Are there any assumptions you have about yourself that might not be true?
Because of a sticker on my car and that I was grocery shopping in the early afternoon, a woman yesterday assumed I 1) was married to a man in the military, 2) didn't work, 3) voted a certain way.
Those were some pretty broad assumptions to make because of a sticker! The sticker is mine--because I work on the base. I'm NOT married. And how I vote really wasn't her business at all.
It struck me how I was making assumptions, too, about other people. I love looking in other people's grocery carts and trying to figure out what they're buying for and why (one man, in a t-shirt, swimsuit, and flip flops, was buying puff pastry dough, toilet paper, wine, and granola bars).
What negative assumptions do you make about yourself that may not be true? Are there labels you put on yourself that do more harm than good? Some I've seen lately in posts: I'm a worrier, I always react badly to <situation>, I'm a stress eater, I can't do <action>, I'm no good at <action>....
See if you can catch any of those today. I already did this morning. "I'm not a breakfast-eater." Well, I do eat breakfast, nearly every morning. Why would I think, then, that I don't? Because it makes it easier to skip it, and then justify overeating later in the day? Because it's early and I just don't want to get out of bed so that I have time to eat? "I'm not a breakfast-eater" is just untrue and unhelpful.
Challenge Goals: *10 minutes of unplanned exercise five times a week *Gym time twice a week *Socialize at least once every two weeks.
I think that most of the things I think about myself or assume others think of me are more than likely not accurate. There are so many things that I think about myself, many are negative. I sometimes feel guilty when I start thinking that I really look good. I'm not sure why. One of the worst assumptions I have about myself is that I'll never be thin (or at least at a comfortable weight). This probably comes from years and years of trying/failing. I am making an attempt to break through that negative thought process and tell myself that I can do it. I have started focusing more on my health vs. the number on the scale and also going by how my clothes fit.
Because I live in "the city" as the suburbanites call it, I assume that people think I am either A)living in poverty or B)am not as worthwhile as others. The city I live in has a bad rep-crime, drugs, just like any other city. But there is this perception from those who live outside the city that anyone who lives there is trash. I cannot stand this way of thinking. I really hate to tell people where I live because the response is usually "OOHH"! Like, OMG-you must be joking! I have come across a number of people who, when I say I live in the city, they say oh, and that's it. If I said I lived in X suburb, I know the conversation would continue on about what neighborhood, kids activities, etc. Our school district of course has the same bad rep. When I say where my dd goes to school I always get that very "sympathetic" sounding "oh" and people are always saying "you need to move". Why? I like my house, and most of my neighbors and there is a beautiful park across the street. I hate that based on my address, people make major assumptions about me/my family.
As far as my body image, because I don't like the way I look, when I go out somewhere I automatically assume people are judging me. "Why is that fat chick wearing a sleeveless shirt?" stuff like that. I am trying to stop that negative talk in my head when it starts. I keep my body covered in all the right places. I don't show off my belly, or wear skin tight clothes that are inappropriate for not only my age but my size. I really try to have my hair fixed and make-up on and nice clothes when I go out somewhere. I am trying to tell myself that if someone does give me the "once over" when I am out and about that they are thinking "wow, she really looks good"-regardless of my size! And maybe they are thinking something negative about me but I will never know that and i'd rather tell myself something positive rather than beat myself up.
Jill
Summer Challenge Goals: 1) Walk 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week 2) Plan weekly menus
Originally posted by D in St Pete: Ahem. The homework is not just to beat yourself up (you know who you are), but also to TURN THAT SELF-DOUBT INTO A POSITIVE MESSAGE.
OK, OK, I'll work on it. But if I end up quitting my job today, DH will want to talk to you.
Here's a story that's only partly about assumptions, but I still want to share it with you.
I'm what you'd call an eternal student. I began my current studies in 1993, was sidetracked in 1997 by family and personal issues, and fell off the academic planet for almost 10 years. In 2005 I was convinced I would/should drop out completely, but didn't. Before, I had been a successful student, but somehow I had turned into someone who was convinced she couldn't swing it. I would sign up for classes and then drop out.
This semester I signed up for a class taught by faculty study counselors. Their aim was to encourage eternal students like me to get their butts in gear and overcome the mental hangups that were keeping them from getting their work done. As a result of that nudge, I'll graduate this month.
My old assumption was that I can't get anything done. My new assumption is that I just might be able to get some things done after all.
****************** “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.”
Ahem. The homework is not just to beat yourself up (you know who you are), but also to TURN THAT SELF-DOUBT INTO A POSITIVE MESSAGE. Get crackin, people. Don't make me do more tough love. It's not my favorite thing.
(See that? Not "I don't do tough love very well," but "It's not my favorite thing." Subtle difference, but I'm not insulting myself with the second one.)
Challenge Goals: *10 minutes of unplanned exercise five times a week *Gym time twice a week *Socialize at least once every two weeks.
i can tell when i allow those assumptions to get the better of me. i start getting irritable and feeling really bad about myself. i find myself saying "you are ok. you are good enough. just breath." that is the sure sign that i am not in a good place.
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
I've been getting much better with this but I still have some that I'm holding on to:
I went on a 10 mile run this morning and despite it being a "good" run physically and emotionally for me, as I past the homes of my two friends that also run, I started some negative self talk about how my fat thighs will never be long and skinny like theirs and that I don't look like a runner.
