At the boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving in the Midwest, I was the THINNEST woman there. I wear a FOURTEEN. But it was a smaller size than any of the other women were wearing...and yet...they were kind, good-hearted women.
I am a Midwest gal. I am really smaller than most women here. I wear a 6/8. But when I go to Florida or NY, NJ I feel BIG. The women are smaller than I am. I am always struck by the contrast in size.
And...I agree with your post. There is NO WAY see how a person really is in her heart by looking at her dress size.
ALRIGHT WARRIOR WOMAN--you CARRY that sword with your bad-mama-jama-self!
i used to watch the View. Once, Joy Behar said "who says Fat is a bad word?? society? the media? take back the word and make it your own." (and then she slapped her hands together with such power!)
you rock diana!
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
I keep typing a response and deleting it, because I'm afraid it sounds too combative, or like I'm pointing at certain people, but...I'm not. It's just how I feel.
I think I'm at the first time in my life where honestly, if someone thinks I'm fat, I say, "Screw 'em." I'm brilliant. I'm generous. I'm funny. And finally, I'm comfortable in my skin--because that body got me through things I wasn't sure it could.
I feel bad for people who think "fat" is a putdown to others. Why would calling someone an adjective make you (the general "you") feel superior? Calling someone "brunette" or "Irish" or "short" isn't an insult...so why is "thin" or "fat"? It's a state of being, with no indication of the person within. I watch male friends pass up (what I think are) gorgeous, smart, funny women because they're "too fat" or "too skinny" or "too pale" or "too freckled." Eh, then you deserve to lose out, dude. Until you're the perfect specimen, refrain from trying to design the perfect woman.
My mom told me it was better to be smart than pretty.
But I don't think being happy with yourself means you can't dress in a way that makes you feel good and admire your body. I don't think being happy with myself means I can't use concealer under my eyes. It means that in my beauty, I know my blue eyes, fair skin, and dark hair are unusual, and I like that. So I draw attention to it. It means that I like being shaped like an hourglass, and I'll dress to accent that, without being vulgar or inappropriate.
And, to anyone who think Tyra Banks and JLH are fat...those curves on hourglass figures like theirs are NOT formed of muscle. I bet Catherine Zeta-Jones and Scarlett Johannsen (who are slim, yes, but curvy) also have dimples in their butts. I know I do, and have since...I dunno...19? 20?
Soon as Janice Dickinson is able to do a Hanes bra commercial that makes my boyfriend stare at the TV with a stupefied look on his face, I might give a rat's behind who she thinks is "fat".
AND..really, I'm almost done...
I've said before...here in Florida, I do believe I'm heavier than a lot of people...or feel that way because a lot of skin is shown for a lot of the year.
At the boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving in the Midwest, I was the THINNEST woman there. I wear a FOURTEEN. But it was a smaller size than any of the other women were wearing...and yet...they were kind, good-hearted women. Their weight had no bearing on the person inside. At size 0 or size 28, they opened their hearts and homes to us for the holiday. In my mind, that's infinitely more important than what some out-of-touch pseudo-celebrity thinks about weight (and that she'd feel qualified to judge someone else says a lot to me about the person inside).
Now, I'm going to go put high-quality, delicious food into my ample body and enjoy every bite until I'm full. Then I'm going to take my happy, adorable beagle for a walk and notice all the beauty that surrounds me.
Challenge Goals: *10 minutes of unplanned exercise five times a week *Gym time twice a week *Socialize at least once every two weeks.
Jennifer Love Hewitt made the cover of People in her "unflattering bathing suit" pictures. It's a great article though that basically discusses what we've been saying here.
Right next to People was this month's Shape which had a ridiculously skinny model on the cover and that didn't look close to being healthy.
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
I'm not silly enough to think she will be unscathed.
I take action in little ways.
We watch very little TV. We eat dinner together. We exercise together. We talk about what good things happened in our day. We cook together. We have lots of friends who love and care for us. We focus on healhty eating. We don't talk about body image problems in the media- we simply focus on more postive, healhful topics.
For now it is working well. Perhaps as time passes and we grow, my strategy will change, but I continue to be amazed with dd's sense of who she is.
I read a book recently where a young woman is faced with some tough life circumstances. A friend wonder how the young woman will cope. Her mother replys, "We built her strong."
Originally posted by jillybean: She talked about shopping with her teenage nieces and it being very painful that they wore these great looking white cut-off shorts and she could not and she couldn't understand why until she realized she was NOT 18. She was in her 30's and finally accepted that she would not ever have that body of her teen years again.
What's more, lots of teens NEVER have that "teen" body. I was a lumpy and flabby teen and these days there are lots of people that sure as heck don't have that teen body despite being in their teens. I'm actually beginning to think that kind of body is a complete myth for all concerned. (If I had ever tried to wear white cutoffs...shudder.)
