Ok, I have a new secretary. We started working together last week, which was one of our busiest weeks of the year. I should add that she works for 3-4 people and I am a paralegal and not an attorney.
Things fell apart on Friday. (I didn't really realize it until Monday.) I was very frustrated yesterday, and she thinks I yelled at her. (I honestly don't think I started out by yelling at her, but when she told me I said I didn't need what I was asking her about I think I yelled "WHAT?! I never said that, I never would say that."
Anyway, I think it has turned into a pissing contest and she's trying her darndest to throw me under the bus and make it seem like I am at fault somehow.
I have never had problems like this with anyone at work and don't know how to even handle it. I am only going to be here a couple of more months, but until then my work still needs to be done timely and correctly.
My boss said to just cc her and to cc the secretary supervisor on everything to cover myself, but then in her responses she is fabricating things.
Has anyone had to deal with this kind of stuff before? How did you handle it?
Dawn
"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have to set yourself on fire." anonymous
Posts: 4329 | Location: Indianapolis, IN | Registered: March 15, 2004
Bleh. Sorry, Dawn. I wish I had good words, but stomping, crying, and general loud venting of my issues (aka yelling) has helped me sometimes. Obviously, where and when you choose to participate in these behaviors should be a consideration.
But, hey, we're all here, so feel free to vent via typing, too.
Challenge Goals: *10 minutes of unplanned exercise five times a week *Gym time twice a week *Socialize at least once every two weeks.
Originally posted by Tayhudson: My boss said to just cc her and to cc the secretary supervisor on everything to cover myself, but then in her responses she is fabricating things.
If your boss suggested this, it may be that he/she is aware that this secretary is a problem and is looking to create a paper trail to justify taking action. So I would do just what your boss recommends, and maybe learn a few yoga breathing techiniques for when the secretary's fabrications get under your skin, because you are better able to control your reaction to her than her reaction to you.
alli
That is exactly what it is. She (my boss) had reservations about her from the get go. She didn't leave another deparment and come to ours. She was assigned to 2 attorneys and a paralegal. My former secretary left last week, and this was shortly after the paralegal that worked for my current secretary retired.
So, she is still working for the 2 attorneys that she worked with before and now me. She has always worked in a different area of law, and I'm sure that even though she said she is willing, that she is being resistent to change.
I know I should just "suck it up" and not let it get to me since I'm going to be gone. I just don't like confrontation, and I don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells to get my secretary to do what needs to be done.
Dawn
"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have to set yourself on fire." anonymous
Posts: 4329 | Location: Indianapolis, IN | Registered: March 15, 2004
Yes, I have been in that situation. Unfortunately, my situation was a new principal. I didn't survive, but I backed up everything through conferences with my Special Ed supervisor and took and kept copious notes - which I still have.
It's going to be the basis for my book - [I}The Principal of it all[/i]
Good Luck, Dawn. Not an easy place to be, even if you are not going to be there much longer.
Originally posted by Tayhudson: My boss said to just cc her and to cc the secretary supervisor on everything to cover myself, but then in her responses she is fabricating things.
If your boss suggested this, it may be that he/she is aware that this secretary is a problem and is looking to create a paper trail to justify taking action. So I would do just what your boss recommends, and maybe learn a few yoga breathing techiniques for when the secretary's fabrications get under your skin, because you are better able to control your reaction to her than her reaction to you.
alli
Fall goals: 1. Bike 40-50 miles a week 2. Prepare new garden bed for next season 3. Heal my back
Posts: 732 | Location: Jersey Shore, USA | Registered: March 11, 2004
Dawn, Sounds stressful. I am also in favor of CYA. Document, document and then document.
And...take this all with a grain of salt. You are in a transition. The attorneys there KNOW you are a great paralegal and will (I'm sure) be happy to write you great letters of rec. You get to leave this manipulative woman behind shortly.
I know I might be a dissenting voice, but you did ask...so, here goes:
You're not going to be there that much longer. If you think this situation has the potential to die down if you let her "win", then do it. Be gracious, pleasant, and downright LIKEABLE. Give her no ammunition (though I realize she'll make it up if she needs to), and absolutely nothing to complain about...what boss will really take seriously a "She's TOO nice!" complaint?
I've had a problem like that everywhere I've worked (except this job). It's always a bully who thinks that because I'm quiet and nice, I'll be a pushover as well. I know who they'll be from the first day. I am super nice, super sweet, super cover-my-ass about EVERYTHING with them. "Oh, you're so sweet to think that I'd be good at <doing your job>, but I've got so much on my plate right now. Let me ask <supervisor> if we can shift some of my stuff so I can help you out with <the project you should have finished two days ago>."
It sucks. It's not fun. I *hate* office bullies. In fact, it may do you some good to Google terms like that, and do some reading about other strategies for dealing with <ahem> "difficult" people. I'm sorry you're having to go through it.
And when she makes stuff up, it's probably mostly to get a rise out of you. If it won't accomplish anything to address it (other than make her think, "Mwahahahah!"), then don't. Let it go. Let her have the last word, even if it's wrong. If your bosses know what you're doing, they'll know she's full of crap, too.
If she's verbally abusive and impeding your ability to do your job, of course you should talk to the people who can do something about it. But really, she wants to "win". So let her. Over and over and over, with you looking like the bigger and better person every time.
Challenge Goals: *10 minutes of unplanned exercise five times a week *Gym time twice a week *Socialize at least once every two weeks.
I would absolutely go to your HR manager and have the two of you meet with her together. That is a sticky situation.
On a side note, I will also tell you how my husband handles similar situations with people who are hurtful or dishonest. It is great because it leaves them with their mouth open and little to say in response.
He says " I live by two commandments, want to know what they are? The first is to love the Lord my God with all my heart. The second is to love my neighbor. If I have ever done anything at all to offend you, it was not intentional and I certainly apologize. I hope we can be on better terms."
Posts: 1383 | Location: West Florida | Registered: March 12, 2004
If she's not new to the firm, then perhaps this problem is not new either. Do you know who she was working for before you and do you feel comfortable enough talking to that person in confidence about the problem? If so, that might be helpful. My secretary stayed in the agency after she left me and I hear that her new office is having many of the same problems that we had with her here.
I haven't had this exact situation but I have had a few contentious situations with staff, esp. when we were all new to one another and didn't know or trust one another yet, so I know how much of a negative influence this kind of situation can be not only on your work but on you personally.
I was a first-time supervisor when most of mine were going on and it wrecked me emotionally because I took a lot of it on as my fault for being a bad supervisor...when it turned out that the 3 people I was having problems with have continued to be problems (in one way or another) after they left me.
Personal Healthy Habits Challenge - 10/1 to 12/31/08: 1. Exercise: Get back to consistently working out 3-5 X week. 2. Food: Get back to consistently preparing healthy lunches for the week with increased veg servings. 3. Behavior: Reduce intake of sweets.
Posts: 7346 | Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE | Registered: March 12, 2004
I would echo Brie's comment. I don't think that anything can be solved on the internet or in an e-mail, those messages can be so messed up by inflections where there were none. Right up what you see and hear is the problem, your side of it, with no conjecture about her behavior. Ask for a meeting with your direct supervisor and depending on how that goes, ask for one with the three of you, with the super acting as the middle person. That's their job, that's part of what they get paid for.
The good news is that you have an already great relationship started with the people in your office, I am thinking she is new according to your message here. Reputation has a lot to do with how these things will go.
Good luck, don't obsess...just be straight forward and honest, and don't point any fingers. The righteous person usually comes out on top.
It's never too late to get it right.
Posts: 3473 | Location: Central USA | Registered: March 11, 2004