There are lots of others but that's the one I caught so far today which quite frankly, sucked because d*mn it - I ran a strong 10 miles this morning when I few years back I would have collapsed after 1/8th of a mile. I should feel proud, not worried about comparing myself with thinner friends.
I'm also guilty of judging others in restaurants and the market. I get especially bad if it's a family with overweight kids as well as parents who are loading their carts with cr*p. Although not that I would ever say anything out loud.
Out of our beliefs are born deeds; out of our deeds we form habits; out of our habits grows our character; and on our character we build our destiny.
Most of my assumptions about myself are probably false. Even the good ones. Sigh. What a waste.
Is there a cement cubbyhole free somewhere?
******** I've done the "long look at fat chick snarfing goodies" - and I wish I hadn't. At the time, I remember thinking, "Good thing for her she can eat what she wants and not care how it looks", but I probably looked like I was thinking something rude. She could very well have been eating HER weekly (not daily) treat.
****************** “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.”
Originally posted by iz: GIRL! If you were next to my cement cell, i would send you little morse code messages by tapping on the wall.
Yes! If I had gobs of extra money and time I would hire a trainer to kick my a$$ a few times a week- til I am dripping in sweat and exhausted. (I just don't push myself that hard.) Maybe you'd train me by tapping on the wall!
I seem to be making a lot of assumptions about myself professionally lately -- as in, when I read job postings, I think "I'm not qualified to do that..." Or "they wouldn't even look at my resume..." Or any number of other reasons not to bother applying.
Also along those same lines, I keep telling myself that my writing isn't good enough for me to consider quitting my job to work on a novel I've started and abandoned I don't know how many times.
My messages usually come when I think I have failed at losing the lbs. Like today, I assume that I have gained, when there is a greater possibility looking back over the week that I have lost. But I will build myself up for a gain, and then be ever so surprised to see a loss. I hope.
But when I gain, it's still a big deal, and I will take the forty lashes and assume that I have done the mortal sin thing. Not remembering all that I have learned about meds, stress and eating....I know it's my fault, not these other things in my life.
Thanks for reminding me.
It's never too late to get it right.
Posts: 3454 | Location: Central USA | Registered: March 11, 2004
Its funny, this homework, because I was in Target this morning, buying an Internet Wireless Router, and I was basically hit on by the store manager, in a cute, flirty way.
But right before that I had seen myself in a mirror and said "eeeew".
It really pays to challenge your self-perceptions. And to be reminded of the fact sometimes guys see a pretty woman, no matter how you see yourself.
GIRL! If you were next to my cement cell, i would send you little morse code messages by tapping on the wall.
for much of my life, i thought the reason i recevied all of these terribly helpful messages was because i came from a very strict and unforgiving chinese family. i have come to realize that being chinese has little to do with it. i think it is more like: Equal Opportunity Screwed Up Messages. It knows no race or ethnicity.
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
I'm terrible at math (includes financial matters).
I'll always be fat (not a conscious assumption, but certainly a subconscious one).
I'm too set in my ways to have a successful romantic relationship.
I'm addicted to food.
I'll never be successful at housekeeping (or housekeeping will never come naturally to me like it does to somem people).
I'm a couch potato.
I had an "aha" moment several years ago after I first lost weight on this journey. My treat was to go to Chili's once a month and order a burger and fries and eat half of each. I was sitting there eating and judging what other people in nearby booths were eating. Someone gave me sort of a down-the-nose look --a look I perceived to mean "Fat chick snarfing down a burger and fries--how typical." and it shocked me to my senses.
I thought "They don't know that I'm only going to eat half of this or that this is a treat that I only have once a month. They think I eat like this every day. And here I am making judgments about what they are eating, and *I* am assuming that they eat like that every day. I am doing what I hate being done to me!"
Posts: 7218 | Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE | Registered: March 12, 2004
i called my mom in taiwan last weekend. my auntie took the phone and weanted to speak to me (oh God help me) and of course, i am constantly asked how much money i make, why i have wasted my life in a low paying job, why i have wasted my education...etc etc etc....oh but by the way, we love you isabel and you need to call more often.
it is remarkable that i am not in a cement room with no windows.
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
starting to tackle financial planning has brought to the surface so many assumptions about money and value. for instance, my parents came here as immigrants with the mentality that life is all about suffering, and God forbid you take any leisure time for yourself or you might lose your shirt. and no matter what-- never stop working. work is not about meaningful things--it is supposed to suck. and we certainly will never be wealthy.
i also have the fat girl thinking. i continue to be shocked that i can wear my clothing size. when i look in the mirror, i see the imperfections and not the progress (altho i am getting better with this).i have been working hard at loving/accepting my body as it is. i don't think i ever got messages from my childhood that i was fat. i was told i was pretty, no doubt. but it is the perfectionism that kills me. i was definitely expected to be better than the rest. this was the standard my dad held himself to so it was also my standard. i remembver feeling terribly stressed out at age 7-8. i am sure that is why i started getting gray hair at age 12-13.
Goals: 1. Stop thinking like a chronic dieter and start living to inspire. 2. HALT (hungry, anxious, lonely, tired) I will stop and tune in with myself should I experience these things, and respond with something healthy. 3. One word 2008: courage 4. Eat slow and mindfully.
You're what I'd call someone who enjoys learning and the cooperative yet competitive atmosphere of school.