****************** “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.”
Originally posted by kd: I'm working tirelessly to get another show on the air. Plan A has gone to Plan B and Plan B is now back to Plan A. 2008 is my television comeback. With your continued support and emails, I will be back on the air
I cannot say the name of the show we're shopping until I'm given an OKAY (it's a competitive world you know) but it will be very fun and chic and all about health and food.
There is SO much to reply to here that I don't even know where to start!
Denise-You really hit the nail on head when you say these problems are made up. They really are. And I never, ever thought about it that way until you said so here. You have really given me something to think about. I don't know one woman near or around my age that does not have cellulite, or some flab, bingo wings, etc. And why exactly are they portrayed as problems? Cellulite-while we may look at it on our own legs and think EEEKKK-really is no problem. It does not cause high blood pressure or high cholesterol or cancer. It is something we have on our bodies. And last time I checked, saggy boobs can be held up in the appropriate bra. Those same saggy boobs are not going to affect our health(well, I guess they can cause some back problems if they are big enough)-we do not need medication because of them, and they won't put us in the hospital for testing.
Here's another thing I realized. When I see cellulite on my own legs I think-yikes! I need to do something about that. But, I don't look at my friend Jennifer's cellulite and think-Yikes! She really needs to do something about that. I actually look at her and think-cool, she has it too(she is a size 6)!
And KD's comment about size 0 reporters-it does crack me up when they sit there with their perfect hair and make-up with concerned looks on their faces telling us how sad it is that our daughters are being bombarded with images of skinny models and "perfect" skin, hair, etc. I wonder if those reporters leave the set and go eat half a pepperoni pizza and some Christmas cookies-I would guess not because they too have to maintain that "media image".
And Cathy, you make a great point about enough is enough when you feel healthy and are healthy.
I have not ever been very successful at losing weight so I can't comment personally on when enough is enough. I wonder if once you reach a certain weight, does that then become not good enough? Because there is always someone thinner, prettier, wealthier, etc. I do think it can become a vicious cycle of losing and then losing more, and so on. I would just like to be at a healthy weight. I don't want to be skinny as a rail or weigh 118 like I did in high school. I had that image in my head for a long time. What helped me most was reading Rhonda Britton's book "Do I Look Fat in This" (I think that was the title). She talked about shopping with her teenage nieces and it being very painful that they wore these great looking white cut-off shorts and she could not and she couldn't understand why until she realized she was NOT 18. She was in her 30's and finally accepted that she would not ever have that body of her teen years again. Nor did she want to once she realized what she would need to do to maintain it(for anyone who read this book I apologize if I messed up her story-it has been a long time but I do remember her talking about this).
Okay, I could go on forever so I'm stopping now.
Jill
Summer Challenge Goals: 1) Walk 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week 2) Plan weekly menus
I responded to that thread on WW about "when is enough enough?"...The woman was tired of being on any program and thought after losing so much weight, but not to her goal yet, about 60 lbs away, that she should just give it up. I said I thought enough was enough when you are feeling healthy and being healthy, not always the same. Some so called experts call nothing but a very low weight on the scale and BMI healthy...but they don't take into consideration can you maintain this weight forever? I found a healthy choice for me, and when I get there, and stay there for 6 months, I'll re evaluate.
As far as the models are concerned, well, I want to see a size 16+ model consistently on the run way. Most women in America are 14-16 or more....those that are 00,0, 2, are slowly killing themselves in my thinking. That's not healthy. Until the people in charge of telling others what looks good, we will see women killing themselves to be that, and how horribly sad, that health isn't enough.
Summer Challenge Goals:
1. Get out of the house and in the pool four days a week. 2. Schedule meals a week at a time. 3. five fruits and vegetables a day, along with water.
Posts: 3426 | Location: Central USA | Registered: March 11, 2004
Originally posted by Brie: How did I personally buy into that crap? How do I temper that message for my dd?
I don't know the answer for me, either.
Realistically, nobody wants to be unattractive. Everybody wants to be attractive.
On the WW'ers boards... a lot of times people ask, "When do you know if you are thin enough?" (Which goes back to KD’s original post).
It is the same with beauty or clothes... when are you attractive "enough"?
I was thinking about when I first started teaching after school band (in 2000)… there were two women and about 12 guys. I remember thinking that guys had it sooooo easy and could get away wearing jeans and a tee shirt to “work” and look ok.
The other woman teacher wore Aloha shirts every day… it was sort of her “uniform”. I had about 4 guys button-down shirts and a couple pairs of kakis and dress shoes and wore those almost everyday. (and OCCASIONALLY I might wear a band tee shirt and jeans… )
Then I decided to “upgrade” … and I got a bunch of pants that are not jeans and a bunch of WOMENS’s polo shirts… and I thought I was doing really well. And felt pretty good.
