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Dear
Dr. Atkins,
It really bothers me that my weight is so high. I think
I look pretty good, though there is some room for improvement,
but why does that number on the scale have so much power?
I feel like I weigh way too much.
I'm happy that I fit into size 10/12, I've never really
been much smaller in size, but I used to weigh a lot less
in school and I feel like that scale will never budge and
is so far away from what the average woman is supposed to
weigh. Grrr.
I read so many posts from people who weigh in the 120s.
I weighed about that when I was a high school freshman,
but never since. I'm only 5'6" so it's not that I'm
tall. I have a medium frame.
Jen
Dear Jen,
This is, pardon me, a weighty question. You ask why the
number on the scale has so much power. Because we allow
it to. As individuals and as a society, we foster media
images that exalt a certain thin image to which we compare
ourselves. We compare, compare, compare and consistently
come up deficient. In fact, we encourage it! We accept another
person's assessment of what is our right weight
and we feel "less than" if we do not meet the
mark.
We compare ourselves and think we have less value if we
do not weigh a certain weight. We ascribe meaning to that
number on the scale that has to do with our value, our worth,
our level of happiness or our sense of ourselves. We weigh
ourselves and the number has the power to contribute to
our emotional well being for the entire day or longer. But
the truth is, the numbers really only mean something in
our heads. What is the something in your head?
I know of a woman for whom the number is so strong it still
holds power over her after many years. The number she sees
on the scale now reverberates to unpleasant memories of
standing in line at gym all throughout grade school, junior
high and high school, waiting to get weighed. She dreaded
when the nurse would inevitably, seemingly holler the number
out loud. "Everyone" else in line cared because
most of them were skinny.
Even though this woman was popular, pretty, and smart, the
numbers were a source of embarrassment and still hold the
power over her. In part, it has to do with feeling embarrassment
in front of her peers then and now. She fears rejection
because she feels as though she's not meeting "the
mark" and that she's not perfect which causes
her to experience a loss of personal value and self esteem.
Some women think in terms of numbers and scores as a way
to gauge success. They feel they need keep a certain number
in mind of where they "should" be as a way to
stay on track and to avoid becoming complacent. A woman
told me. "When I stay in the range of 125 I am in my
best form and I feel terrific but when the scale tips at
135 I get depressed, feel terrible about myself, don't
take good care of myself and often, refuse to go out dancing
because I feel people will be looking at me and laughing."
She internalized the belief that she is not attractive if
she is above her ideal weight. She limits her social life
and in fact, limits her life entirely.
Why should we allow a society that is focused on thinness,
as opposed to health, dictate our ideal weight? Other women's
weight has nothing to do with what is good for you. Just
because you weighed a certain amount at one time in your
life does not mean you should weigh that again.
Some people can maintain their same body weight for years
and years even before during and after pregnancies, surgeries
and all kinds of changes in their lives. For most of us,
though, this is not the case. Pay attention to eating well,
exercising, wearing clothes that flatter you and make you
feel beautiful. Enjoy being in the best shape you can be
in for your maximum health.
Fondly,
Dale
dratkins@kathleendaelemans.com
Dr. Dale Atkins' latest book, I'm
OK, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of
Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works,
draws on twenty-five years of experience as a relationship
expert to present a comprehensive guide to repairing difficult
relationships, gaining control, and building a life that
you and your parents can live with for years to come.
Click
here for more info on I'm OK, You're My Parents
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Other
books by Dr. Dale Atkins:
Sisters
From
the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts About
Their Married Lives
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