I started a class today towards a degree in Hotel, Restaurant, and Institutional Management! It is one of many classes I will need to take towards my degree (I already have an Associate's Degree and am hoping a lot of my general classes are accepted for transfer). It is an Intro to Hospitality Management course and I am the oldest person there (except for the guy teaching the class). That was the most intimidating thing for me was the age difference! I am very nervous, but very excited. I'll keep you all posted on my progress!
Jill
This message has been edited. Last edited by: jillybean,
Goal for next 6 weeks:
Go to the gym 3x/week for a minimum of 45 minutes each time
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
Wanted to post a request for good vibes...I just sent a resume in for an internal transfer within my current company that would be much closer to home and out of the crazy stuff I'm dealing with now. Probably the best shot I've had so far this time around on the search so any sort of good thoughts you can send my way would be very appreciated!
Here you go Jill. I have been a member of Liz's online community for years (even before it was it's current incarnation) so that is how I found her. Please tell her I sent you if you decide to pursue it.
Peg-I will definitely look into finding some sort of job coach. Thanks-and I so hope for you that you find a new and great career.
I just saw this morning that my coach is starting another virtual group soon so let me know if you want that info.
Hang in there girl. You'll work this out. I know you will.
Peg
Thanks, and yes, I'd love to know when the group starts. How did you find your career coach? I've done a Google search and found 2 places locally that do career counseling. I hate to go on a Google search for something so serious, but I guess it's a place to start. Funny, my job is helping people find jobs, and here I am having zero idea what I want to do.
One person that I think of often when I think about the career change is Laura(coastergirl). She is working so darn hard at her degree to make a career change and I admire that so much. I want to be there-knowing what direction I am headed in.
I have a number of different career paths in mind. These careers could not be any more different from each other than hot and cold(I don't know if that makes sense but at 12AM, that's the best I can come up with). Two of them are more or less things I love to do in and around my own home. Then I think-what if these became a career? Would I love them just as much? Then I think of other things I'd enjoy doing daily, and I think-is that possible? How would I afford that? Most of these "other things" involve owning my own business, which is my ultimate dream. This is also what feeds my fears. Until I become educated or experienced enough in certain fields to own my own business-will I be too old to do it? Ugh-the fear. If I could get rid of that darn fear, I'd be golden.
Jill
Goal for next 6 weeks:
Go to the gym 3x/week for a minimum of 45 minutes each time
Thanks everyone for your support and ideas. I'm not feeling a whole lot better, but I am trying very hard to do something by the end of the week to get me started on the path to leaving this job. I keep telling myself that I am not too old to start something new. I am reminding myself when the fear creeps in that if I don't do something NOW, I could end up here another 5 years, or worse, the rest of my working life. I was sitting here last night thinking what it would be like to not do this job anymore. I imagined myself doing other jobs and I started feeling happy and excited about the future. Now, I just need to figure what the heck it is I want to do. And I'm not even shooting for a job that I absolutely love and can't wait to get up in the morning and go to. I would be thrilled with a job that I like, that I am motivated to do.
Thanks again to all of you for your kind words.
Peg-I will definitely look into finding some sort of job coach. Thanks-and I so hope for you that you find a new and great career.
Goal for next 6 weeks:
Go to the gym 3x/week for a minimum of 45 minutes each time
Hey Jill, How was your day? Hope it went better than expected. I thought of you all day today. Wish that meant I had some brilliant suggestion for you but it does mean I care and was hoping the day was ok.
maria shriver was on oprah show, and she talked about her mother's sage advice...that we have the entirety of our lives to do what we want to do.
having come from a tough dad, i used to feel like such a failure at every birthday. by now, at this age (whatever it was), I should have accomplished A B and C. as an adult, i continued to impose these rules upon myself. and it has taken a lot of internal work for me to try to alter my thinking. those issues still come back to haunt me, believe me. if only eunice shriver had been my mother, maybe i would have followed my own instincts better.
as for hating a job, i understand. i used to fantasize about my office buildling engulfed in flames as i drove to work. not just monday morning--every morning. and during my depression years, i was working at this job. my disordered eating started during this time period, and the subsequent increase of 4 dress sizes followed. so yes, i understand how this all affects you on so many levels. i hear you girl. i send you much love and empathy. keep posting. we love you.
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
Jill, I first want to THANK YOU for posting. The ladies posted thoughts that I needed to hear too and I also can totally relate to your post and hear things in there that I need to address myself. I woke up this morning, a day off, already dreading going back to work TOMORROW. It's 8 freaking am. I hear you, I really do hear you. I'm not crying...yet...but it's still a crappy thing to think the moment you open your eyes on a day off.
My brother said something similar to me years ago. It hurt my feelings too and has given me pause but I eventually realized that that is his personality/comfort zone and I don't live there in any way, shape or form and he just doesn't 'get' me. I totally agree with Susan and Brie in that it just isn't the way of the world anyway anymore. I'm already on my 3rd career (if you could call what I did between #1 and #3 a career) at 42 so I definitely don't think you have anything to be worried about.
