Are you one of those people who constantly underestimates how much time tasks will take? I know that I am. For example, I started writing this assignment over an hour ago with the idea that I would finish it in 10 minutes. Don’t misunderstand me. I’ve been thinking about the assignment for the past three days. I’ve even been making notes when I think of words or ideas that I want to include. But now that I’m sitting down in front of the computer typing, I’m finding that this is just not going where I want it to go. Since I have a very full morning ahead of me (probably with too many things planned in too short of a time period, as usual), I’m getting extremely frustrated; and this frustration is like candy to my Committee. They are having a grand old time pulling up what I consider to be my flaws and merrily throwing each and every one of them in my face. So, of course, at the moment, I am feeling like a worthless human being.

Am I really a worthless human being? No! But once again, I’ve found myself feeling like this all because I underestimated the length of time that a task would take. This has just got to stop! (I see another sign being posted on my refrigerator.)

On the other hand, setting time limits is very necessary for me to get through my day. I really cannot spend four hours writing this assignment. I cannot spend 90 minutes showering. I cannot spend 30 minutes toasting a piece of bread. So how do I decide what is appropriate or not? I’m thinking that experience is the only answer here. How long does it take to wash, dry, and fold a load of laundry? For me, it’s about 10 minutes to sort and load the washer, 35 minutes for the wash cycle, a couple of minutes to transfer the wet clothes to the dryer, approximately 50-60 minutes of drying time, and maybe 10 minutes of folding. Fairly standard times for fairly standard tasks.

Now, how long will it take me to lose 20 pounds? Ding, ding, ding! Gray area. I have no idea. So let’s use my experience model. Okay. The first week, I lose 1.5 pounds. Okay. So at that rate, I will lose the 20 pounds in a little more than 13 weeks. Great! I’ll mark the calendar. Next week, I lose 1 pound. Oh, I guess I’d better modify my plan. I’ve lost 2.5 pounds, but now I’m only losing at 1 pound per week. I still have 17.5 weeks to go for a total of 19.5 weeks. Remark the calendar. The next week, I only lose a half of a pound. So now my original slightly more than 13 weeks just turned into 34 weeks. Oh, maybe I can salvage this. I've lost three pounds in three weeks. Maybe I only have 17 weeks to go. Anyone getting frustrated yet? Obviously, I failed. Well, I didn’t fail. I simply began to expect results where I had no business expecting them, i.e., the scale. We all know better than to try to take direct control of the scale, but we do it anyway, setting ourselves up each and every time. Again, this has just got to stop!

Please spend some time today thinking about the things in your life that you are trying to control and not having any success with. Are they things that you can control? If so, take a baby step today towards that control. If it is something that you can’t control directly, can you take baby steps to control it through indirect means? If so, do it. Post if you feel the need. I know that I’ve just spent 100 minutes working on this assignment. Please don’t spend that much time answering it. One hundred minutes of walking would have been much more beneficial to me.

Have a great day, everyone!

Bill

A few weeks and many posts ago I said I was going to a First Place group at my church and that I wasn't going to know what I weighed each week. I know the beginning and I'll know the ending after 13 weeks. Someone said that wasn't such a good idea. But Bill has explained very well WHY it's best for me to do it this way. I get caught up in the numbers, the timetable, etc. and then get really bogged down in the worthless pit. I usually end up quitting. Thanks, Bill, for the reinforcement.

Charlotte

Bill,

This is perfect for what I'm experiencing. I have soooo much to do and don't seem to making the progress that I would like. And I feel I've been more diligent than in times past - even a year ago.

Something that I want to share (because it will lead to something funny - I hope!) is that I have only one eye - have for all my life except the first 3 weeks. I'm monocular.

Add to that my wide and varied interests. I never do just one thing. I want to do and experience everything. I have oodles of books, tons of music, myriads of needlework kits, projects in many stages of completion in many different areas of interest.

Now, I don't quite know if I can find the proper words for this, but I thought of the saying about "eyes too big for your stomache!". or "having too much on your plate". Monocular people have no depth perception. So I don't evben know how big the plate is and I keep adding stuff to it! (I hope you're laughing.)

This seems a good homework that I had seemed to start a little earlier in the week.

You always give very thought provoking assignments, Bill. Thanks!

quote:

...perfectionism...

When possible, I try to say to myself something like:

"I'm going to do the best [task] that I can within [fixed deadline]."

The result isn't perfect, but it's as close to perfect as it can be within the specified deadline.

I have a problem underestimating my tasks at work... of course it doesn't help that my boss thinks I can get the task done in 5 - 10 minutes.. of course he thinks that of the things he needs to do and I usually complete things before he does. I struggle with this time estimation...and I do feel bad if I can't complete in his time line...but I know if I think about it realistically... that time is unrealistic.

Your not a worthless human being. This has helped me somewhat, although my boss hates my projections, but it is more realistic.

