For about a week now I've been feeling anxious most of the time. At first I thought it was post-vacation-can't-get-back-in-normal-life-groove, but I have been back over 1 1/2 weeks, so I don't think that's it. My dd is at her dad's for a few weeks, and I know that is some of it. I just feel better when she is home, I miss her a lot. We talk regularly on the phone, so that helps. My relationship with my boyfriend is great, so that's not it. I really dislike my job, and I know that that has been an issue for me for some time now but it seems to only get worse day after day. I also think that my life is stagnant. Not my relationship life, or my social life in general but my work life mostly. I also have been thinking about the fact that I work from home and although I am on the phone all day long, not having direct contact with people and being in my house every, single day, is wearing on me. I always hear "oh, you are so lucky to work from home". It is not a glamorous as it sounds. I see the same walls, furniture, etc. I really need a change! I can't put my finger on any other reason I would be feeling this way. It is not a depression type feeling. It feels like somewhere inside something just does not feel right. I feel unsettled and it is not a good feeling. I also think I am not busy enough. I work 8-10 hr days, but most nights during the week I don't do much. I go to dance on Monday nights for an hour and that made me feel great. I don't want to be SO busy though that I don't have time to relax at all because Jill time is super important to me.

Do you ever feel like this? Does being more active and having more in your life make you feel better or is being busier running from a real problem? See, here's the thing-I can't pinpoint a real problem. Yes, I hate my job. But, it pays my bills and I'm thankful to even have a job when so many people are being laid-off or can't even find a job.

I've got to get back to walking/yoga/meditation too. I know that would help. My bf keeps asking me what's wrong and I can't give him an answer. It is frustrating and scary. As I posted in another thread, I have a mother who suffers from depression and I am terrified that I am headed down the same road as her. Even though what I feel does not feel like depression at all, just anxiety.

Any suggestions?

Jill

Jill,

I'm jumping in belatedly to second the sound advice you have already received from our sisters on this site.

I have diagnosed depression and anxiety. I have learned to be "in tune" to what my body tells me. Sometimes I can figure out where the stress comes from - sometimes I need help. I keep hoping the message is getting out that mental health is as important and as real as physical health.

I just want to throw in that even good or joyous events can send some people into a tizzy. I think this was the case with me recently since I was experiencing anxiety but couldn't figure out the source. I think it was Son's graduation. About the time of the actual ceremony I was back to normal.

When I was in grade school, for years, my mother had me to the doctors just before school started because of stomach aches. I was so excited (glad) to be going to school - I took it out on my stomach. I recognize that I've continued something similar as an adult.

Linda

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... but it REALLY does affect my mental health and relationships and my whole self. We really are whole beings... and tend to forget that our brain is the center of our mental and emotional processes but is also a physical entity. Both things are true. We forget that taking care of our body IS taking care of our emotional lives, too.

This is so true for me. Since I have been at my maint weight and have been stable with good food and exercise choices, I have had a much more stable, happy mood.

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Originally posted by Sandy:
Too much alone time and too much computer time can get to me too.

Me too.

Glad that you are feeling better... and often... I think that just being proactive and getting out and getting some social interaction and some exercise really helps.

I was also thinking that we (Americans, I think) tend to compartmentalize our emotional selves and our physical selves. I have notice a HUGE improvement in my mental and emotional health when I am working on my physical health.

It can SEEM that eating healthier or exercising or getting more activity is all about losing/maintaining weight or getting cholesterol or BP numbers down or about physical functions... but it REALLY does affect my mental health and relationships and my whole self. We really are whole beings... and tend to forget that our brain is the center of our mental and emotional processes but is also a physical entity. Both things are true. We forget that taking care of our body IS taking care of our emotional lives, too.

But thanks for keeping us up to date and glad things are going better.

quote:

Originally posted by Sandy:
Jill,
I am glad you are feeling better. Good news.

Too much alone time and too much computer time can get to me too.

Thanks Sandy!