AND THEN I turn on the stupid TV… and WHO is the next “guest” on “What Not Too Wear”? A teacher who wears kakis and polo shirts every day. OMG!! I thought I was doing really well… and find out that I’m STILL doing terrible.
And honestly, I NEVER thought about “creating” a waist and covering my figure “flaws” until I started watching WNTW… And on one hand… I don’t want to look “terrible” or like I just pulled any old rag off the shelf and put it on… but it is also a PITA to go shopping and to be thinking about the stupid WNTW “rules”…
And I suppose that it is TOTALLY ok to dress in order to cover “flaws”. I have a couple of tops that do create a waist and I like them a LOT. And I don’t want to dress skin tight so that all the cellulite dimples are actually visible (like duh... let me flaunt my flaws... I don't think so!). And what else are we going to call them… but flaws. I can’t think of another word for it. It isn’t a “flaw” or a “problem” or an “issue”. My lack of a waist REALLY isn’t a problem… but I do like how I look more when I create the illusion of a waist.
But I AM aware that this waist thing IS a made up problem. I think that the term “waist less wonder” is pretty recent. AND of course, it comes at a time when the HEATH problems of waist fat is a problem… that isn’t a made up problem. And I know that this pointing out of the waist “problem” HAS made me feel worse about myself… a little. But it has. And that is sad. Yet ANOTHER (perfectly normal and healthy) body part to feel about about and to put energy into "hiding".
Don’t know what to tell you.
Or… re: your dd… my ds got his hair cut at the beginning of school and he got in the car and I looked at him and said, “I don’t know how to tell you this… but you look like a girl”. Is looking like a girl a bad thing or a “problem”? No. But it wasn’t a good look for my ds… so then I hacked away at his hair… and that wasn’t an especially good look for him, either… but he was more happy with the mom hacked hair than the girl hair. But it only became a problem when I pointed it out…
You know what? I don't even WANT to be a 15 yo girl!! (apologies to all who have teen daughters)
I look at teens and I can't see where the enjoyment is. My teens were a pain. Most of my 20s were a pain. My 30s were great (with certain tragic losses but still good in the romance dept). Now I'm supposed to try and look like THAT?? No way!
Okay so I'm biased. Okay so it's sour grapes. Still. I want to be 30 for the next 50 years, not 15 and emaciated. I don't want to feel my rump bones when I'm sitting down.
****************** “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.”
I never really thought about it like that but you are absolutely right!
I don't know one woman my age who doesn't have at least something - wrinkles, celulite, lose skin, saggy boobs, etc... That's definitely the norm.
How did it become that the symbol of health and wellness is an emaciated 15 year old girl? How did we as a society, let that happen?
How did I personally buy into that crap? How do I temper that message for my dd?
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
Is there anything YOU can do? You have TV spots and air time - would it fit in to comment on this?
I'm sorry, you may already be doing a lot without my knowing, but I don't watch U.S. TV shows so I'm ignorant. I just figured you're in a great position to make a public statement...
I'm working tirelessly to get another show on the air. Plan A has gone to Plan B and Plan B is now back to Plan A. 2008 is my television comeback. With your continued support and emails, I will be back on the air
I cannot say the name of the show we're shopping until I'm given an OKAY (it's a competitive world you know) but it will be very fun and chic and all about health and food.
Until the show is airing on a channel near you, my media outlets include my website and blog, the Today show of course and other national shows I'm invited to appear on as well as the magazine and newspaper work I do.
Spreading the word is part of my vocabulary - I'm always weaving, good health, BALANCE and gracious gratitude for the health you, have into everything I do.
Thank you ALL for your continued support! Keep the faith & stay tuned!
Originally posted by Brie: it was just kind of nice to see that even the most glamours of movie stars still have to deal with the same issues the rest of us face.
Even calling cellulite an "issue" is a little nutty. Movies stars don’t have beauty “issues”. You and I don’t have beauty or figure “issues” or “flaws“ or “problems”. They are all manufactured and made up.
The ONLY reason I think that cellulite is “bad” or a “problem” or an “issue” is because of the media. Media and advertising MADE it a problem and then “educated” me about it. Somebody invented some cream and wanted to sell it to me… so they invented the “problem” of cellulite. If I had NEVER seen a TV show or ad or marketing campaign alerting me to the awful problem of cellulite, I seriously probably would have NEVER even thought twice about it.
Why are loose skin or cellulite or scars “issues”? Anybody lucky to live long enough is GOING to have loose skin, and a couple of scars. Anybody lucky enough to have enough to eat and be a healthy weight is probably going to have cellulite or some other “problem”.