Take the time you think it would take to complete the task and triple it. E.g. washing the dishes 10 minutes... estimate 30 minutes. It may actually take you only 20 minutes. Of course when there is a lot of stuff to do it's hard to fit it all in, but I think I would rather overestimate by a little bit than to be crunched for time and stressing over trying to get things done.


hope this helps.

I just got home from work, where I was feeling super frustrated at the amount of things on my plate right now. Don't get me wrong, I still love this new job. For anyone who is familiar with a Fashion Bug, there are a lot of different areas in them. At our store, one manager has the plus sized clothes, another the misses sizes. That leaves me with misses and plus intimate apparel, shoes, girls, juniors, costume jewelry, fine jewelry, accessories, and gifts. By the time I finish going through each one, my week is over and they all need work again.

The solution:
I need help, so I have assigned a different sales associate to each section, freeing up some of my time

I've set up a separate notebook where I keep all of my notes pertaining to my sections are, so everyone can find them easily.

I try to plan my projects only a couple days ahead. This way I feel less guilt if I have to put off a project in order to accomplish something else.

Most importantly I have learned to walk away at the end of the day, and leave work at work. It has helped me enjoy this job more because I don't feel as if it is controlling my life.

Laurie

This homework has kind of been bouncing around in my brain all day. I realized that it is because I often spend so much more time doing things than they require because of my perfectionism or inability to focus on one task.

Examples:

1. Okay, I'm gonna out myself here on a really anal-retentive perfectionism behavior of mine. Almost every post I write here gets edited and reworked if some lines end up with 'orphans' at the end--i.e., if the last line of a paragraph only has one or two words on it. It just doesn't look balanced to me so I'll actually change what I said in order to make it look more "even." That's insane! But I do it nearly every day. I suppose it's the editor in me (I edit regulations for a living) as well as the perfectionist (and a bit of my creative side, because I love symmetry).

2. When I am writing something at work, esp. a big project like revising my Reg Writing Handbook or other guidance package, I will spend ridiculous amounts of time obsessing about what the page looks like or what I've said. I'll rewrite and rewrite and spend way too much time on a given chapter or page before moving on. It's no wonder it takes me as long as it does to revise these large documents! Luckily, doing so is always a self-initiated project and not something I'm being assigned and appraised on by my boss! heh

3. At home, my place will look like a bomb went off in it and, instead of spending time on something that's right out in my face making me feel bad (like the livingroom or kitchen), I'll pick something like cleaning out the closet or some dresser drawers as my Saturday or Sunday afternoon project and will spend HOURS on something that no one but me will ever know was accomplished. It's one of those things about myself that makes me nuts.

4. Conversely, I might START a project that would actually be helpful to getting the common areas of my place presentable but then, 15 minutes into it, I'll go to another room to put something away and end up obsessed on something for hours. Looking at old pictures or something else from my past...doing some other task that no one but me will see (see #3)...or sitting down to watch something on TV "just for a second" and, next thing I know, hours have gone by and I can hardly remember what the original task WAS much less having accomplished it!

We seem to have a lot of perfectionists in our little group here...but, for those of you who don't suffer with it, be glad...be very very glad. It can really be a royal pain in the patoot!

Edited only to say that I did not edit this post to fix any orphans...even that one just above!

quote:

Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
I put a TREMENDOUS amount of thought and time into losing weight.

I have too, and sometimes it gets overwhelming to think how much time and energy it requires even now, after 2 years! I keep waiting for all this stuff to become automatic and stop requiring so much thought...and some things have, of course, but not as much as I'd like!

quote:

But all of this typing/thinking has been VERY important to me figuring out how to do this long term.
I know that the HOURS and HOURS I’ve spent thinking (and typing) have contributed a LOT to my success!

I absolutely agree. I have had more "aha!" moments while here on the board (or while thinking about things I posted or peoples' responses to my posts) than in any other area of my life. It has helped me immensely to talk out some of my issues here and to see peoples' feedback on them, and to give feedback on other peoples' issues. When I think about how much I have learned here about behavior and eating and exercising, it is quite honestly mind-boggling.

I have done a LOT of reading (books, magazines) about weight loss in the past two years but, invariably, when I am sharing some tidbit of information about losing weight with someone, it is this board that comes to my mind as the source of most of the valuable information I have in my brain. That's pretty amazing, and proof that "book learnin'" is great, but hearing it from someone who has been there is really where you learn how to apply it to your life.

Sheri, it's so true...keep striving, keep working at it, and not giving up are such huge success stories for me. I have never fought so hard, stayed on one plan for so long, and succeeded so much as I have with this plan. I need to remember that the journey is part of the glory of the goal. I am proud of me for that, you should (and are) proud of you for your continuting journey.... I said to someone not too long ago, before I die, I want one day with auburn hair and a skinny bod, a healthy bod. That's not a lot, but one day at my normal weight would be worth it. Let's hope that God grants me more than that...but I'd be happy.

quote:

Originally posted by Bill:
Are you one of those people who constantly underestimates how much time tasks will take?