I find that I love Jill time, but too much alone time, and too much computer time, gets to me. I need friend time, time away from home, and sometimes that means Barnes and Noble, or coffee house time, even if it is alone, it is time out of my house/home office.

Jill

Jill,
I am glad you are feeling better. Good news.

Too much alone time and too much computer time can get to me too.

My anxiety levels this week are so much less. I attribute a lot of it to the fact that I've been out of the house quite a bit. I had lunch w/a friend Wednesday, a meeting Wed. night, dinner and miniature golfing w/another friend last night. I have also been limiting my computer time. Because of my job, and having to check VM frequently after hours, I spent way too much time worrying and checking and double-checking work stuff at night, weekends,etc. I still have to check messages at night/wknds, but I am trying to cut back on that. And, unless it is an urgent need for the same or next day, it can wait until I'm back in my office to deal with whatever it is.

Jill

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Originally posted by jillybean:
I've been to therapy more than once. During my divorce, after my mom went into the hospital for treatment for depression, when I went through a horrible custody case with my ex. I like going to therapy. It truly does help. And Denise, I totally get where you're coming from. But, not having insurance is not my excuse for not going(and I know you aren't pointing fingers and accusing, just being concerned and offering advice). I know there are sliding scale therapists out there and I will pursue that.

I appreciate this info and it helps a lot. I can see where you are coming from.

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Denise-I thank you for your input on how my boyfriend is seeing changes. Because I just thought he figured I was being a B****. But, he's truly concerned.

Oh... both things might be true.

I know that in my case, I was truly concerned and worried about dh AND he was really a PITA to live with. Also, I a perfect world, I'd always express my concern as, "Honey I love you so much and I'm so worried about you!" But in real life sometimes it is expressed as anger, frustration, and downright b*itchy-ness. (I do also say, "I love you... bla, bla, bla"... I'm not a TOTAL b----. ) Not to mention that watching my dh spiral downward makes ME feel awfully anxious, too.

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I went to dance class tonight. Wow, amazing what one hour of exercise/fun will do for anxiety!... I feel a lot better so I think moving my body every day is a key to feeling better.

I really think so, too. I'd guess that my walking/exercise is as much (or more) for my mental health... more than burning calories or to be thin. Also, walking to McDonlad's for a cup of coffee or walking the the store for 3 bananas, I see the person in McDonald's and the person stacking fruit in the produce dept. and the check out clerk and the elderly Sikh Indian man going for HIS walk and the dude on the bike and some mom taking her baby and dog out for a walk. While I don't have any conversations beyond, "Good morning" or "hi"... it is still contact with other humans (and dogs) (since I'm home alone, too... and getting out is important! Left to my own devices with no planned walks... I can go days and not even leave the house. )

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It will be much hard work, but I feel as if I really like what I do for a living, my life will be more complete.

Or at least a job that is tolerable and that you don't HATE.

Keep us updated and hang in there and best wishes!

D and Denise-Thanks so much, and to everyone else for your concerns and recommendations. I've been to therapy more than once. During my divorce, after my mom went into the hospital for treatment for depression, when I went through a horrible custody case with my ex. I like going to therapy. It truly does help. And Denise, I totally get where you're coming from. But, not having insurance is not my excuse for not going(and I know you aren't pointing fingers and accusing, just being concerned and offering advice). I know there are sliding scale therapists out there and I will pursue that.

D-I am unfortunately NOT an employee of the company. I am paid and treated as an independent contractor so I have access to zero benefits. Those paid as employees get a health benefit allowance. I make a lot more than they do, but my taxes are higher, I have to pay my own insurance, etc. The benefit in being paid the way I do is I can work 40 hours a week, or 20 hrs a week, or take 2 weeks off for vacation and I get paid the same. I am commissioned though, so, the harder I work, the more I get paid.

Denise-I thank you for your input on how my boyfriend is seeing changes. Because I just thought he figured I was being a B****. But, he's truly concerned. And I think Sheri asked if we lived together, and we do, so it is not being alone that is making me anxious. I've narrowed it down to my job and a lack of exercise.

