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Dear
Doctor Atkins,
The hardest time of the day for me not to back peddle is
when I get home from work. I'm really stressed at
this time of the day. My children's after school schedule
only adds to the chaos. When I get home I have to cook dinner
so it's hard to stay out of the kitchen.
I try to eat a healthy snack around 3:30pm or 4:00
pm. Most of the time, I just give in to the food!
I don't have a lot of weight to lose but my clothes are
getting really tight so I'd like to get rid of 15 pounds.
How can I learn to control myself around food and feel good
about myself?
Donna
Dear Donna,
You
are not alone. This is a particularly difficult time of
day for many women who would love nothing more than to come
home from work, kick off their shoes, put up their feet,
sip a lovely cup of aromatic herbal tea, reflect on the
day and take in much needed, relaxing, cleansing breaths.
Instead, most women feel "behind" and thrown into
it, (or thrown by it) the instant they step foot in the
door from work and are barely able to keep their balance.
There's no time to feel relaxed and ready to ease into the
next chapter of their day.
Eating your healthy snack in the mid-late afternoon is a
wise habit to keep. Right after the snack, begin to envision
yourself feeling "nurtured" by the nourishing
food you've just eaten. Look at this as a nutritional gift
and tell yourself you are going to benefit from this act
of taking care of yourself. As part of changing your relationship
with food it is wise to recognize and appreciate when you
make good choices... and acknowledge that these choices
will help you to feel better, and more energized.
Since you get stressed when you come home from work, try
to redesign your expectations for that time of day. As a
way to prepare, on your way home, do something or think
of something that is calming so you are coming into the
door a bit more relaxed (instead of all revved up.) Just
because the kids may be bouncing off the walls and their
after school schedule is crazy, doesn't mean you have to
match them. Your having the responsibility for cooking dinner
doesn't mean you need to respond as if you're in a pressure
cooker. Much of how we deal with stressful times is about
our attitude.
So,
how about if you looked at this time of day differently?
If you drive or take public transportation home, try not
to be on the cell phone. Rather, get a good head set or
some tapes or CDs of your favorite music and just take a
"commuting break." If you are not driving, use
this time to read, knit, draw, write letters, or just relax.
Before you get onto the train, pick up a cup of aromatic
tea and sip it on the ride home, taking in the fragrant
aroma as well as the taste. Take 3-5 minutes and relax your
body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head,
doing a progressive relaxation, breathing in and breathing
out. Even if you are on the subway you can do this!
Tell yourself, in a positive voice, that you are a great
mom, able to remain cool and enjoy the ride that your kids
and you are about to take together. Close your eyes and
visualize yourself sipping on herbal tea or a cool glass
of sparkling water with fresh lemon, munching on some veggies
as you prepare dinner, and as you do, you can visualize
yourself not only feeling calmer but also fitting into those
jeans! It's very important to "see" ourselves
the way we want to be so that when we actually behave in
the way we "saw" ourselves, it is already familiar
and feels right to us rather than foreign. This kind of
change is about practice and supporting ourselves to behave
in ways that are different but better for us. Practice in
your mind as well as in "real time."
Most kids like to help in the kitchen, washing the vegetables,
ripping the lettuce, preparing the table. Is it possible
to enlist the help of your children in the kitchen? You
can turn the "job" of making dinner into a time
when you can engage the kids and talk about each of your
days as you prepare the evening meal. It may take a bit
longer to get supper on the table but your mood will likely
be calmer and you will be able to stay away from the munchies
because you will feel less stressed.
On the weekends, are you able to prepare a few "covered
dishes" (soups, casseroles, stews) and freeze portions
to have as either the main meal or side dishes for the weeknights
so that your actual nightly preparation and cooking time
is significantly reduced each night? Be sure to have healthy
snacks in the fridge (cut raw veggies) so that while you're
cooking, you can "snack" on those foods. You'll
feel so good about yourself as you realize you're preparing
nutritious food for your family and taking care of yourself.
Dale Atkins
dratkins@kathleendaelemans.com
Dr. Dale Atkins' latest book, I'm
OK, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of
Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works,
draws on twenty-five years of experience as a relationship
expert to present a comprehensive guide to repairing difficult
relationships, gaining control, and building a life that
you and your parents can live with for years to come.
Click
here for more info on I'm OK, You're My Parents
(Requires the free Acrobat
Reader; click the button below to download the Reader)
Other
books by Dr. Dale Atkins:
Sisters
From
the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts About
Their Married Lives
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