I was at a networking lunch on Thursday and I felt sort of ridiculous because I was the only employed one besides the job coach! They however were just glad to hear someone was employed. I want a new job, crappy economy or not so I'm going to keep working on it.
I find it really hard to work on a job search and work full time. I'm struggling to get stuff done. I have gotten a lot out of this job search group though because it has helped me get a little more focused and at least spend some time every week on the issue. You might look around and see what you can find in your area. My job coach is doing a virtual group too so there are resources out there. It's a classic silver lining of this economy...lots of resources available in lots of formats for job searching.
Originally posted by jillybean: But I've been in an industry that I hate for almost 20 years now.
Is there something wrong with me that I can't just like my job? I feel like I'm just whining and maybe I should just suck it up.
A family member whom I have great love and respect for said to me "you know, at some point you need to find a job and stick with it, you can't keep jumping around". That hurt me a lot and made me feel like I was a loser.
The text I quoted above are the things that struck me most in your message, Jill. In the words of my dear friend, Denise, "Warning, long post ahead."
As a retiree of 1 year, I can tell you that my mindset has shifted from when I was a Type A, 10 1/2-hour-day, stressed out, overworked Govt. employee. I'm now more in the "life's too short to..." mode.
I'll give you a silly example. I play games on a website called Pogo.com. They have these weekly badges, and some of them are fun and easy to get and some of them are like pulling teeth and mind-numbingly boring and can take all week to get. For months, I went along with the crowd like a lemming, spending hours every week going after these badges. And then one day I was playing a particularly stupid game for a badge and I said to myself "What the HELL are you doing? You HATE this game. You are BORED by this game. So why are you sitting here spending 2 hours of your day playing this ridiculous game?" I went into the guestbook on my account and I wrote "Life is too short to spend hours playing games that I hate." I did that because I wanted it to be a signpost for me...every time I was tempted to get sucked back into a game that I didn't like just to get a badge, I could say...oh yea...THAT's why I'm not going to do it.
Point being, life is too short to be miserable doing what you're doing for 40 (or however many) hours per week. Having worked for the Govt. for 37 years, I know that the reality is that MOST people don't love their jobs. The ideal is to love your job and feel fulfilled and all that lovely Oprah Magazine stuff, but I don't think that is the reality for most Americans. Most people I know--whether they work for the Fed. Govt., the State Govt., a doctor's office, retail store, etc.--tolerate their jobs to make a living. They may not be supremely UNhappy but they aren't supremely HAPPY either.
I think it is part of the American experience to dread Monday mornings and to look forward to Friday afternoons, so I don't think you're THAT far off the mark in that respect. However, when you are crying Sunday night thinking about Monday morning, yea...then I think you've crossed a line. And every Sunday night you cry or feel miserable and don't do anything about it, you are letting yourself down and then THAT becomes (whether consciously or unconsciously) part of what you're crying or feeling bad about on Sunday nights.
Another example (I said this was going to be a long post, didn't I? LOL). When I retired, I went right to "work" as a volunteer for the State Govt. The job sucked, but they needed help and it was an easy-peasy job for me whereas for some it was too overwhelming, so I helped. It helped me to have the structure of dressing up and going to and office. It helped me transition from being a full-time worker to a retiree. It served its purpose. But I was starting to have those Sunday night blues...for a job I wasn't even getting PAID for. My friends were asking me "WHAT are you DOING? If you don't enjoy it, and you're not getting paid for it, why are you still doing it?" So every week that I went to that job and didn't take steps to extract myself, I started feeling worse about MYSELF in addition to feeling bad about the job. So in Feb. of this year, I reduced my hours per week and changed my work hours to not inconvenience myself so much and that helped a lot. But not enough. I was still miserable. As the economy got worse, the job got worse exponentially. I finally just quit last month...or rather "took an extended leave of absence." I miss the people. I miss the structure. But I do not miss the feeling of dread every Sunday night.
ALL of that said, I completely understand anyone who is almost 40 having reticence or fear about changing career paths. It's scary! When you have been doing something for so long, you are an expert at it--it is second nature to you--and when you start doing something new, your ego takes a hit because you are no longer the 20-year expert, you are the newbie.
A lot of my self-confidence was wrapped up in my Govt job, so leaving it? Whew. Scary. But you know, I just finally got to a place where the misery of being there outweighed the fear of leaving there. That's why I retired. I realized...yea, it's scary out there...will I adapt to retirement? What will I do? Will I become depressed like my mother did?...but where I am now is crushing my spirit, so I have to make that leap of faith.