I went to dance class tonight. Wow, amazing what one hour of exercise/fun will do for anxiety! We did at least 80 crunches as part of our workout and we upped our intensity level with our hip-hop and tap dances so I was sweating and felt like I got a great workout. I really wish my dance class occurred daily! I feel a lot better so I think moving my body every day is a key to feeling better.

I've also contacted 3 paralegal schools. I know that I am fascinated by law, and this is the career path for me. I've been toying with the idea of going to school for over a year now, but was so afraid to make the move. I know that it is what I want and I need to move forward. I was looking on Craigslist and in our local paper and there are a ton of jobs for paralegals. To do what I really want would require some travel to Philly, but there are some really great law firms and it excites me to find a new career path. I know every job has it's ups and downs. I've emailed Dawn and Iz, both with current/past careers in law, and I know it is not all glamor and excitement. It will be much hard work, but I feel as if I really like what I do for a living, my life will be more complete.

As far as working from home, it has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I've been able to take my dd to school, pick her up, be home with her when she is sick or during summers. I have the flexibility of taking vacation when I want, going to lunch with friends, etc. But, my home contains my work. I see my office, and it is part of my home. I am home all day alone and it is draining. That is why I look forward to dance class, lunches out, vacation, weekend dinners with my boyfriend and dd. It is time OUT of my house. The company's plan is to move me out of the house into an office with another person. Will that make me love my job, I doubt it. It will still be nights/weekends, etc. and constant stress but i think it will help until I can move on to another career.

Jill

I agree with D. about the sliding scale thing... It is very possible to find a therapist who does sliding scale.

Also to be kind of brutally honest... My dh has depression and for a really long time gave me LISTS of excuses: a) he didn't have time to go to therapy b) I had to get over it and accept him for who he is... the in sickness and in health (or even looney tunes nuts)... and that kind of thing... and if *I* was a nicer, more accepting person he'd be fine and I made him worse because I was judgmental (because I was INSISTING that something was wrong... and he was sliding off the bell curve of "normal" behavior, and he didn‘t want me pointing that out…) c) he didn’t have time to contact our insurance company d) He didn’t like the names of the therapists listed (seriously… he looked at their names and decided that they wouldn’t/couldn’t help him e) He didn’t want to see a man f) He didn’t want to see a women g) he KNEW what his problems were and was just going to work on it himself h) He was on anti-depressants… and they weren’t working for him (of course, he had his own wacky schedule… and basically, wasn’t taking them) i) I was the only one complaining… no one else thought that there was a problem. j) etc. k) etc. l) etc.

He was very difficult to live with. And eventually, it took some threats on my part to get him to get some help. But it was very hard to hear his excuses. And frustrating. He also sort of thought that he lived in his own little bubble… and had no idea of what it was like to live with or how he affected the rest of us. My advice is to at least, talk to somebody for your daughter and your bf.

quote:

Originally posted by jillybean:
My bf keeps asking me what's wrong and I can't give him an answer. It is frustrating and scary.

If your bf is noticing a change in you, I’d take it as a wake up call. If you find it frustrating and scary… I wish that you would make an effort to talk to somebody.

quote:

Right now I am without insurance (my job does not offer it and my monthly premium went to over $300/mo) so seeing a therapist is not in the cards for now.

Many, many therapists offering sliding scales for payments. My insurance only pays for 12 visits a year, so...I pay on a sliding scale (based on my income) after those first 12. Speaking only for my therapist, her sliding scale starts at $15 for an hour session.

So...do with that what you will. But I want to reinforce something Denise said: Depression and anxiety are *diagnosable* and *treatable.* They happen when brain chemicals get out of whack. They are not something you bring on yourself, any more than you bring an eye infection the flu on yourself.

And...does your company have an "ERP" program? (Sometimes called EAR or EAP). Check your paperwork. Employee Referral Program, Employee Assistance and Referral, Employee Assistance Program. If they do, you can call and get a referral to a mental health specialist, usually for a discounted rate for a set number of sessions.

