for gifts.

I always have a hard time with my FIL and BIL.

The adults in our family don’t exchange gifts any longer. We used to.

There are 11 adults and 8 kids on dh’s side of the family.

a. When you have 17 people buying at least one (and sometimes two) gifts for each other, you end up with a gross amount of packages around the tree. We are LITERALLY talking about 185+ packages. We used to go to mil’s condo. There was no place to walk. No place to sit.

It wasn’t even fun. It took hours and hours to open the gifts. DH’s family had this tradition where only one person opens a gift at a time and we all had to watch and ooooo and ahhhhh and then a photo was taken with the person and their gift. The kids were bored and were often reduced to tears.

b. We were all in the same boat as you… didn’t know what to buy for each other… none of us needed anything… We often gave gifts where the receiver needed/wanted to exchange.

c. We have some people in the family who are VERY well off - and we have some people who really can’t afford to buy 18 gifts. The financial part of it started becoming a strain and source of frustration. We set price limits for a while but some people went over. It was uncomfortable to receive a $95 sweater and to give a $10 book. My sil would assure me that it was ok and she saw that sweater and knew it was perfect for me and the price doesn’t matter… but it was still uncomfortable.

d. All of the shopping was done by the women… The shopping took hours and hours. I only have one sil who really likes to shop. It started being a dreaded chore for the rest of us.

We went to exchanging names for a couple of years and that was a GREAT way to cut back. In the past 5 or so years… the adults decided to stop exchanging. The kids exchange names. And that has worked out REALLY well!

It is really much more pleasant now. We sit and have conversations rather than this 4-5 hour present opening marathon. The financial burden is no longer there. If it really is the thought that counts… I’d much rather spend time with someone. I enjoy the holidays so much more and they are less stressful.

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Originally posted by cate:
(and Denise, the cookies are probably safe, having been baked and everything).

It was the frosting and decorations that weirded me out.

We are pretty much shopping all year lond. I bought my Dh present in June when I happened to pass by a store that had what I had been looking for on sale. We have a shelf in the closet that is a designated gift shelf and when we see things that our friends and family would liek we purchase it and keep it for birthdays and christmas. This is especially helpful for DD many birthday parties. I can often get craft projects and other toys in larger packages and then I just divide them up when the need arises.

As for baking, I am one of the fortunate ones, when I do my christmas baking I tend not to eat it. I guess when I am making 18 dz of butter tarts the smell gets to me and I am not at all enticed. I usually bake the entire month of december. I have an assortment of healthy and sugary treats. I have been doing this for so long now that my friends and family no longer bake for themselves.

Denise, I can understand the frustration you are feeling about receiving so many gifts from your students. I can only hope that we as a society can find another way to show our apprecitation to our teachers, caregivers, service people. Giving a gift has lost its meaning, most of the people I speak to jsut pick up whatever at the store because they are expected to give something. They write cards and give tips to the mailman, milkman, newspaper person etc.. because it is the thing to do.

Among my group of friends we have started donating to the persons charity of choice instead of buying them something else to clutter their home.

I used to make Christmas cookies and send batches out to people for Christmas. Like my mom's family. They would get together, but no-one would have been baking, so I know they appreciated the food. And then when I dated Dave, his family got some of the action, because his relatives were mostly elderly and didn't bake much.

I make "healthy" low-fat christmas baking for my dad, when he comes for Christmas.

Obviously this isn't going to happen unless I can find some good healthy wheat-free recipes.

Oh, and I also gave cookies to maintenance when I lived in an apt building. I didn't think giving them booze would be appropriate, didn't feel comfortable giving them money...

That being said, I've got big stress coming up, with the appearance of my mother on the horizon.
So I'm just working on decorating for Halloween.

Thinking ahead too much just makes me crazy, so I'm going to start thinking Christmas decorations and food around Thanksgiving. I am starting to think shopping, but don't have many people to buy for.

I do appreciate your dilemma Denise. I get this stupid box of so-called "treats" every year from a charity. And its mostly awful junk.

Can you donate some of the unopened stuff to a charity? Only eat the really good stuff? Or add some to a care package for a soldier?

(and Denise, the cookies are probably safe, having been baked and everything)

For shopping, as much as I'd like to start after Thanksgiving (when its "traditional" thanks to Teddy Roosevelt) I'm going to start looking now, as I have family members who are notoriously difficult to shop for.

Sandy
I LOVE the idea of the gift certificates for your dd! I hope you don't mind but I'm going to "steal" your idea for Cori ; )

First, we gave up holiday baking a long time ago. No one in our house needs it and my sil makes enough for an army and always sends much to me. Most of it goes to the neighbors.

Second, as far as gifts are concerned. I do the shopping, because I enjoy it. BUT then I also make the gifts unless they are of a wooden nature. So each person (there are only 14 of us) gets a store bought item, and a made thing.
My sons usually get clothing, which suits them fine (go figure) and now GC for some electronic things....we set a limit and then take the same amount and adopt a family from the Salvation Army with the other amount. If nothing else, it has taught my children it IS better to give than receive. Hopefully when they have families they will carry on the tradition.

I am anxious to hear about what people plan on doing for gifts. I about a month ago went to a jewerly/bead show and got all the ladies in my family their gifts. I even found some extra things yesterday for my mom and sister, some fun CDs.

I always have a hard time with my FIL and BIL.

But, I think one thing to do for teachers could be a magazine subscription or gift card to a bookstore.

I am doing homemade jelly/spread this year. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Cookies are TOO tempting for me.

Thanks for this homework Denise!

We do not do a lot for Christmas in terms of gifts.
This year we are trying something new for dd...she is getting a couple board games (Monopoly and Scrabble) but the rest of her gifts are certificates that dh already made. There is a great variety including:
Boulders Climbing Gym
Mimi golf- indoor
Movies
Dinner out at a "fancy" place
trip to a water park

As far as food gifts, I have done this in the past, but don't seem to have the urge this year. I might make small boxes of truffles, but no more. I often give jam (made this summer) along with teas. Again, things are pretty simple around holiday time.
Dh and I decided to do a trip as a gift to each other- probably in the spring- not sure.

I agree 110% Denise. No one needs more holiday cookies and candy!

I did get some healthy food gifts last year that were great - spiced tea blend and oatmeal/granola mix. Both yummy and healthy.

I already have my holiday shopping started. DD is almost done and what isn't bought is already on the "wish list" at Amazon. We have gifts picked out for most family members that will just require some internet ordering. We still need to come up with gifts for our parents so I need to work on that soon.

I absolutely detest shopping close to the holidays so if I'm not done by early November, I get antsy.

Thankfully this year it looks like we'll have one great holiday party at our favorite restaurant and then that's it in terms of parties. We'll have another Christmas which shouldn't have too many temptations.

Dh is already under instructions not to bring home any food gifts from work!