These are manufactured problems. We learned about them in magazines. We learned that they were “problems” or “issues” to be dealt with. And the same magazines sold us the “solutions”.
I’m not immune either and the barrage of advertising and media… and it never occurred to me that not having a waist was an issue until I started watching “What Not To Wear” and learned… OMG! I need to “create” a waist because I don’t naturally have one and now when I go shopping I have yet one more STUPID “issue” I’m aware of and I‘m “supposed“ to “correct“ by buying the “right“ clothes… and 20 years ago… it NEVER occurred to me that I have this terrible figure flaw.
But realistically and seriously… you and I have no beauty or figure or bodily “issues”. They are made up. Somebody in the fashion industry CREATED this stupid waist problem for me. And stupid me. I bought it.
Do you look at your daughter and see her beauty and fashion “issues“?
Why critique yourself and call them “issues”? Seriously, we have no “issues”.
Originally posted by Brie: I have cellulite, loose skin, scars, etc... When do you ever see anyone in magazines with those things?
Probably, realistically most of us don't WANT to see these things on TV or in magazines. And it is also just keeping with some kind of "normal" societal idea of "beauty".
Until fairly recently, a HUGE percentage of the American (and the world) population had TERRIBLE scars... because cooking with wood stoves and fires was so dangerous and small children did a lot of the cooking and work. A HUGE percentage of the population had missing fingers and toes and limbs and eyes due to injuries or accidents and frostbite or infections gone bad because antibiotics were only available around the time of WWII. And teeth… let’s not talk about missing teeth.
But you don’t see these kinds of things in paintings… you see people with perfect glowing skin and all of their fingers… probably, mostly, because the average person couldn’t afford to have a portrait done…
Sort of funny because, 150 years ago… people would have KILLED to obtain the level of beauty that even the most average American women enjoys today. People would have LOVED to have scars that look as nice as mine.
Just the times we live in. We are probably some of the most “attractive” people in the history of human kind… and all have self image problems.
I wonder if women sat around 3,000 years ago and said, “I hate these stupid fat fertility idols!! Nobody can get that fat! Who are they kidding?!?!? Shoot, we are all starving and have lost so much weight, our periods have stopped and WHO do we idolize???? Some round fertillity icon with huge rolls of fat. This is insane!”
ROTLOL!
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
This is sort of sad, in a way... that we even spend one single second thinking about our body "imperfections". It is a shame that we don’t just consider ourselves “normal” or “healthy” or “happy” or some other positive adjective and don’t put any thought what so ever into how flawed we are.
Sort of sad that it takes a “bad” photo of actress to make us feel good abut our own selves.
It is sad, but in my case, if I'm being honest, it's true. I have celulite, loose skin, scars, etc... When do you ever see anyone in magazines with those things? (Jamie Lee Curtis being the exception in that one spread and possibly Oprah).
Yes, I know about airbrushing and touch ups but it was just kind of nice to see that even the most glamours of movie stars still have to deal with the same issues the rest of us face.
I really hate that all forms of media hold up this idea of beauty that just isn't true.
summer 7 challenge goals: - Meditate every day - Start the day with positive imagery and self talk Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
I've heard/read that most societies thru history have idolized a body type that is unattainable.
During the time when lots of curves and rolls of fat was thought beautiful… that body type was literally unattainable by MOST women because most people were scraping by and trying to get enough to eat just to survive and live past the age of 35 or 40.
Now a days, a BMI of 20 is practically unattainable… my WW leader says that some people do get that thin… but nobody (except for the mentally ill ones, who weigh in with wearing their coats with rocks in the pockets) maintains down there. Shoot, realistically MOST of America is having trouble achieving and maintaining a HEALTHY weight… never mind REALLY thin.
“Looking at how early man managed to find food to avoid starvation provides an insight into why it's important to measure and track food intake in today's environment. In early times, man faced food scarcity and deprivation on a daily basis—and genetically evolved to take advantage of eating wherever food was available.
In present times, however, food is everywhere. This scenario has been described as an "obesigenic environment" (e.g., obesity-promoting environment) by researchers because our bodies are still programmed genetically to eat when food is available.”
For some reason, it makes me feel better that researchers have dubbed our culture “obesigenic” and if you don’t watch out… it is sooooo easy to be overweight or obese.
Also, in some sort of twisted way, it almost makes sense that today’s idols are super skinny models and actresses.
I wonder if women sat around 3,000 years ago and said, “I hate these stupid fat fertility idols!! Nobody can get that fat! Who are they kidding?!?!? Shoot, we are all starving and have lost so much weight, our periods have stopped and WHO do we idolize???? Some round fertillity icon with huge rolls of fat. This is insane!”