You can also check the mental health association in your city/county/state. They'll probably list doctors, counselors, and therapists who work on a sliding scale or work specifically with uninsured patients.

(I really don't want you to feel trapped ANOTHER way right now!)

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Originally posted by SheriaVa:
. I was going through a bad period of stress at work and was either not able to go to sleep at night for worrying about things or would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep because of worry/anxiety.

I would get in to work on Tuesday morning and find 2-5 voice mails from myself from over the weekend, reminding me of this task or that deadline or whatever. They would be time-stamped 11 p.m., 2 a.m., 4 a.m., etc.

Boy, can I relate to this! Because I manage a staffing service, I am pretty much "on" all the time. My actual work day ends at 5PM, but much night until I go to bed, and all weekend I have to be working because things change constantly. People cx. out of jobs, emergencies come up, and if I get a job on a Friday afternoon at 4:59 I have to work on it over the weekend so not only do I not get away from my job because I live where I work, I cannot get away from my job, period. Our other employee does help out with this stuff but sometimes it is overwhelming and right now she is going through her own set of problems so I am taking on more and more. I also cannot stand the calls from people wanted to register with us saying I called today at 11AM and it is now 5PM and no one called me back. I am busy through so much of my day that I can't always get back to people that same day and then I feel guilt that I'm not getting enough done. I really believe my job is my #1 enemy right now and a huge cause of the anxiety.

Thanks for all your posts/suggestions and I'll keep you posted as to my progress. Right now I am without insurance (my job does not offer it and my monthly premium went to over $300/mo) so seeing a therapist is not in the cards for now.

Jill

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Originally posted by GoingSkiing:
And it started spreading ... to free floating general anxiety that started keeping me up at night. (Keeping me up at night is a “WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!” sign of a problem.

I will absolutely ditto this. When I first started taking BusPar about 15 years ago, it was only episodically--once in a blue moon when I flew or had a specific anxiety-producing event. When I knew that it had become more than that is when I was going through a bad period of stress at work and was either not able to go to sleep at night for worrying about things or would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep because of worry/anxiety.

I would get in to work on Tuesday morning and find 2-5 voice mails from myself from over the weekend, reminding me of this task or that deadline or whatever. They would be time-stamped 11 p.m., 2 a.m., 4 a.m., etc. That's when I knew that anxiety was impacting my life on more than an episodic basis. I talked to my doctor about it and I started taking BusPar I think 3 days a week at first. Eventually, in 2000 or 2001 when the stress was really horrific, I went to a daily pill. It made SUCH a difference for me.

I know for many people--and for me--I hesitated for a long time talking to my doctor about my anxiety because I felt that: a) "It's not that bad." and b) There was still a societal stigma about this type of thing and there was just a little touch of "Needing medication means I'm crazy." in my thought process.

I agree that making an appt to see somebody is a good thing to do, for a number of reasons. You get to talk about whatever's bugging you, and you're being proactive.

I'd also do something NICE for just me on a regular basis. Being active doesn't mean you're busy scooting around doing "necessary" housework or errands or whatever; it can be just Me stuff, away from the house.

And hey... hating your job IS a real problem. Especially if you work from home. Isn't home supposed to be a person's sanctuary? What if your sanctuary is where you do work you hate? I'd go nuts! I work from home occasionally and although I like my work, I need a clear boundary between work and home, otherwise I'm always on duty. This was one of the things that drove me crazy when I was a SAHM.

Go girl! You're addressing the problem. That's a great start.

PS... I also think that anxiety or depression is like any other disease and getting it treated sooner rather than later is the way to go.

Many times people think, "It isn't THAT bad" or "Maybe it will go away on its own" or they have a fun, good day and decide, "See. I'm really not that anxious or depressed" or they take the "Snap out of it! I have NOTHING to be depressed/anxious about!" approach.

Personally, if I'm even thinking... <sigh> "Maybe I should see somebody about this" that is sort of a sign that YES!!! I SHOULD see somebody... doesn't matter if it is a lump some place... or a toothache... or anxiety.