I used to be worse at this... One time, I was in charge of the church pledge drive and I had to make up these packets of information. I remember starting the project and thinking, “Any moron could get this done in 20 minutes.” 4 hours later, I was still making up packets. I never say, “Any moron…” any longer!

I had the same problem when I started teaching beginning band. I would spend HOURS preparing… I actually found that it works very well to do my prep for 1 hour or for 30 mins or for some specific amount of time. Everything gets done that needs to get done… and I don’t spend 12 hours preparing material (that often never got used).

quote:

Originally posted by Bill:
So let’s use my experience model. Okay. The first week, I lose 1.5 pounds. Okay. So at that rate, I will lose the 20 pounds in a little more than 13 weeks. Great! I’ll mark the calendar...

I used to do these exact same calculations…

At one point, I stopped caring about how fast I lost. I pretty much stopped caring about how much I lost. The ONLY thing I cared about was not yo-yo-ing and gaining it all back. I didn’t care if I only lost 5 lbs in a year… but there were some numbers on the scale that I never wanted to see again.

(Speaking of making calculations… I’ve actually sat down and calculated: If I weigh X, I can eat Y number of calories… It actually sort of gave me a reality check about how little I want to weigh or how many hours a week I want to spend exercising.)

quote:

Originally posted by Bill:
One hundred minutes of walking would have been much more beneficial to me.

Well, I don’t know about that…! I’ll even disagree with you!

I put a TREMENDOUS amount of thought and time into losing weight. Conventional wisdom says that I would have been way better off exercising for 2+ hours a day, rather than sitting on my bottom typing. But all of this typing/thinking has been VERY important to me figuring out how to do this long term. Hopefully, some of my 3,500 posts (oh my!! ) have helped some other people… but mostly anything I post is me figuring it out for myself. It took me a lot of time to figure out what’s working; what’s not working; how far am I willing to push myself; how much exercise is enough; what am I willing to try and what am I NOT willing to try… etc, etc.

I put a LOT of thought into answering for myself some really important questions. How much exercise am I realistically willing/able to do each week? How much/little food am I willing to eat long term (like am I willing to eat just ½ cup of rice, 2/3 c. ice cream, etc?) How much fast food or restaurant food am I willing to give up? Obviously, I can’t eat a #3 McBreakfast everyday… but on the other hand, I will be VERY resentful if I decide that I will never eat one again… so WHERE is the “happy medium”? How do you know when you’ve reached it? How do I keep doing this and not burn out?

I know that the HOURS and HOURS I’ve spent thinking (and typing) have contributed a LOT to my success!

And thanks to everyone who has helped me by reading my excessively long posts and the excessive number of posts and typing responses back!

quote:

Originally posted by cobismom:
I am a control freak in my own life.
The one thing I am finding out at the age of 52 and 51 weeks, is that I don't have control over how quickly this weight comes off.
I had planned on being at goal by now. It is frustrating to me to not be there.

I related a lot to what you wrote above, Cathy. We're both struggling to be in control of our lives, we're both 52 (for another week anyhow!), and we both had hoped to be at goal by now. While we're both really frustrated about not having things go on our timetable, we're both still going...still striving...still achieving.

I have had to learn to be happy with and take pride in things other than the scale because, otherwise, I would be so despondent that it would not be possible for me to still be on this journey.

We can both do this. We've learned that we can't set the timetable for our own weight loss but, as long as we're still working toward the goal, we're still achieving. We will get there (to our goal weight), eventually, and we will have so much to celebrate when we do.

I am a control freak in my own life. I gave up trying to control others, it won't work. But with myself, I have to be in control.

The one thing I am finding out at the age of 52 and 51 weeks, is that I don't have control over how quickly this weight comes off. I started at having 125 pounds to loose; that was two years ago. I have lost 55+ of it. I had planned on being at goal by now. It is frustrating to me to not be there. Sometimes so frustrating, that I give up. But then I go back and realize there are circumstances over which I have NO control....diabetes, horror-mones, age, injuries, etc that I can't just throw out the window. So I am learning patience and slow and steady. My 18 year old neice sent me a turtle about a month ago, after silenting listening to my lament about weight. All the note said, was "Slow and steady, Aunt CAthy, wins the race". How cool, and out of the mouths of babes.

Other things I have virtually no control, where my life has taken me. We were talking about this last night, my dh and I. We would have never guessed we'd be living where we are 27 years ago. We would have never picked this house, this town, this area. But here we are. I would still be teaching, but my disability keeps that from me. My mom would still be here, and she isn't. I have learned to flow with the go and make lemonade with just enough sweetner in it, to make it happy.