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Dear
Dr. Atkins,
I'm a stay at home Mom with two small children. I feel guilty
for not cooking more healthy meals but my kids only want
macaroni and cheese or pizza. I use a lot of snack type
foods because they're easy and they keep the kids quiet.
I feel guilty all the time because I know these aren't the
best choices. I feel overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities.
I need to lose weight. The children are very active and
healthy. Can you help me change?
Mary
Dear Mary,
The environment surrounding food and eating issues in a
family can play a role in how kids think about food and
what food means to them in the course of their lives. It
is important that kids learn to eat healthfully and that
food is an enjoyable means of energy for their bodies. As
long as kids know that food is what we need to keep us healthy
and strong they can learn, early on, to make healthy choices
about what to put into their mouths. But they need good
models and you are one of those models.
We have a growing population of children with terrible eating
habits and who are very overweight. It is difficult to pick
up a magazine or newspaper without finding at least one
article about the "epidemic" of obesity in children.
Sodas, fast foods, snack foods, fats, and lack of exercise
contribute to this horrible and growing phenomenon. Never
before have we had such high numbers of children who were
seriously ill and at risk because of food related issues.
And these are preventable, but it begins at home.
Mary, the empty calories consumed by our children can be
devastating on their metabolism. You have a busy and stressful
life, and you feel overwhelmed with your many responsibilities.
But understand that giving your kids snack type foods is
helping them develop eating habits and tastes that are not
going to serve them in the long run (and in my opinion will
be hurtful to them.) The fuel they need to develop healthy
skin, bones, teeth, brains, eyes, is from more natural,
real, less processed foods without tons of salt, sugar and
additives.
You said your kids like macaroni and cheese and pizza. You
can make both healthfully. Have you ever try pizza with
whole wheat crust? You can buy it in health food stores
if you don't want to make it. You can also buy healthier
version of macaroni and cheese made with whole wheat noodles.
Most children need structure. It is up to parents to teach
their kids that normal eating consists of three well-balanced
meals a day and two healthy snacks. Meals should be around
the same time every day. Make sure there is an assortment
of snacks available.
And remember, you can teach your children that they can
have or not have their snacks based on hunger and need.
Unless your child has a diagnosed biological disorder that
effects their sense of hunger or ability to control how
much they eat, you should essentially let them eat as much
or as little as they like. They have to learn to listen
to their own bodies and pay attention to when they are approaching
a feeling of fullness. Eating "fake food" as I
call it, gives kids a "fake" sense of fullness
and does not give them the benefit of wholesome foods.
Let your kids try and taste new foods (keeping in mind food).
Let them explore their own sense of eating and enjoying
it! Start at a young age and let them have fun with it.
Engage them in cooking with you. Take them shopping and
try to find a new food each week…or every other week…explore…research
it with your kids. Where does papaya come from? What are
the differences between these kinds of rice? What kind of
food do people eat who live in…(fill in the country)
and go onto the internet and find a recipe from that part
of the world and have your kids help you prepare a meal
(or a dish) from there. Engage them in the "art"
of cooking, preparing a table, and understanding where food
comes from and why it is good for you. You might be surprised
at what your kids like!
Too many times food is used as a reward. Too often children
are rewarded with junk food, candy and ice cream for completing
their homework or chores. There are much better ways
to reward children: Hugs and kisses and statements such
as "I'm proud of you!"; taking them to a special
event they want to go to (baseball game, concert, carnival,
circus, movies); taking them out to buy something special
related to the achievement (book, art supplies, sports equipment,
a computer game); spending time doing something special
with them (build a model, do a puzzle, color, build with
legos, play cards, read a book, make up a story). There
is a range of other options as opposed to giving them something
to eat!
Kids also develop a feeling that food can be used to soothe
pain when every time they get a cut or a bump or some wound,
they get to eat something special. That way, food is paired
with making pain go away. The same applies to emotions like
sadness, loneliness and grief. Children need to be comforted
with hugs, communication and validation, petting their dog
or cat, doing an art project to express their feelings,
and having a caring person spend time with them until they
feel better. They need to cry when they feel hurt or sad.
They need to yell when they are angry. What they don't
need at that time is something to eat.
Although it is unrelated to your question, I want to add
that in some families, food is used as both a reward or
a punishment. For example, "you cannot have anything
to eat until you behave" brings food into the realm
where it does not belong. Children need to eat because of
hunger and should not be deprived of satisfying their natural
sense of hunger. Kids need to learn when to respond to their
bodies when they are really hungry or really full. "Don't
leave the table until you finish your plate" and other
such demands creates stress around food and eating.
People (kids and adults) need to eat when they are not stressed
so they can more completely and healthfully digest their
food and develop a relationship with food that is healthy.
And keeping kids occupied and interested in hobbies, sports,
activities helps them to not be bored. Too many kids eat
when they are bored and not because they are hungry.
Mary, it is okay for kids to have some sweets; in moderation
and if they brush their teeth afterwards. Restricting sweet
foods from their diet will likely come back to haunt you
because they will want it more and as they interact more
with their peers, and see other kids eating the forbidden
foods, they will be, as the saying goes, like a kid in a
candy shop!
While you are teaching them and modeling better eating habits
for them be sure they have vitamins because so many of the
important vitamins and minerals they need are just not present
in a steady diet of macaroni and cheese and pizza! You are
the most important role model for your children. We spend
a lot of time teaching our children to "do the right
thing." We need to be convinced ourselves of the value
of modeling a healthy lifestyle for our children if we want
them to grow into healthy people. This means, we set an
example for them. We talk the talk and walk the walk.
Our children learn their behaviors and ways they live their
lives from those people they interact with most often. If
you drink alcohol and expect your kids to stay away from
it you will have a harder time than if you live what you
say. If you use food as a reward or as a means of comfort
or solace you are modeling for your children to think of
food similarly. If you eat when you are angry or sad or
bored, or have no specific meal time or regimen around food
your kids typically will do the same.
Making change is not easy but committing yourself to provide
a healthier and more structured environment for yourself
and your children around food will only pay off in the end.
You will feel better about yourself and you will be providing
the foundation your child needs to move forward through
life in the healthiest way possible.
Dale
dratkins@kathleendaelemans.com
Dr. Dale Atkins' latest book, I'm
OK, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of
Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works,
draws on twenty-five years of experience as a relationship
expert to present a comprehensive guide to repairing difficult
relationships, gaining control, and building a life that
you and your parents can live with for years to come.
Click
here for more info on I'm OK, You're My Parents
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Other
books by Dr. Dale Atkins:
Sisters
From
the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts About
Their Married Lives
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