Seeing somebody is better and hoping that it will go away and get better on its own and letting it get worse, isn't the way to go. Better to nip it in the bud... rather than waiting for full blown depression. IMO.

quote:

Originally posted by D in St Pete:
but just want to share that for me, depression and anxiety go hand in hand.

I agree with that. That is the first thing that I thought of last night… depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin.

I also know that it is VERY, VERY common to feel as you describe… that for the most part… like is good (good relationship, good kid, good house… kind of yucky job… but at least I have one)… so what is wrong with me??? It isn’t like I have something to be depressed about, right? I know that I start thinking like that when I start sliding. “It isn’t like I’m living in Iraq or something”. But that is depression/anxiety… feeling blue/anxious “for no reason”.

And actually, I think that maybe anxiety/worrying is a MORE common symptom than “the blues”. Most people think of “the blues” or sadness as being the biggest depression symptom or problem. My experience is that anxiety and worrying and getting stuck in a thought loop is more common.

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Along with talking to a professional, I encourage you to DO SOMETHING about your work situation.

Me too. I really encourage you to talk to a professional… and doing “something” also really helps. And actually, calling and making an appointment with a mental health profession IS a “doing something” that is VERY helpful.

But also doing something about the problems that are bothering you is helpful, too. But I’d encourage to call and make an appt.

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Does being more active and having more in your life make you feel better or is being busier running from a real problem?

I think that yes… being more active really helps. A class or a job or people to meet and things to show up for helps. EXERCISE helps a LOT. My mom thinks that exercise outside and going for a walk is better (for depression/anxiety) than an exercise tape inside… and I have to agree with her.

I also think that being PROactive… as well as plain old more active helps.

Not this last winter, but about Jan or Feb 2007, I started feeling really anxious. (WARNING…this is disgusting) Some of it was but we had this TERRIBLE rat problem out in the garage. A restaurant was torn down and the whole neighborhood was infested. Orkin and pest companies used to knock on the door to offer us the group neighborhood rate. There were occasionally dead rats in the gutters. Our school drama club did a play about the “Pied Piper” called “RATS!”. It was pretty bad. Oreo is a good ratter… but even he couldn’t keep up with them. Nothing like getting up in the morning to a dead rat in the hallway, outside your bedroom door.

I called Orkin (or some pest company) and they sent two guys out… who said, “Yes. You have rats”. Like duh!!! I KNEW that. They charged me $300 bucks and set traps… and caught NO rats. None. Zero.

Going out to the garage was AWFUL. I stopped doing the elliptical, because it was in the garage with the rats. I went to the Y… but not enough. I didn’t want to do laundry because it was in the garage with the rats.

I kept waiting for Nelson to take care of the rats (since he is a man)… but he was waiting for me (since I‘m home), or something. Or I hoped that eventually, they would just go away. Or maybe they would start using the Orkin traps and kill themselves that way.

And then it started raining for like 60 days and 60 nights or something… and I didn’t get out and walk.

And I could tell that I was starting to feel that old feeling of being mentally paralyzed… OMG… it is hopeless… I’m stuck in this house with the rats… Ick. Ick. Ick. I don’t know what to do… I called Orkin and that didn’t work… (not to mention that I wasted $300 and it didn't even work and they would NOT refund my $$$$) Oh man. This is hopeless. And it started spreading from anxiety about the rats… to just free floating general anxiety that started keeping me up at night. (Keeping me up at night is a “WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!” sign of a problem.

And I made an appointment with our councilor and I said just about the same things you did. I listed all of the good things in my life… and said, well OK… we have rats… but so does everybody I know… right now. I don’t have any “REAL” problems and don’t know what is wrong… but I can tell that I’m slipping.

And he basically said, “OK… you’ve stopped exercising… The laundry is backed up and piled up… And you are losing control of the house (which he knows from marriage counseling… my cleaning habits are tenuous at best)… And you are living in a house/neighborhood infested with rats. (He also told me HIS rat infestation story and how yucky it is. Which made me feel better… even people with PhD’s get rats occasionally.) Yeah… you have a reason to worry and feel bad. And you need to get your butt in gear and fix that. Because that is a depressing situation”. He basically told me to start exercising again. And getting rid of the rats might help, too.