As for the "job-hopping" thing, I can't relate personally because I was only in 2 basic jobs my entire 37-year career, but I can certainly understand how what your family member said would sting. But you also have to remember that, if it was an older family member, our previous generations were generally people who did 1 job their whole lives. That is not the norm now.
Anyhow, sorry for the long post, but I hope it has given you some food for thought and I hope that you will find the answer--whatever it may be for you--and can move on to a happier place.
September Challenge Starting Goals:
1. Change after-lunch cookie or Dove Promise to fruit at least 3 days per week.
2. Get back to having dinner (which for me is a light meal or snack, not a full meal) by 6-6:30 p.m.
3. When having after-dinner dessert, have it by 8 p.m. then nothing but water after 8 p.m.
Posts: 7791 | Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE | Registered: March 12, 2004
Big hugs from my Jill! I echo Susan's sentiments about never feeling badly about posting.
It's wicked hard to leave a job that offers security and predictability no matter how much you don't like it. I remember in college in one of my classes reading about the psychological stress of change on people, even stuff the is perceived as really, really good change is still interpreted as stress by the body. Throw in the current economy to the mix and I totally get struggling.
I also agree with Susan about not heeding that family member's advice. By age 40, most folks have held multiple jobs and various places and I can't even begin to count the number of people I know that have made a total career change.
Are you still sending out resumes and interviewing? Even if you aren't getting any bites at least doing something proactive might help???
Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
Hi Jill. Please don't ever feel bad about posting your frustrations here -- anything that gets in the way of your enjoying a healthy lifestyle is fair game.
I could have written your post myself 18 months ago. Yes, I definitely cried lots of Sunday nights because I just didn't want to go to work on Monday! Ultimately, my situation is different because I was able to just leave my job and become a stay-at-home mom, but I do think it required similar soul-searching. Believe me, it was hard to admit that I just didn't want to do my job any more. It was so much a part of who I was and I felt like I'd be a half a person if I couldn't say I was a corporate communications specialist. But I've been amazed how many of my friends and even casual acquaintances have commented on how much more relaxed and happy I suddenly seemed after I quit. So I hope you will find the courage to start looking for something new.
My advice is to take at least one step this week, however small. Even if you just get a copy of "What Color Is Your Parachute?" (or whatever the latest career guide is) from your local library, do one thing that gets you closer to finding your new calling.
And as for your well meaning relative and the "find a job and stick with it" comment -- that advice is hopelessly out of date! It is by far the norm to stay in a job five years or less in this new age. I wish I could remember the exact statistic, but I'm pretty sure that the average worker makes three career changes in a lifetime. Not job changes, career changes. The days of the lifelong career with one company are way over! I know you love and respect this person, but you need to clear that statement out of your head. And don't let it hold you back or make you feel like a loser.
Come back and let us know what step you decide to take.
I've been debating on posting here or not. I've been choosing not to because I feel like I've been hating my job for so long now(and I've posted about it here) and yet I'm still doing the same thing, a year (or several years) later. I'm embarrassed that I've done not one darn thing to get out of my job and into a career that I enjoy. Don't get me wrong-during these economic times, I am thankful to even have a job. But I've been in an industry that I hate for almost 20 years now. It is wearing on me now more than ever. Tonight I came close to crying-and I don't think that's normal when it comes to a job, right? I know a lot of people don't like what they do, but does it bring them to crying every Sunday night?
Here's the thing (or things): I have ZERO idea what to do or where to start. I had a few ideas of what I might like and when I start to think "Yes, this is what I want to do" I seem to be taken over by this terrorizing fear that tells me "it won't work, you can't do it". My close friend and co-worker for many years who recently retired from the same job as I hold tells me every time we talk "you have to leave". She tells me that every day she wanted so badly to leave and find something else but that fear kept her from ever doing anything else.
Is there something wrong with me that I can't just like my job? I feel like I'm just whining and maybe I should just suck it up. I have something stuck in my head that someone said to me years ago and it is one of the things that holds me back too. I was miserable at the place I worked(same industry as now, just a different type of job) and I was interviewing to work somewhere else. A family member whom I have great love and respect for said to me "you know, at some point you need to find a job and stick with it, you can't keep jumping around". That hurt me a lot and made me feel like I was a loser.
I just needed to dump that all out here. I just don't know why I can't be happy with the job I have and the fact that I have a steady paycheck. I hate that every Sunday night I feel this way. I live for Friday afternoon, because that is when my work ends for 2 1/2 days. I want to enjoy my life, not push through it just to make it to the weekend to get away from my job.
I know too that being this unhappy is certainly NOT helping me in the eating/exercise areas. I have zero desire to workout and most of the time could care less what I eat.
I feel bad for sounding so negative and putting it all out there. I just don't know what to do. I feel like at almost 40, where am I going to go or what am I going to do? I know 40 is not old but I feel like I'm in this job for the long haul.
Jill
Goal for next 6 weeks:
Go to the gym 3x/week for a minimum of 45 minutes each time
