Is Your Best Friend Fat?
by Kathleen Daelemans

Often, it's easier to help others than to help ourselves. It feels good to help those you love overcome adversity and work through pain. It's invigorating to help a friend organize an office or play room. Bringing food to friend with the flu just feels good. Watching your neighbor's children so their parents can have a night off is positively noble.

Selfless giving is richly rewarding. But it can come at a high price if it gets in the way of meeting your own needs first. Care-giving for others can become a way of denying your own needs. Choosing to believe that you "have" to do it all because it "won't get done" without you, is a choice.

Often this is a learned behavior. Perhaps a parent or someone close to you behaves the same way. Regardless of how the habit was formed, if you think you can benefit from more self care, take the quiz. Choose change. Choose to achieve your goals. Choose to make your dreams come true.

The more time, effort and thought you put into figuring out the whys and what's in your way, the easier it will be for you to constructively, actively and purposefully succeed at winning.

Remove yourself from the assignment so you can problem solve from a non-emotional, objective place. Replace the you's in the equation with, my very best friend.

1. Does your very best friend eat because there are too many food temptations in the pantry, in plain sight throughout the home, at work and or in the car?
   
   
2. Does your very best friend buy sugary fun cereals and salty snacks "just for the kids" because they "shouldn't have to suffer" or because they're "not overweight"?
   
   
3. Does your very best friend put forth enough effort to get healthy meals on the table most nights?
   
   
4. Does your friend eat out too much too often?
   
   
5. Does your friend practice portion control most of the time?
   
   
6. Does your friend "think" she's/he's eating healthy when in reality she/he's not?
   
   
7. Does your very best friend eat when stressed?
   
   
8. Does your very best friend associate with people that enable free-for-all eating?
   
   
9. Does your best friend eat healthy in front of other people and then eat more food, unhealthy or not, when alone?
   
   
10. Does your best friend binge at night?
    
    
11. Does your best friend eat three meals and two snacks a day at regular times?
    
    
12. Does your very best friend let one bad day turn into more bad days?
    
    
13. Does your very best friend schedule enough physical activity every week?
    
    
14. Does your very best friend put forth 100% effort when exercising?
    
    
15. Is your very best friend in the whole wide world too busy cooking, shopping, cleaning, overseeing homework, transporting kids, working, running errands and being a good neighbor to take care of her/his own needs first or even at all?
    
    
16. In your opinion, does your very best friend consciously or perhaps even subconsciously over schedule her/his-self to avoid dealing with her/his own issues?

Keep in mind, your friend is vulnerable and probably deals with a lot of stress on a day to day basis. Likely, some of these habits are the only way she/he knows to soothe hurt feelings, calm nerves, manage stress and get "time off" from the chaos of every day life.

After each yes, write down the ideal behavior you'd like to see your friend achieve. Be thoughtful, practical and realistic with your answers. Next, write down three things your best friend can do this week to makeover these habits once and for all. Keep in mind, some of the issues will require more than a week to solve and all of them will require a lifetime commitment.

Review your answers with a critical eye. Did you lay out a realistic, safe game plan? Is the game plan too aggressive? Are the solutions and new behaviors too idealistic for the first week?

Finally, have you taken all of the what-ifs into consideration? What if your best friend doesn't feel like it? What if she/he's too tired? What if your best friends spouse won't support these changes? What if your best friend can't imagine putting her/himself first? What if your best friend is in crisis mode trying to deal with some really tough life issues right now? Give your plan a once over, make any necessary adjustments and dive into week one of winning for good this time!

Extra credit: Post some of your best friends challenges and solutions here. Journaling privately at home or anonymously online is an easily accessible form of accountability available 24 hours a day.

The forum is a community of people actively seeking to achieve their health and weight loss goals. It's a safe environment to seek out and access camaraderie, support, advice, recipes and tips anytime you want. I'm there every single day too. Just because I lost 75 pounds doesn't mean I'm "cured". I will have to "work" at this the rest of my life. Luckily, most of the work becomes habit and play. But there are days when Caravel ice-cream cakes and birthday party M&M's do their best to do me in so see you in the cyber kitchen!