And I researched the rat issue and bought a gazillion traps and Jamie and I (bless his heart) ELIMINATED the rats from the house/garage in literally 3-4 days (it is called a “mass kill” should anyone want/need extermination advice).

And I got out there and started walking… and the first couple of days were hard because I couldn’t exactly turn my brain off from the rat problem while walking… but eventually, I started seeing trees and plants (and the neighborhood rat problem was resolved and the dead rats disappeared). (Also, one benefit is that Jamie wants to go to college more than ever… since every time I say, “OMG… if you don’t go to college… you can become a _______ and make like $300 dollars an HOUR!!! Even Daddy doesn‘t make $300 an hour!!!!”… It is always for some AWFUL job like owning an exterminator business or climbing through gross crawl spaces or something, that makes ds go, “OMG… You are insane!!! I’m not becoming an exterminator or going up on roofs in the rain and when it is 104 degrees outside. I‘m going to college!”)

And I made and kept a couple/few counseling appointments… which helps just to be able to talk to somebody and have them say, “OK… no this isn’t Iraq… but it is anxiety producing… and you are right to nip it in the bud before spirals into free floating anxiety and obsessions and depression. Go do this”.

Hang in there! But I think that being proactive and making an appointment AND getting out there and being more active are both good things.

jill, i am feeling for you. i don't have anything to add to the great advice already posted. Just feeling for you girlfriend

I'm glad you posted, Jill.

I wanted to see what other people said before I chimed in. Given what you've talked about recently--your worry about your mom, your body image, and now your daughter being away and recognizing that you feel very limited in your job--I hope you will do as already suggested and talk to your GP or a counselor. Overarching anxiety about EVERYTHING isn't normal, and it isn't something you have to just deal with.

I know you worry about becoming your mother, but I want to point out that she's raised at least one fantastic daughter (I don't know your sister, or I'd say two!), and maintains relationships with her family, two very positive attributes. While you might stress about becoming your mother in a bad way, recognizing when you feel off-kilter is huge and important in maintaining your mental health.

There's a good article here about the link between anxiety and depression. I am not making MY diagnois YOUR diagnosis, but just want to share that for me, depression and anxiety go hand in hand. I *know* when I'm beginning to spin, and so I *worry* that I'll always be depressed, that I'll never be happy, that I (depending on the moment) will be forever stuck in a job I hate/will never be happy in a relationship/will always panic when the grocery store gets crowded/will always hate driving in traffic...the list goes on and on and on.

Instead of just being, I worry that I'm not being "enough," if that makes sense. Instead of doing the laundry, I worry I'm not doing right. Instead of watching TV, I worry I should be doing something else. It's terrible and insidious and I REALLY don't like when that worry worms its way into my life. I worked from home, too, and I think part of my skewed outlook at the time was that I *felt* very isolated.

Along with talking to a professional, I encourage you to DO SOMETHING about your work situation. Update your resume. Read the want ads. Read articles about changing jobs. Do things that will make *you* feel empowered in the situation.

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Does being more active and having more in your life make you feel better or is being busier running from a real problem?

Not necessarily being "more" active, but doing things that I enjoy and that I feel benefit me. I enjoy art, and sometimes it only takes a museum visit to pull me out. Other times, putting my problems into perspective is helpful--I can read about womens' situations in different places around the world, and then donate money or time to a charity. That helps me find a perspective AND feel empowered.

I don't know if being MORE busy is the answer, but maybe putting more effort into things that ARE bothering you, when you pinpoint them.

Jill: I know a lot of my married friends experience some level of anxiety (some worse than others) when their husbands are travelling because they're not used to sleeping in the house alone. I can't remember if your bf lives with you now or not but, if not, perhaps that is some of the anxiety if you are sleeping alone in the house at least some nights while she is visiting her Dad.

I have lived alone fo